I decided to test the waters two days ago. I started the day with an Optifast shake. That part was easy. Then came lunch. Hmm. I want to say at the get go that there is one thing my clinic has stressed over and over and over again: it is absolutely critical to have measuring cups, measuring spoons, and a food scale. I'm a cook, so of course I've got the cups and spoons (several of each) but the scale I haven't purchased yet. Why should I? I can "eyeball" everything, can I not? Err...if my first day on my "Optifast Flex Plan" was any indication, apparently the answer is a resounding No!
I started things off from the get go on the wrong foot. The very first thing I did when it was time for lunch was deviate off the plan. I don't want a lunch, I reasoned. I want that no-fat yogurt in the fridge (this is reserved for my snacks). So I got it out. I don't want to measure it, I told myself. So I just poured it straight in the bowl and just "eyeballed" how much I would like. And I want cereal, I thought. So I took a big handful of bran flakes, crushed them up, and put those on top. I added a bunch of blueberries, and sprinkled everything with Splenda. Lastly, I crushed up a bunch of pecans as a garnish. Mix. Down the gullet. Yum. And one hour later...Where are my Tums??!!!
Now, the combination of items is fabulous and actually quite healthy for you. But the problem is I failed to control portion size -- one of my big problems before I started my Optifast program. I pretty much botched my first attempt at it. And I paid for it with a bad belly ache and as you know by now with me, a good dose of guilt to go along with it. Let's not forget I shouldn't have my yogurt concoction for lunch in the first place. A piece of whole grain bread with 2 oz. thinly sliced deli turkey and a slice if low fat cheese, some V-8 juice, and a small apple is an example of a proper meal. (you can even put some apple slices in your sandwich). I know this. Yet I didn't do it.
I had no snack and I didn't want to have dinner at all, but I knew I had to get some meat and vegetables in my system. So I followed the basics of my transition plan and had 4 oz. of chicken sprinkled with sesame seeds and grilled in my grill pan, and had that on a small salad of spinach, chopped green onions and cucumber. I made a quick vinaigrette of sesame oil, soy sauce, rice vinegar, Splenda and (believe it or not) a little bit of apple sauce (because we are not allowed apple juice) and sparingly put some of that on the salad and tossed. It was very good.
And then, an hour later, in crept my worst bad eating habit of all: grazing. Had I been following my plan, yes, I should definitely have a reasonable snack at night. Portion controlled. Calorie-content controlled. I know this, it has been ingrained in me. But I threw it out the window and crept into the dimly-lit kitchen and started in. Two slices of deli turkey. I want more of my yogurt concoction. Prepare, eat. Next? Now I need something salty. Okay, 5 whole wheat Wheat Thins. Stop.
"What are you doing in there honey?" shouted my husband. I froze. Panic hit. "Nothing," I replied. He shouted back. "I know you. Get out of the kitchen. You are eating and you're going to undo everything you worked for." Oh, my blessed husband. My guardian angel. I made a cup of chai and joined him in the den. I have decided I am going to ask him this morning to strictly watch me after dinner. I need the strong oversight. I'm vulnerable, heading back to my old ways, they are trying to take back control. These bad habits of no portion control and grazing were just silently waiting for me while I was Optifasting. But they never went away. Oh no. They are back!
Today is a new day and I am going to settle things down and have 4 products plus my transition dinner. I need the safety back again while I sort through my educational handouts on cravings, portion control, and other tips for managing problem areas. I'll also do a little Internet surfing to find more information on grazing. I'm really concerned about that. Of course all of this will be discussed in detail with the dietitian. So this is where I stand today. Struggling, trying. Mistakes are being made. But I've got them identified. And that's a big start.
Hey Melissa!
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your struggles. The experiences are rough but teach invaluable lessons. You are doing really well! Keep pushing ahead-two steps forward, one step back...and all that.
I would like to caution you about asking your husband to "police" your eating habits/behaviors. It worked this time and was just what you needed to wake you up to what you were doing, which is great! My experience has been that when I ask my husband to keep and eye on me and keep me honest about my eating, it sets up a rather negative dynamic between us. I develop a rather juvenile feeling or rebellion and anger: "Who are you to tell me what I can and can't do/eat, you naturally thin person? You don't understand my struggles!" :) Which leads to hiding what I am doing from him and sneaking which is unhealthy for me and for our relationship. I prefer for him to only point out when I am doing well and encouraging me with praise. If he notices that I am lingering in the kitchen or eating standing up, it works better if he asks me to come and sit with him or spend time with him. That wakes me up, interrupts my mindless binge, and has the same effect in a more positive way.
The other strategy that I am trying to employ, is never eating unless I am sitting at a table in plain view and if possible with other people. I can eat what I want, it just has to be on a plate, on a table, in out in the open with others to witness it. It is very difficult to eat mindlessly in that situation. I learned that from the book that you recommended: The Beck Diet. Thank you so much for that! Keep on plugging away Melissa. You are an inspiration!
Hello and thank you for your comments! I shared them with my husband after reading, and he completely agreed. He really doesn't want the responsibility, and also said often he falls asleep for a little bit, or gets engrossed in a TV show...he wants me to employ the control myself. I DO feel deeply embarrassed/ashamed about this "hiding" and "sneaking" behavior I see developing...I felt this exact same thing when I had that binge episode in December. I am going to talk this over with the clinic and also get some support from Optifast friends. I guess I never expected these feelings/behavior but I'm going to try my best to nip it in the bud! Thanks so much for reading and so much for commenting! I love the feedback and need it so much!
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