High Anxiety

Well, I've been struggling. Physically and emotionally. My body still feels out of sorts, and I'm assuming it's from the oatmeal and banana I had over the weekend. I will know for sure when I talk to the doctor at the clinic tomorrow. Emotionally, my anxiety level remains quite high, as I think about transitioning off the products and leaving the "safety" they provide. I asked my dietitian if she had any materials on managing anxiety associated with Optifast transition and she is checking. While I am waiting to see her, I am trying very hard to just "stay in the day" and relax as best I can.

From my own Optifast blog searches, I haven't yet located anyone who shares problems they might have had with anxiety associated with transition from the program. So, in a way, right now I feel like I am all alone, flailing around with no rudder, no course to follow. It's extremely uncomfortable and I am feeling urges to stress eat to manage my situation. Things I prepare for my husband for dinner, dishes I never desired before, now look appealing. Carbs seem to be calling my name -- loudly. My commitment to the full fast is under question, and I must get honest and admit that I have been having things like a part-skim string cheese, or five low-fat wheat thins, or a 100-calorie pack of almonds, or three bites of 1% cottage cheese in addition to my daily products. Now, this may seem like no big deal, something negligible when it comes to calories and carbs. But for someone like myself who does not, for the most part, deviate from what the clinic tells me to do, I feel like a failure. Just like I did over the holidays.

Transition does not allow for these additional items. In a nutshell, I will be having my "special"/restricted meal every night of the week, instead of just one day a week as I am doing now. This is a medically-designed and medically-supervised plan to follow to allow your body to ultimately be able to process "real" food on a regular basis. Sure, at some point, the cheese and nuts and crackers will be added. But not now. Actually, with a target goal of 150 lbs., I shouldn't be transitioning at all yet. It is too soon. But with my anxiety, I have decided I need to start transition now (at 159 lbs.), presumably beginning tomorrow night. It's time for the full fast to end. For my sanity.

I do not want to give anyone the impression that my situation is something you will face in your own program.  Unfortunately, I have always suffered from anxiety. What's throwing me is it has never centered around food -- this is a first for me and I certainly didn't expect it to be an issue when I started the program. What I thought was I would lose weight. Yes, this thing called "maintenance" was always floating around, and the clinic always talks about it. But transition and transition anxiety? That wasn't even on my radar screen. But oh, is it now.

I've been relying heavily on the Facebook Optifast Support page and I know I need to keep blogging about my feelings. I'm also trying to stay away from the scale, but that's not working very well. I seem to be holding steady at 159 lbs. Yes, I want a loss this week, but in my heart I know I will probably remain the same as last week, or perhaps have a slight gain. That has been my pattern throughout this whole journey -- a few weeks of losses followed by a flat/gain week. I can handle this. It's nothing new. I find if I just stay in a mindset that 160 lbs. was my initial goal and perhaps it's fine to stop here, I strangely start to feel better. Maybe this is indeed where I truly belong. Something to consider.

Perhaps you are having anxiety like I am -- you may actually be full fasting, not in transition yet. Please know that you are not alone. I am suffering right along with you. If/when I come across materials referencing how to handle Optifasting anxiety, I will pass it along. I'm sure there is something out there. Meanwhile, lets keep going One Day At A Time. Take a lot of baths. Burn a lot of scented candles. And get some good massages. That can work wonders!