Executive Decision: Accelerate Transition

Deep breath. I encountered another anxiety problem last night, and it led to eating carbohydrates. After our weekly dinner out, my husband asked for some rolls and mashed potatoes (which I avoided) to be boxed up so we could take them home. When we got home, I put the rolls down the disposal because I didn't want to be tempted by them. A very wise move.

At 3:00 a.m., I woke up, ravenous, and in the throes of an anxiety attack. I wearily made my way downstairs, fumbled around, fought an incredibly strong urge to eat the mashed potatoes, and found a box of cornflakes I use to crush and coat chicken breasts for my "oven fried" chicken. I poured a small amount into a bowl then added some skim milk. Once I ate that, the hunger subsided.

But of course, then the guilt came and the worry about gaining weight. When I stepped on the scale this morning, it registered 156 lbs. (tack on 2 lbs. to put me in line with the clinic scale and that's 158 lbs.). That's a loss from last week's weigh-in, but I'm not celebrating, I want to cry, because I hate that damn scale. I was miserable this morning, distraught, actually, and then suddenly things became crystal clear. I was not going to make it through six weeks of a slow, sparse transitioning process. Most will, with no problem whatsoever, but I am a different case. I have an anxiety disorder, it is being highly aggravated, and I've just got to take steps to manage it in a healthy way. Now.

I started in on a grocery list. I started with some of the foods to eat to manage anxiety that are mentioned in my previous post: Peaches, blueberries, soy (I wrote down soy milk), fish, winter squash. The article mentioned the importance of Magnesium. I put Magnesium vitamins down too. Then I began to list healthy, low-carb items. I need carbs back in my diet pronto, but they must be controlled, especially now, indeed for good. Ronzoni whole wheat pasta. Thomas whole wheat English muffins. Rice crackers. Bran flakes. Given the oatmeal-and-banana incident last weekend, I kept Quaker Oats off the list for now. Stonyfield low-fat, organic yogurt. I added 100-calorie popcorn bags as well, to have as a snack. I already have my 100-calorie pack Emerald almonds and whole wheat Wheat Thins, so those I didn't need to get. There. This was a start.

Now folks, I go to my small grocery store every day. I cook gourmet food for my husband almost every night. I know pretty much everyone who works there. They know I have been on Optifast, they support me, they tell me how great I look. And never, ever have I had as much fun there as I did today. I felt like a kid in a candy shop. I was smiling -- yes smiling! -- as I strolled those aisles, placing my items in the grocery cart. I carefully read the labels before selecting each product, making note of the calorie, sodium, carb, protein and vitamin content. The clinic had prepared me well -- I knew from our classes what to examine on the label, and even knew which brands to gravitate towards. Some were more expensive, but I was prepared for that. In the United States, to eat healthy, you have to spend more. It's wrong, it's unfair, but sadly that's how it is.

I want to stop right now at this juncture and really stress one thing: I have a disorder. This is driving everything I am doing, the decisions I am making, the steps I am taking. I have been enrolled in an Optifast clinic for almost 10 months, and I have attended and participated in every educational session offered each week. I have dutifully followed the program, to the best of my ability, carefully following the advice of the dietitians and doctor. I have reached goal. I am prepared. And now it is time to move onward.

But this is just my situation. You may have a totally different set of circumstances. The Optifast program has very specific instructions for transitioning off of the products. It is absolutely critical you follow the instructions from the professionals. But in my case, these professionals include a therapist, and he wants me pursuing this course of action, taking my medication, and following the relaxation steps listed in my previous post. I am not doing this on my own. Please follow instructions. That's important at this stage of the game.

I am pleased to report that I am now totally relaxed and feeling good. I had an Optifast 800 for breakfast, and then 2 oz. tuna fish, 2 oz. low fat cottage cheese, 1 hard-boiled egg, and half of a wheat English muffin for lunch. I am going to have an Optifast 800 for a snack, and then a small amount of wheat pasta, shrimp, sauteed spinach, garlic and a scant amount of sesame seed oil for dinner. My husband and I are going to a movie this evening, so I am popping my popcorn beforehand and sneaking it in with some mineral water. I'm excited, I feel like a kid again.

Deep breath. I can do this. I am strong.