Back To The Drawing Board

In a nutshell, I'm a mess. Confused, anxious, unsure of myself. On Sunday, I had myself convinced I would skip traditional transition and move straight towards maintenance, with one or two Opti products folded in to the daily diet. This morning, I awoke panicked, absolutely certain that I had to go back to the full fast and the "safety" it provides. Tonight, I feel like I could go back to following the Transition Week One guidelines (4 products + 4 oz. chicken or fish and 1 cup vegetables a day).

In short, I don't have a clue what to do.

Looking back, my anxiety has been through the roof ever since Christmas, when I had that first-ever binge and brought a scale into my home. Ever since, I have been struggling with the full fast and compliance. And feeling incredible guilt if I am not 100% compliant. I guess I never anticipated the stress and pain that comes with binging and leaving the "safety" of the Optifast routine. It hit me like a ton of bricks. Keep in mind I've never been on a diet before, so this has all been foreign to me from the get go.

But the one good thing I know from my therapy work is if I stay in the "now"/present I am fine. Forget about the binge, don't worry about future weight gain. Today, I had my products, my dinner and then some 100-calorie popcorn. I saw my nutritionist, my therapist, I checked in with my Facebook friends and I am getting ready to go up to bed. Other stressful things besides my Optifast routine are going on, but I'll discuss those later. Right now, I'm very tired. So I'll sign off for now, and pick up again tomorrow. Sleep well all.