A Turn For The Worse

I had a horrible afternoon today. I went to the grocery store around 2:30 p.m. and as I was shopping, I was overcome by severe stomach pain, sweating and shaking. I didn't know what to do, so I went to the pharmacy section and got a bottle of Tums, opened it, and popped two. I quickly headed to the check-out line, paid for my Tums and my other items and raced home.

What happened was after I penned by last post, I went to the kitchen and had my first Optifast shake for the day. I went upstairs and took a nap. When I came downstairs, I started thinking about the oatmeal. And how much I liked it when I had it last night. What harm could it do to have some oatmeal for lunch, I thought. Why, I could even cut up a banana and put it in there. So I prepared some and ate it, instead of having my Optifast lunch shake. Big mistake.

I have since learned that 1.) If you hit your body with carbs while Optifasting and not off-set it with some protein, you are going to get sick. 2.) Bananas have a lot of natural sugar and carbs. I had no idea. Heck, I have no idea what percentage of carbs I should have in a regular diet. I'm completely flying blind. I'm impatient, and want to start transitioning. (More about that in a minute.) So here we are and it's a Saturday and I can't reach the clinic doctor, so I went to my Facebook Optifast Support page and got some guidance there.

I do want to stress that when it comes to medical issues surrounding Optifast, relying on chat rooms for your medical questions is not the way to go. There are not medical experts there. What you can find, however, are people that may have been through a similar experience to your own. One person suggested I have an Optifast product right away, so I had not one but two shakes. And I felt so much better. Then I took a bath and took another nap. I woke up and had my soup, shake and required pickle, and I will have my jello before bed. I'm stable, my stomach doesn't hurt and the hand shakes are gone. Crisis over.

Some may be wondering just what in the heck I am doing, eating these "bad" things for two days straight when I am so very close to goal. I've been at this for 9 1/2 months. Why derail it now? Well, the truth of the matter is I have been looking back at all of the money I have spent on this program. And my husband has been bringing it up lately. He wants me to stop, and I guess I am feeling incredible guilt and regret over the expense we keep incurring. I thought if I could just kick-start transition early, on my own, I could stop buying the products. I got impatient. And I over-looked the key fact that I don't have the clinic's transition materials yet and I have absolutely no idea what I am doing.

When my husband saw how ill I was, he hugged me tight and told me to follow whatever path I wanted. Continuing with the program was fine, he said. He just wants me happy, less anxious, content with where I am today. Dear readers, I'm trying so hard. I am trying to relax and it's difficult. I'm struggling. I do know that I won't tinker with my program again. My restricted meals will be salad, veggies, 4 oz. protein only. No carbs. My body can't handle it right now. I'm so close, but it feels so far. There are bumps in my road now and navigating them is difficult. But I'll do it. Carefully, slowly. There is no rush. I keep trying to remind myself of that.