The Restaurant

It took three months, but I finally consented to go with my husband to a restaurant. Now, this has been something I really wanted to avoid because I did not want to put myself in the very vulnerable position of seeing and smelling everyone's delicious food, to the point that I caved and ordered something off the menu myself. But he wanted to go out and I knew I'd denied him that experience for a long time. It had to be done.

My strategy was to have my soup and shake before we went. Some take their soup or shake packet with them, but I didn't want to fumble around with that. That's just my own preference. I arrived at the restaurant nice and full -- which was a good thing. When we were given the menus, I gave mine right back and said politely I wasn't dining. I knew even casting a glance at it would start me drooling and fantasizing. Instead, I ordered an iced tea which, thankfully, was delivered quickly.

But things got a little edgy for me when my husband's food arrived. We were at a Middle Eastern place, and I could smell the spices in his dish. I became fixated with his every bite -- and had to force myself to look away. I wouldn't say it was torture. I just realized that I haven't tasted real food in a long time and I wondered what it must be like to chew and swallow. I was glad when he finished and his plate was taken away. I felt I could relax again. So I made it through the restaurant situation. Hooray!

I'm blessed that my husband never pressured me by saying something like, "Hey, it's okay for you to eat with me" or "Here, have a bite!" It was actually quite the opposite. He said, "Food is over-rated." And that made me laugh. In fact, I think if I tried to reach for a nibble, he would have stopped me -- and asked if it was really going to be worth it. And the answer would have been no.

No, I don't think I want to go to another restaurant any time soon, but on the other hand, I really want my husband to have a meal out every now and then. Perhaps now that I have this initial experience, I will be more comfortable the next time. I can't imagine keeping him away from an eating establishment for another three months. That seems like asking too much, and I don't want to do that.

So there will be another restaurant visit in the future. But I can handle it -- because I have a wonderful dining partner.