Friend or Foe: The Bathing Suit

Ah yes, it has come to that time. It's in the high 90s today, and my family is gathering for a pool party this afternoon. And you know what that means: bathing suit time! All the ladies will inevitably shudder, because we know this is a garment that is not too forgiving. Everything is out there for all to see. It's no wonder some of us just stop sunning altogether. Talk about vulnerability!

But I have decided that I am going to embrace this event with gusto. I have always been a "water baby." I learned to swim at age two and I was tackling tough waves in the Atlantic Ocean as a toddler. I was on the swim team in high school and my workouts in the past incorporated a one-mile lap swim in the pool. I really, really enjoy this activity. And I will not let my weight keep me from enjoying something I love.

Now, what is uplifting to me right now is the bathing suit I currently have was purchased last year, before I started Optifast. And today, I am (pardon the pun) "swimming" in it! Yes, I still am overweight, but the suit is definitely too big. And I'm absolutely thrilled about that! Sure, I could go out and purchase a new one, and maybe I will do that, but I'm going to wear this one today to show off my progress to my loved ones. I've earned it!

I am also looking forward to getting some sun. I am very pale right now --my husband even commented on it-- and there is nothing like a little color to perk things up. I am careful to use sunscreen, even though I tan very easily. That's something we all should do, given the strength of the rays today. My days of using Baby Oil (back in the 1970s) are over!

So for the first time in a long time, I am really looking forward to donning a suit. I may not look the sexiest at the pool, but I couldn't care less. Today, my bathing suit is my best friend. And isn't that a wonderful thing!

Some Words About Program Cost

Well, if you have already started the Optifast program, you know this already: Optifast isn't cheap. Even though you lose a good deal of weight in a shorter period of time than you would with other programs, it comes at a financial cost. And a big one at that.

Right off the bat, there is a very expensive initial examination to determine your BMI, metabolic rate, and a host of other things. I paid in excess of $500 for that. We must pay for weekly doctor visits, lab work every two weeks and the products. This works out to be for me, on average, $170 a week. I buy Splenda, a fiber supplement, Jello, flavored extracts and exotic spices. And that's another cost.

Now, keep in mind a few things. Program costs vary according to where you are in the country. Some insurance plans may cover a portion of your expenses. (Mine does not.)  I am on a combo Optifast 70/800 plan and have five products a day. You may have more or less. That affects your bottom line too. If you are doing the program overseas, you may not have the doctor and lab costs. But basically, we can all expect to part with a good chunk of change just on the products.

Which prompts the question: Is it worth it?

I would say "yes" for a number of reasons. First, I consider Optifast as an excellent investment in "me." I want to be healthy and happy and I am thrilled that I have found a program I like that will get me to this goal. This is not just about the weight loss -- this is about improving my overall health, and that includes lowering my cholesterol, which had reached a concerning level due to my budding obesity. I've already dropped from a 150 LDL to 99, putting me in the healthy zone. Mission accomplished!

Second, the Optifast program in the U.S. is not focused solely on products. The Optifast clinics offer extensive educational information and talks about weight maintenance after you come off of the products. This is so important for all of us, as many, many people who lose weight on a liquid diet gain it back eventually. And no one wants to be one of those folks. Of particular interest to me are the examples given of sample maintenance menus to prepare. As a cook who was dedicated to butter, salt and sugar, I have to go back to the proverbial drawing board on this. I really appreciate the education I am receiving.

And third, I have never felt so healthy in my life. I had fallen into a pattern of never eating breakfast or lunch, only dinner (and a large one at that) with grazing all night long. On my Optifast plan, I space five products out throughout the day and I feel great. I am never hungry. I am drinking lots of water and my body definitely appreciates that. And I have a wonderful doctor continuously monitoring me to make sure I am in tip-top shape. What more could I ask?

In summary, I love Optifast and I would recommend the program to anyone seeking a serious weight-loss solution. I do think it is worth the cost. Just don't forget your wise "investment" could turn on you if you don't follow the maintenance plan. Stay focused on your healthcare "portfolio" and you'll have an excellent return!

Why, thank you Officer!

My mother and I often joke that at our funerals, all of these people will show up that nobody knows. These are the wonderful folks we know from our errands around town: those working at the grocery, drycleaners, pharmacy, post office, hair salon etc. One of my dearest friends is a Columbus police officer who works various off-duty shifts at my local grocery store. I go there every day to buy ingredients for my husband's dinner and I have known him for years. And yes, he was one of the first to know that I had started Optifast.

Well, I saw him today and he made a point of telling me how noticeable the weight loss was and that he was proud of me. (He also mentioned my baggy clothes -- apparently the dietitian is not the only one who sees this!) I was so touched by his comments. What a wonderful thing to hear. Particularly now, for as you know, I have been struggling with patience as it pertains to my slow loss rate. I thanked him profusely but also reminded him that I'm not done yet. He smiled.

This has me thinking about other uplifting comments I have received about my declining weight. My husband praises me every day -- tonight he mentioned how good my legs are looking. Ooh la la! Although I have not seen them for awhile, my brother and mother receive a weekly update of my progress and support me all the way. I will finally see them on Saturday and I can't wait for them to get a look at me. A thirty pound loss is significant -- I'm sure they will notice!

Interestingly, no one at work has said anything, but there are only five of us and it's a very quiet group. Only one person knows I am on Optifast and she's not sure about it. But that's okay. I suspect everyone can see that I'm shedding weight and to be polite, they don't want to mention it because that might indicate I was too heavy in the first place! So I'll just keep losing and mums the word. Funny how some situations play themselves out.

Tonight I am beaming a bit and actually allowing myself to be pleased with myself. Progress is being made. It's noticeable. And that's a wonderful thing!    

Back To Acceptance

I had a 2 pound loss today, which finally nudged me past the thirty pound loss marker. It has taken 14 weeks to hit this, but I'm now under 210 lbs. I'm almost to my half-way point --200 lbs.--and then it's 40 lbs. to go to reach 160. I've been slow-going the whole way with starts and stops, but I'm hanging in there. One day at a time.

As you can expect, I groused a little bit to the nutritionist about what I keep perceiving to be minimal losses. And yet again, she reminded me that I am right on target with where I should be. She also let me know that my losses are well within the average range so I need to stop worrying. I must sound like a broken record. I really don't know why I am resisting my metabolic realities and forgetting to congratulate myself for any loss at all while on Optifast products. I am putting undue pressure on myself and this really needs to stop. Right now.

Clearly, it's time yet again to focus on how to embrace acceptance. My friend Kathy posted the Serenity Prayer recently and I need to do a repeat here:


God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
The courage to change the things I can.
And the wisdom to know the difference.


I have this body. It is responding to the Optifast plan at its own pace. Pound losses are occurring. I have lost substantial inches all over. My bad cholesterol has plummeted. This is something to celebrate.


I can up my exercise regimen. More exercise stimulates metabolism. And I can build an exercise routine for life. I can do it.


There is peace of mind that comes with acceptance. To stop fighting and start embracing is such an easier, softer way to live. I'm really going to work hard on this throughout the months that follow. It's really, really difficult for me -- but awareness of the problem is half the battle. 

The Restaurant

It took three months, but I finally consented to go with my husband to a restaurant. Now, this has been something I really wanted to avoid because I did not want to put myself in the very vulnerable position of seeing and smelling everyone's delicious food, to the point that I caved and ordered something off the menu myself. But he wanted to go out and I knew I'd denied him that experience for a long time. It had to be done.

My strategy was to have my soup and shake before we went. Some take their soup or shake packet with them, but I didn't want to fumble around with that. That's just my own preference. I arrived at the restaurant nice and full -- which was a good thing. When we were given the menus, I gave mine right back and said politely I wasn't dining. I knew even casting a glance at it would start me drooling and fantasizing. Instead, I ordered an iced tea which, thankfully, was delivered quickly.

But things got a little edgy for me when my husband's food arrived. We were at a Middle Eastern place, and I could smell the spices in his dish. I became fixated with his every bite -- and had to force myself to look away. I wouldn't say it was torture. I just realized that I haven't tasted real food in a long time and I wondered what it must be like to chew and swallow. I was glad when he finished and his plate was taken away. I felt I could relax again. So I made it through the restaurant situation. Hooray!

I'm blessed that my husband never pressured me by saying something like, "Hey, it's okay for you to eat with me" or "Here, have a bite!" It was actually quite the opposite. He said, "Food is over-rated." And that made me laugh. In fact, I think if I tried to reach for a nibble, he would have stopped me -- and asked if it was really going to be worth it. And the answer would have been no.

No, I don't think I want to go to another restaurant any time soon, but on the other hand, I really want my husband to have a meal out every now and then. Perhaps now that I have this initial experience, I will be more comfortable the next time. I can't imagine keeping him away from an eating establishment for another three months. That seems like asking too much, and I don't want to do that.

So there will be another restaurant visit in the future. But I can handle it -- because I have a wonderful dining partner.

First Shopping Trip!

So I knew it was finally time to do some shopping when the shorts I was wearing while shopping at Target on Saturday almost fell off. I am not joking -- the only thing that saved me was the long tank top I was wearing, which covered my bum. Fortunately, I was able to catch the shorts before they fell to the floor. Talk about embarrassing! (In a somewhat humorous way.)


I had been told by my dietitian at our meeting last week that my shorts didn't fit and I had to get new ones. But I was holding off on making purchases for as long as possible. Guess I waited too long!

There wasn't much selection at Target, so I took my friend Kathy's advice and went to Walmart. Good move -- not only did they have lots of choices, but the price was right. That's something to keep in mind, as I will be continuing to shrink as the weeks go on, and I don't want to shell out too much cash at this juncture. I must admit, I was a little bit excited. What size would now fit?

I was thrilled to find I have gone down two sizes! Actually, almost three -- I'm in that "in between sizes" range. I was wearing a size 22 pair and I fit comfortably into size 18, and could probably take a 16. But I don't like tight clothes at all, so I purchased three pairs of size 18 shorts for $36.00. Can't beat that! I actually wanted to wear one of the pairs out, but I managed to keep my shorts up until I got home. I then immediately donned a khaki pair and strutted around the house like a proud peacock.

I've still got a ways to go before I reach my healthy, ideal size (12) but I'm slowly getting there. I'm so happy today. And fingers crossed these new shorts won't fall off -- at least for another few weeks!

Maintenance: Some Initial Thoughts

Now that I am comfortably plugging along in my Optifast journey, I have been frequently searching the Internet for tips about how to successfully maintain my goal weight when I complete my program. My clinic provides wonderful information about this, but I like to supplement that with things I find on my own.

Last night, I came upon an article written by Ms. Cara Surdi that was posted on Yahoo. She lost 90 lbs. in 6 months on the Optifast plan. Here's an excerpt:


"It has been 6 years since I did the Optifast and yes, I have gained it all back. The reason why I gained the weight back wasn't because the Optifast diet didn't work, it was because of myself. I lost sight of the importance of exercise and eating right. I gained a little here and there and wasn't too concerned. I would love to do Optifast again, but you really have to mentally prepare yourself. You have to be determined and not allow anything get in your way. For those of you struggling on any diet, it isn't the diet's fault that you didn't lose weight or keep it off; it is about self-love and dedication to living a healthier lifestyle. I think we all know this, but do not like to be held accountable for it."


I seem to be hearing this sort of tale frequently. Significant weight loss whilst on Optifast inevitably followed by weight gain once you stop the program. But I like Ms. Surdi's honesty here: She does not blame our program, rather points to a lapse in the participant's desire for and dedication to a healthy lifestyle.  This leads me to wonder: Will this happen to me? Will I crumble and undo all my hard work to shed this weight? Can I really buck this trend of gaining all the weight back?


Now, I want to be very careful here about going down that path of worrying about failure in the future. I've mentioned before my belief that staying in the present serves us the best right now in this point and time in our programs. But the fact remains that we are going to have some work ahead of us when it comes to keeping our weight off, and in my case, I'm going to have to make some serious changes in how I prepare and eat my food. I have to also embrace exercise as part of my daily routine. And this, right now, seems like a huge challenge. 


Fortunately, we have people blogging right now who have completed the program and have moved into the maintenance phase. Some insight can be gained from them. To the right of this page you will see a link to the blog "New Day Coming" and there is wonderful, motivating information there. I also came across an article a few weeks ago in the New York Times about a couple who completed the Optifast program and are successfully keeping the weight off. But know that in their case, they strictly adhere to a rigid diet and exercise regime. All food is measured or weighed. They do meticulous calorie counting. I would call them religious about their exercise routine. Which begs the question: Do we have to go that far too?


But again, let's not get too ahead of ourselves, rather just remain aware that some work is ahead of us. I think this is the best strategy right now. Today I continue with my program, and try to incorporate my exercise, and continue with my own research of good eating strategies.  That's enough to handle right now.  

  

Hello Jello!

I like a "sweet treat" at night. It wasn't always this way. Before I got married and began cooking in earnest, I didn't have much of a sweet tooth. But my husband has one, and he likes little "treats" after dinner. So I started indulging with him. And we all know where that gets you. In trouble!

When I attended my first meeting at the Optifast clinic, a consultation session, we went over the program and some allowable items I could have while on the fast. One is one cup of very low-sodium broth a day and the other is one cup of sugar free Jello a day. I never asked if we could have both every day -- I just assumed it was one or the other. At the time, I didn't like either, so I figured I'd have to go without.


On my second day of Optifast products, I was famished by 8:00 p.m. I was out at an ice hockey game in town and suddenly my tummy started growling like crazy and I felt intense hunger pangs. I grabbed a cup of coffee, hoping that would calm things down a bit. Alas, no dice. Somehow I made it to the end of the match, but I made it clear to my husband as we were walking to the car that an emergency run to the grocery store would be made immediately!


Once there, I finally located the pre-packaged Jello in the refrigerated section. I had found the Jello mix in the box, but it takes four hours to set (90 minutes if you use ice cubes). I wouldn't make it that long! I filled my basket up with a 6-pack of the refrigerated Jello and 10 boxes of assorted Jello mixes. They happened to be on sale. And from the looks of things, I was going to be needing a good supply.


In hindsight, I think that strawberry sugar free Jello I had that night, so many weeks ago, was one of the best things I have ever tasted. That simple gelatin brought me more happiness and contentment than a creme brulee (my favorite dessert). From that evening on, I treat myself to the Jello every night around 9:00 p.m. My favorite flavors are Strawberry, Cherry, Raspberry and Orange. I alternate between all of them to prevent boredom. That seems to do the trick.


Ask your clinic if you are allowed to have sugar free Jello in addition to your products. I think you will enjoy it as well. This light treat is very satisfying for me and helps to round out the day. 


    

The Gain: Accepting the Unacceptable

Well, I follow my 5 lb. loss last week with a .4 gain this week. Sigh. It's tough to see a gain, no matter how insignificant, when I am totally compliant with the program. I felt dejected at first, but then my dietitian put things into perspective.

Looking over my chart, you can see -- like clockwork -- every four weeks I have posted either a zero loss or an ever-so-slight increase. And why is that so? Of course you can guess why: I have my period! I retain extra water and that prevents a loss. I should be anticipating these plateau weeks by now, but funny, I don't want to acknowledge the inevitable. So I get frustrated and start questioning the program.

Stop, Melissa. Be patient.

Yes, I don't think anything tests your patience more than a gain when you are on Optifast. In my case, because I am losing pounds at a slower rate, I am tested even more. I must work very diligently to see past this kind of weigh-in and commend myself for the weight I have lost to date. I have to also move into my acceptance mode. My body is moving along at its own pace, and the weight will be shed accordingly. My metabolism is terrible, and I am doing extremely well (for someone in my situation) with a 2-3 lb. average loss per week. I need to remember this.

The folks at the clinic were very encouraging yesterday, anticipating a more significant loss for me next week. That will probably be the case, but honestly, in my heart right now, I'm a little bit skeptical. Keep in mind, I have always felt this way before and they have always been right. And I know from several of my Optifast friends that the same thing has happened to them. A gain, followed by a bigger loss the next week.

Why then, does the to-be-expected gain cause such discontent? I guess it's like I mentioned above, I'm compliant so I expect to be "rewarded" with a loss. I want to reach my goal weight as soon as possible. And I still believe my body will kick-start into this free-falling weight loss pattern. And that's not going to happen. Time to take a deep breath and be realistic about the situation. As I have mentioned in the past, I had this crazy notion I would be through this program in four months despite my thyroid doctor's opinion. Time to come back to Earth.

Again, it seems to all come back to patience and acceptance for me. Patience with my program and acceptance of my body. Obviously, this is still a work in progress. But I am getting closer with each passing day.  

Facebook: The Electronic Support Network

I really do believe that the Optifast journey is best understood by those currently going through the program and those who have completed it. Yes, our physicians and dietitians and the support staff at the clinic are so helpful, but when it comes to needing a good "sounding board" your Optifast friends provide the best. This has been the case for me.

When I first started the program, I set about building up an "electronic support network" of fellow Optifasters on the Internet. As you know, I'm a Facebook user and I was thrilled to find that Optifast U.S. has set up a Facebook page. For those not familiar with Facebook, it is a social networking site which allows users from around the world to connect with one another through, among other things, assorted pages. Optifast has one of these pages and it offers you the ability to "post" questions and other things, to which people can reply with "comments." 

I like Facebook for many reasons. It brings people around the world together, and you can be in touch with them throughout the day and evening. Optifasters have several avenues to connect with one another on Facebook. In addition to the Optifast page, there are a few "groups" you can join: the Optifast Chat Support group and the Liquid Dieters group. Simply type these names in the search box and you will be taken right to them. 

For those seeking one-on-one communication, Facebook offers you the ability to "message" back and forth with a Facebook friend. It is similar to emailing back and forth. This particular avenue allows you to get to know somebody even better, and in time you may find a real friendship blossoms.

I cannot tell you how happy I am to now have new Optifast friends from California, Florida, West Virginia, Rhode Island, Ireland and New Zealand, among other places. We support one another through the trials and triumphs of a liquid diet and share a wealth of information ranging from recipe tips to helpful blog sites to ideas for little "rewards" we can give ourselves for milestones reached. The people I have met are so inspirational and keep me motivated on my own journey. I cannot recommend this option for support enough!

If you do not have a Facebook account at this time, I encourage you to think about it. The support it provides is invaluable to me as I continue on my Optifast journey. In fact, I must give credit to my friend Elana from Facebook for giving me the idea to set up this blog in the first place! I wouldn't be here if it weren't for her. Come find me if you get signed up. I'll be ready and waiting!

  

Inward We Must Go

Now that I am somewhat "seasoned" in my Optifast routine, I've been ever-so-gently tip-toeing around something I know I need to do. There is a question I need to try and answer, and it is not going to be a straight-forward, easy process. But if I want to succeed in my quest for successful weight maintenance, I'm going to have to start somewhere. So here goes.

The question: Why did I overeat in the first place?

Let's think about this. It's actually quite complex, so I need to start breaking things down into small bits. This process will not be completed in one post -- maybe 100 is more like it. But this is just off the top of my head right now. First, I know I love food. The way it looks as well as the way it tastes. Second, I don't like being told I can't eat certain foods. I dislike "restrictions." Third, I do not like people watching me when I eat food. That's a big one. And lastly, I get great satisfaction when people eat and love the food I prepare. And I won't serve food I don't love to eat.

Okay. That was pretty easy. I've started. Let's keep going. What else do I think about when I look at my eating behavior? Well, I'll eat pretty much anything. I eat quickly. I want it over with as quickly as possible. I'll eat everything on my plate. I'll ask eating companions if I can have "a taste" of their dish. Sometimes, I eat well beyond fullness. I eat when I am bored.

Now let's look at how I feel when I eat. Uh oh. This feels a little bit ... difficult. You know what just popped into my head? I thought, "Maybe I eat to feel." Now, this is something I didn't expect. I'm not sure I want to go here right now. It's too soon. But the fact I've touched a nerve of sorts tells me I need to re-visit this in the future when I am ready.


I have months here whilst I am on the Optifast products to unpack this "why." I think I need to understand my overeating before I can successfully implement strategies to prevent it. So I have some homework (of sorts) to do during this fasting period. But at least I've made an honest start and we can build from here. 

The Naysayers: Oprah and Optifast

Almost everyone who knows me is very supportive of my Optifast journey. My husband, my family, a close colleague at work, and my doctor. But there is one naysayer out there and it happens to be my best friend. I was shocked, actually, when she balked at my decision to do the program. She knows I am obese, and she has struggled with an eating disorder, so she is no stranger to highly restrictive diets. Why all the negativity? She had only one thing to list: The Oprah Example.

Ah yes. Oprah Winfrey. She went on Optifast for four months and lost a significant amount of weight. She televised it (remember her size 10 black "skinny jeans"?) and the next day Optifast received over 1 million phone calls. And then she packed the weight back on -- and then some -- and everyone could see she had "failed." I found the following information in an article on Google:

"In 1992, only four years after her liquid Optifast diet, Winfrey reached her highest weight of 237 lbs. According to Thomas Wadden, Ph.D., in his book "Handbook of Obesity Treatment," approximately 98 percent of liquid dieters regain all of the weight they lost within five years. Wadden theorizes that liquid diets prevent dieters from undergoing the full extent of physical, emotional and psychological changes that occur as they lose weight and learn a new way of living."
 
Although I'm not quite sure about the veracity of these statistics, particularly because he groups all liquid diets together, we do know that Oprah's weight struggles continued, and all of this was played out in the public eye, due to her celebrity status.

"Winfrey continued to gain and lose large amounts of weight for several years, losing 77 lbs. several years later and appearing on the cover of her magazine weighing only 160 lbs. By 2009, Winfrey tipped the scales at over 200 lbs. again. According to Wadden, long-term weight loss success requires a lifelong change in lifestyle and eating habits. Wadden explains this requires you to lose weight slowly, at a rate of 1 to 2 lbs. per week, and learn how to plan, prepare and enjoy healthy, balanced meals."


Those who do not support our decision to do Optifast will very likely tell you it is a waste of time and money on something that will inevitably fail. They will say you are "starving yourself" and doing something "unhealthy." And this will hurt, because you do so want to lose the weight, and in some cases, really need to lose the weight. Optifast is a rigid program, and when someone tries to undermine your decision to do it, it can make your journey much harder. (This is why I emphasize the importance of building up an electronic support system if you don't have a local group available.) The key word that stings is "failure." Who needs to hear this at this point and time?

What I am doing is pointing out to my friend that yes, Oprah has a weight problem. Yes, Oprah did Optifast, lost a ton of weight, and packed it back on. But then I make sure to emphasize Oprah's mistake: She did not follow Optifast's long-term maintenance plan.

"A mere two hours following the airing of her television show touting her weight loss, she was celebrating her success by indulging in food. Two days after completing her liquid diet, Winfrey could no longer fit into the size 10 jeans she was excited to wear when she finished the diet."

What the "naysayers" seem to overlook is Optifast comes in two "phases": The weight loss/Optifast product phase and the long-term maintenance phase. The period we are taking our products is actually easier. The work comes into play when we ease back on to food. So while we are spending our time now losing weight, it is important to keep in mind that, down the road, we will have things to do to keep the weight off. This is why I use the word "journey" -- because that's what it is.

As you know, my philosophy is take it one day at a time. Living in fear of a "future failure" is not something I'm going to do. Importantly, I am not Oprah Winfrey. She is following her own path and God bless her for all of the hard work. I most definitely sympathize with her. Let us remember though that we are on our own journeys and we can learn from her experience. We should remain cognizant that our work is just beginning right now and we will have more things to do in the future. We will have weight management work. Because our goal is not only to take the weight off, but successfully keep it off. But do not let those naysayers undermine your own awareness of this. Keep one foot in front of the other and the ultimate goal -- a healthy, happy you -- is yours. 

 

The Cheat

Perhaps the most sought out Optifast topic is cheating when on your program. What if I do it, what will keep me from doing it, can I complete the program if I keep doing it, why do I do it. Let's face facts: Cheating is one of the top obstacles you face in your quest to achieve your goal weight. We are on a very restrictive diet, limiting us to a handful of products we must take repetitively day after day. In some cases, for a good period of time. Food is all around us, and most of us up until this time ate pretty much what we wanted. And now times have radically changed.

If you've read through my blog, you know that I have been on the program for three months and I have never cheated with real food. However, I have had two "cheats." I bought a box of Optifast chocolate peanut butter bars and they tasted like candy to me. Until the box was gone, I ate one at night like a treat -- on top of my five Optifast products I had that day. Just like cheating, I consumed extra calories. I knew it was wrong but did it anyway. I had the option of throwing the box out or giving the bars away, but didn't do it. I felt guilty and angry at myself. And I dreaded the upcoming weigh-in, knowing that I probably retarded my weight loss for the week. I did.

There was also a second incident regarding Optifast bars. We decided to take a last-minute trip to Tennessee that would involve some moderate uphill hiking and turbulent white water rafting. I purchased a box of bars before I left, to use as meal replacements (or so I hoped). The same thing happened. I had more than my five products a day, and mentally viewed those bars as a chocolate treat/reward. I ate an entire box over a 4-day weekend (this was on top of my Optifast shakes). As before, I felt guilty and disappointed in myself. When I returned from the trip, I had a .2 lb. weight gain, my first gain since starting the program. And I felt rotten.

So though I may have had success steering clear of "real" food, I am not immune to cheating. I've been there and I know what it feels like. Here's what I've learned: First, if you have cheated, please know you are not alone. I'd bet the majority of people on Optifast cheat at least once. Probably 20% get through the program cheat-free. It's a difficult thing to do and importantly, you must remember that just because you have a cheat, that does not mean you should throw in the towel and give up on the program. You must get right back up on that horse and keep going, putting the cheat behind you, and move forward step by step, day by day.

Secondly, I believe we should ask ourselves why we did it. Were we bored? Hungry? Upset? Sick of the program? Worried we'd never have a favorite snack again? Something drove us to risk continued weight loss and to trigger feelings of guilt and remorse. We need to ponder that a bit and see if we can come up with some solutions for addressing these situations in a way that does not involve a cheat.

And third, we need to put mechanisms into place that will help prevent a cheat. In my case, I know from two experiences that although they may be an option for others, those Optifast bars are not for me. Period. I will not get them again. I have to be resolute on this, no matter how difficult that may be. I have a weakness, I am acknowledging it, and I am taking the action to address the problem. Sounds regimented and it is, but I do so want to succeed in my Optifast journey. So it must be done.

Temptations will always be around us, but we can navigate around them. Remember my advice to "stay in today" and think to yourself, "Today I will be committed to my Optifast schedule." Go no farther than that. It works for me. Remember that when we meet our goal weight and complete transition, then move into long-term maintenance, we will have the opportunity to taste food we enjoy. It will come down to portion size and frequency of indulgence, tempered by a good exercise program. So it's not like we will never have something we had in the past. We may just find we don't want the bad foods we craved in the past. Wouldn't that be great!

So in conclusion, you can survive a cheat and have a successful program. I'm living proof of it. Forgive yourself, put it behind you, and move onward. You can do it!

Watering

My friend Kathy had a great post on the importance of drinking water whilst you are on Optifast, and I want to strongly second that. Any good diet emphasizes water, and our program is no different. Because we are on a limited-calorie diet, we need our fluids to keep us healthy. This means drinking at least 64 oz. of water a day -- and for some folks on Optifast 70 even more than that.

Now, I admit wholeheartedly that I was definitely not a water drinker before starting our program. I am addicted to coffee -- and that has not changed. I'm not talking one cup a day. I have at least a carafe every day and then a 20 oz. iced coffee every afternoon. This is my guilty pleasure, and at the present time, I have no intention of giving it up.

When I was first told about the water requirement when you are on Optifast, I shuddered. It sounded extreme, and I had no idea how I was going to meet it. But I was concerned that if I did not follow instructions, my health would suffer. Indeed, my compliance to our program is driven by my desire to stay well as I work towards achieving my goal weight. I figure the guidelines are there for a purpose, and nutritional experts designed our program. If we want to see results, we need to follow things to the letter. So I was going to have to become a water-drinker. Whether I wanted to or not!

I realized pretty quickly that trying to chug all the water down in a short period of time wasn't going to work. My consumption needed to be paced. I began drinking 16 oz. before lunch, and 16 oz. after. That's only two water bottles. Fairly easy. I still do this. I purchased a 20 oz. plastic bottle of Lipton iced tea, cleaned it out, and filled it up with chilled water from the fridge. I drank one bottle before dinner and worked on another before I went to bed. What do you know -- 72 oz. down the hatch!

Over time, I have found myself actually drinking more than this every day. Yes, I still drink my coffee, but I now have two bottles of water after lunch and I am drinking more water in the evening. I actually like it! I feel like I am "cleansing" my body. One thing I have definitely noticed is my skin is radiant from all of the water. I did not know this would happen. What a pleasant surprise! Next to that, there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that I feel this good not only from the Optifast products, but from all the water. I am healthier because of it.

I know some of you may be struggling to get your daily water in and I really encourage you to push through that. For several reasons. Not only is it required during this period we are in a full fast, it will help you maintain your goal weight after you are back to food. We need to look at this daily water-drinking habit as something we will be doing in the long run. That might seem overwhelming at first, but as you become more adjusted to it, it can become second-nature, like brushing your teeth every day. Our bodies function at their very best when they are well-hydrated. This is a valuable tip I have taken away from the program.

So grab a bottle, fill 'er up, and start drinking!

Victory!

I am feeling so much better today and I must relay to you some fabulous news: I had my weigh-in yesterday and I lost 5 lbs.! For those who have been following my posts, you will know that my average loss per week has been 2.2 lbs. This is a miracle! I have not lost this much at any of my prior weigh-ins. So I am quite pleased with myself and I am feeling far more optimistic about my Optifast program.

I had to go through that tough week of calorie adjustment but I have recovered as of today. Whew. Now, one thing I need to keep in mind is this is not a guarantee that I will continue to lose 5 lbs. each week. There will definitely be weeks with smaller losses and even some weeks with no loss. My brother has warned me that as he got closer to goal, his losses got smaller and smaller -- so I am keeping this in mind as my journey continues.

I really feel like I am in a "good space" this evening. As a treat, I got my hair highlighted and cut today. I was in the salon for three hours but I'm so happy with the result. My next indulgence will be a summer pedicure and then a massage down the road (when I reach my 200 lb. half-way point). I think it is very important to reward ourselves as progress is made. We deserve it!

Thanks to all for your support over the past few days. I made it through and things are looking up!

Back To Basics

I did not start this blog until I was three weeks into the program, and subsequently did not have any entries regarding my beginning days of "transitioning" onto the Optifast program. Boy, with this calorie adjustment, those challenging days have come back to haunt me! The good news is I have been through this period before and I know the strategies for handling the turmoil. Below are my symptoms right now and how I am addressing them:

Fatigue: In a word, I'm exhausted. Eight hours of sleep a night is not enough. Heavy lifting is too overwhelming and exercise (with the exception of a short, gentle walk) is impossible. This is the time to take it easy. I took the day off from work today so I could get some extra sleep. I awoke later in the morning and I feel much better. It's warmer outside, but a good soak in the tub is the next item on my agenda. I need to relax as best I can, allowing my body time to adjust to this reduction in calories. For me, getting enough sleep every night is a top priority. I function much better when I have slept well.

Light-headed: I feel dizzy at times, and I know I must use caution when driving the car and going up and down stairs. I may be an extreme example -- don't assume you will be like this. I take other medications and those impact my Optifast program. The important thing to remember is be aware of this possible side effect and take steps necessary to be careful.

Hungry/Tummy Growling: This is something that is more annoying for me than painful. When I hear growling, my knee-jerk reaction is to go eat something solid. This is not required. Drinking water really helps with this problem. Chewing gum is also recommended. The other thing I do is space my Optifast products closer together and go to bed earlier. I have three shakes throughout the day and I double up at dinner time with a soup and a shake. Then I have my sugar-free jello treat. This pattern should help me through this period.

It is very, very important not to "cheat" at all. This will impact the transition, and make it even more difficult for me. It will take longer and my symptoms will continue. And I don't want that!

Exercise: I feel very weak and don't believe I can walk very far. This is okay. It will pass. It means no strenuous workouts until I am feeling better. Trying to take a short walk around the block is a good idea. It's important to move if you can. I'm not going to feel guilty because I stopped working out. I'll get back to my routine in due course.

Now, keep in mind I do have a thyroid disorder -- your body could have no problem whatsoever with a reduction in calories. We are all unique. The most important thing for me is to not push myself too much and give my body time to adjust. I will be feeling better soon. I know that from experience! Taking it easy is my top priority each day.
 

 

Questioning The Program

I think we all, at one time or another, have that moment where we ask ourselves, "Am I nuts to be doing this?!" It's happened to me a couple of times. I'll start thinking about the Optifast costs, or drinking the same things day in and day out, or how I no longer go to restaurants. Why in the heck did I agree to commit to the Optifast program in the first place?

As you know, I haven't been feeling well because we altered my program, and during this time I have been "ruminating" over my decision-making process. I think this is totally normal and to be expected. When one is run down whilst starting the Optifast products or like I am now, it's a no-brainer that you are going to question the efficacy of the program. What is sustaining me right now is I know from experience that this phase will pass. I need to get through it as best I can and things will smooth out in time. No, I don't like being tired and light-headed and I could do without the hunger pangs. But I'm a trooper.

For me and you, I want to list my top reasons for doing the Optifast program. They are not in any particular order:

Physical health: I was having severe difficulty walking. My "bad" cholesterol was through the roof. My thyroid doctor strongly encouraged me to lose weight.

Self Esteem: I hated looking at myself in the mirror. I felt unattractive and unlovable. I wanted --needed-- this to change.

Loss Rate: Optifast can produce significant weight loss in a shorter period of time, when compared with other programs (i.e. Weight Watchers).

Program Structure: The Optifast program is doctor-supervised and you consult with a dietitian. Extensive educational handouts are given and a long-term maintenance program exists.

I note these things as a reminder that I am doing the program for lots of reasons. No one reason dominates the list. It's a package deal. Many things are to be gained by reaching my goal weight. I just need to push through this difficult time. I need to nurture myself and not be afraid to ask others for support. And questioning is to be expected -- we are human after all.

Change In Plans

Today I am not feeling so hot. Some adjustments were made to my program last week -- I now have three Optifast 70 shakes and two Optifast 800 products a day -- and my body is having a difficult transition right now. I am very tired, my tummy is rumbling, and I feel "blue." I did not anticipate this, and it reminds me of what I went through when I first started on the Optifast products three months ago.

I asked for the change in my plan because I have been concerned about the amount of money I am spending on the program and how long it is taking to lose my 80 lbs. The monetary concerns are quite valid and important. Optifast is not cheap -- I will be outlaying thousands of dollars. I know this is a good investment in "me" but I worry sometimes. I cannot keep spending forever, although I would feel better about the money if I were posting big losses each week. We will see this Wednesday if the new reduction in calories is having an impact. I'm nervous but curious too. I'd like to think this uncomfortable transition period is worth it.  

I know from my initial transition onto the Optifast products that I must take it easy for awhile. Drink my water. Take hot baths. Get enough sleep. I am hoping my energy will return in due course. I loved the way I was feeling and want to get back to that. Of course I will be notifying the clinic on Wednesday about my situation. I am afraid they will put me back on the higher calorie plan, but if that is required, so be it. There is also my lab work to study -- that will yield some interesting information.

So for all those struggling with low weight loss numbers, please know you are not alone. We all respond differently to the products. I'm hanging in there because I know Optifast works. I may be struggling right now but that will pass. I always try to remain optimistic -- it's a good thing to be.

Some Reflections

I thought today that I would list some important things I have learned to date about doing the Optifast program. I'm about a third of the way to my goal weight, and some reflections might be in order.

Patience: When I started the Optifast program, I really thought I would be dropping a significant amount of weight very quickly. I'm not quite sure where I got this idea. I knew I had thyroid issues and my thyroid doctor, who suggested I lose weight in the first place, had told me that weight loss for me would take time. But I pushed this to the back of my head, and viewed a liquid diet as a "miracle cure" -- something that would work fast and over-ride metabolic realities. This would prove to not be the case.

I have learned, week by week, that there is a little victory with every pound lost. Yes, in the back of my head I will always wish for a greater loss each week than I have, but I am becoming more comfortable with my "average" loss of 2-3 lbs. per week. Predictability is comforting, in a way. I try to never forget: I am moving closer towards my goal. I will reach it in due course. Embracing patience, not frustration, is a gentler path to follow.

Preparation: I stepped into the Optifast program almost "cold" -- I hadn't done much research beyond talking to my brother who did Optifast in 1982. I would suggest one do some thorough research before embarking on the program, and talk to the family doctor if possible. I'm moving through just fine, but it never hurts to gather as much background information as you can.

I mentioned previously that I have never been on a diet before. No Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig or other type of program. My saving grace has been my clinic, which has been running their Optifast program for 33 years, and has a wealth of knowledge about how to successfully do the program. I make sure to ask the dietitian and doctor a lot of questions and relay information to them about my struggles. And I take the extra step of introducing myself to the other people going through the program. We support one another and celebrate victories along the way.

Also, I plunged into Optifast without thinking through carefully how this would impact my husband. He was and is very supportive, but when one person in the couple stops eating "regular" food, things change dramatically. Talk over your decision to do Optifast with your spouse and children before you start. This will help with the transitioning process. Adjustments must be made and you can smooth things a bit if your loved ones are in the loop.

The Support System: Perhaps the most valuable tool you can have to help you successfully reach your goal weight is a good, solid support system. This includes family, friends, individuals in your clinic, and in this wonderful day and age, people you can meet through the Internet. Posters on the Optifast Facebook page as well as those writing and reading Optifast blogs are a great help. I do think our journeys are best understood by those currently going through the Optifast program or those who have successfully completed it. Odds are most have faced any struggle you are facing, and can help guide you through the pitfalls. I credit a good deal of my success to all the wonderful people I am now in touch with electronically. I know I am not alone and that is a great feeling. Work on building up your own support system. It's a valuable thing to have.

One Day At A Time: If there is one phrase that sums up my personal strategy for staying committed to the Optifast program, this is it. If I go down the path of thinking, "Oh no, I have x days to go without real food" I will start to waver and question myself. I am doing the program for a reason -- I was sedentary and obese. My health was impacted. I am not doing this simply to look good in a pair of jeans -- I am doing Optifast to get back to a healthy, happy me. And using the "just for today" mentality makes my journey so much easier. I stay in the day and find that to be completely manageable. I encourage you to think about using this approach. It's an "easier, softer way" and it really works!

I am sure I will still be learning more things as I continue on my journey. I hope this information is helpful to you.  

The Craving Crisis

I am now in my twelfth week on Optifast and consider myself a "veteran" of sorts when it comes to doing the program. I have my routine down pat, I flavor my products so they taste great, I feel fabulous, and I am seeing the results of my hard work. I even cook for my husband and with only one exception, I have never felt any urge whatsoever to eat his food.

And yet, I am sitting here today recovering from the worst craving for food I have ever had in my life.

It happened last night. It came out of nowhere. I was definitely unprepared -- nothing like this with regards to food has happened to me before so I had no experience to draw upon to manage the situation. For the first time, my commitment to our Optifast products came into question. I started to build a "justification" for eating. But somehow, I got through it with sheer, brute willpower.

The target of my urge? An Italian sub I brought home from work party, for my husband to eat for dinner. He decided he did not want to eat it, and got some pizza instead. There it sat, in the fridge, wrapped in aluminum foil. I hadn't unwrapped it, so I had no idea what it looked like. But oh, I could imagine. I've had many, many subs in the past. I can gobble those up in six bites. The moment my husband said he didn't want it, I started thinking about it. A lot.

At first, everything was okay. I had my dinner soup and shake at 7:00 p.m., and logged on the computer to check my e-mail and Facebook, and research a few things. I had two hours until my jello treat at 9:00 p.m., but that time tends to fly by. Last night, however, it didn't. My mind kept drifting back to the sub. I decided to have my jello earlier. I drank water, as suggested. Regardless, I could not get that wretched sub out of my mind.

As you can expect, the next step was to throw that thing in the trashcan -- I pushed it down as far as I could. I even wondered if I should run it under water (to ruin it) before I threw it out, but I didn't go to that length. I'm glad, because I think if I saw it up close and personal, that would have created even more trouble for me. I went back to my chair, closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I didn't feel entirely safe, but I was able to collect myself enough to go read some blogs of other Optifasters. I always go to their pages when I need support -- and this was one of those times. As I read, the craving lost its grip on me. I stabilized. And felt an incredible sense of relief.

I'm one who likes to compile "Lessons Learned" -- wisdom I've gained from navigating through tricky situations. Despite how uncomfortable this experience was, I am coming out of it with some knowledge. Most importantly, a craving does pass. You do not have to eat food to make it go away. If something is "threatening" you, throw it out immediately. Take it to the trash outside, if necessary. I believe it's important to remove the item entirely.

Secondly, in my case, I should have called my husband at work to see if he wanted a sub for dinner. I assumed it would be something he would like. It wasn't -- and I ended up in a compromising situation. When I cook for him, I have complete control over what he eats, portion sizes and leftovers. This was not the case last night. Sure, I loved taking the night off from cooking, and I plan on continuing to do this. But I need to make sure that "outside" food brought home is what he will actually eat.

Blogger

And finally, if you are in trouble with a craving, seek out blogs written by others on Optifast. I have a list of a few to the right of my page, and on their pages are links to even more Optifast blogs. Reading helps eliminate the urges. I don't know how exactly, but it works. Draw on the wisdom of others. They are there to help you through your journey. And rest assured, they have been where you now find yourself.

As always, my mantra is: If I could manage this crisis -- and I'm not the strongest of people when it comes to food -- you can too! Expect the unexpected and you'll be one step ahead of the game.

The Gift That Keeps On Giving

(Courtesy of my clinic, Central Ohio Nutrition Center Inc.)

At times, weight loss patients get so focused on the pounds lost that they fail to see all the positive changes that are occurring along with the weight loss. Here are some things to think about next time you are wondering if you are succeeding or not!

1. Have you lost inches? Clothing size changes or inches lost can spur you on to keep going.
2. Has there been a change in your blood pressure since you have lost weight?
3. Has there been an improvement in your cholesterol levels?
4. For diabetic patients, has there been a change in blood sugar, medications needed, or insulin? This is often a motivator for patients to keep the weight off!
5. Have you been able to decrease or completely discontinue any medications since losing weight? Many patients are pleased to decrease the need for medications, and also realize that they are saving money!
6. Have you been able to move easier? Patients often state this as one of the biggest reasons for wanting to lose weight. They want to be able to enjoy life and participate in activities with their families! The next time you need motivation for continuing, realize how much more you are able to do!
7. Are you fitting into seats and booths more comfortably? Airplane seats, restaurant booths, and waiting room chairs become much more comfortable after the weight loss!

So the next time you need a boost to keep on going, just take a few moments to realize all the positive changes that have occurred. With weight loss, many people feel better mentally and physically. Make each day count and enjoy the journey!

To Buy Or Not To Buy

Well, I've got an interesting dilemma. We are now at the juncture where my existing pants and shirts do not fit. Wearing the belts is no longer doing the trick. The inseams are off and I really look disheveled. Yes, this is a good problem to have when it comes to weight loss, but it raises some questions that need to be answered.

Do I buy a smaller size? If so, how long before those get to be too big? Do I really want to spend money on a new wardrobe if it won't fit in a month? Clearly, I've got to do something, but I've been spending a good deal of money on my Optifast program and I don't want to spend more needlessly.

I did see on the Optifast Facebook page a suggestion to go to thrift stores for clothes as you are going through weight loss. These stores are much more reasonably priced. It's been my experience, however, that I often don't end up wearing what I bought in thrift stores. I get home, try the clothes on, and something is inevitably "off" -- perhaps that's the reason the clothes ended up in the store in the first place. Also, the pants don't fit as well as I would like. So this kind of store may not be an option for me (but it could be for you).

There was another suggestion made to get my pants altered. There is a cost associated with that too. Also, let's face it: Retiring your fat clothes for new ones is pretty darn exciting! Look at me -- I am basically talking myself into a shopping trip at a department store, by ruling out all the other options. Typical! But a little voice is telling me to hold back, at least until I get closer to my goal weight. Some self-control is required.

The other thing I am noticing is my shoes are getting looser. I did not expect this -- but I guess it does make some sense. I am losing fat all over. Apparently, that includes my feet as well! What probably happened was my shoes were stretched out over time and now the more slender foot slides around. So we are not just looking at a need for new pants and shirts, but new shoes as well. And also, what about bras and underwear? That's probably down the road. What a financial outlay. Please don't tell my husband.

Deep down, I'm tickled pink about all of this. I didn't think about this "problem" when I started Optifast, and I find it humorous. It's a very pleasurable situation to be in, and I do feel grateful. To Buy Or Not To Buy? Maybe I could just peek into a store...maybe?

A Pleasant Surprise!

Surprise!

 When Wednesday rolls around each week, I always get a little nervous. That's weigh in day, the day of "reckoning." I don't go to the clinic until 4:30 p.m., so I've got lots of time to worry about what my loss may or may not be. I do find that my concerns have eased up a bit the longer I have been on the program. But I still have that little moment of cringing when I step on the scale.

It's beautiful outside today and I've been in a good mood. I can't fully describe it, but I awoke this morning with a feeling that my weigh in was going to be good. I didn't want to jinx things so I purposefully tried not to dwell on these good thoughts. But they kept popping up throughout the day. Interesting. Was my body trying to tell me something?

Maybe that's why I was not completely bowled over when I registered a 3.8 lb. loss on the clinic scale. Keep in mind, my biggest weekly loss since I started Optifast has only been 4.5 lbs. -- at my first weigh-in -- and all of it was most likely water weight. Ever since, my average has been 2.2 lbs. a week. This is a wonderful loss for me and I'm thrilled!

What caused the extra loss? In a word: exercise. Yes, my Drill Sargent husband has me out walking and that is clearly making a difference. As you know, I've been fighting this for weeks. Now that I am seeing results, I am definitely feeling more motivated. And I did get those new running shoes at the New Balance store. Very pricey, but clearly the most comfortable shoe I have ever worn. I love to wear them. As a special "treat," I suggest you buy some good-quality walking/running shoes. Worth every penny.

 I also asked the dietitian about the possibility of  "tweaking" my program, which currently calls for three Optifast 800s and two Optifast 70s a day. I wanted to be placed on all Optifast 70s every day, but she said I can have three Optifast 70s and two Optifast 800s a day, plus work in some weights, to help assist more with the weight loss. I'm happy about this.

Don't you love little surprises? I do. Really rounds out my day. I trust I will have a few more on my Optifast journey. Things always seem to turn out that way!

Never Give Up

The root of all evil

Well, let me come clean on something: Right now, I hate exercise. It wasn't always this way -- I used to run, and swim a mile a day, 5 days a week. I had a trainer and did intense circuit training. I felt great after my workouts. But alas, things have changed. I dread walking. I have no passion for it. And sadly,  if I'm going to succeed on Optifast and beyond, this is going to have to change. Great.

How did this dislike of mere "movement" evolve? Well, I'm pondering this tonight. I believe I can pinpoint the start to last summer. I twisted my ankle horribly and actually could not really walk for a few days, and then it was hobbling for awhile. Sitting on a recliner with my feet propped up was far more comfortable. And then I discovered I could arrange nibbles on the table next to me so I didn't have to get up and go back to the kitchen. Perfect! Time moved on and before I know it, I'm barely walking at all. Funny how quick this can become a habit.

When we rolled into the Fall and hockey season opened, I had no choice but to walk from the parking garage to the Arena. This was about, oh, seven blocks or so. I made it two blocks before a searing pain cut across my lower back. I am 46 years old, and nothing like this had ever happened before. My breath got labored and I slowed to a snail's pace. Grandmothers were passing me on the sidewalk. What was wrong with me? My God, I had been so sedentary I now couldn't walk. I was horrified. (Actually, this incident and others like it that followed were the major spark for me to go on Optifast.)

Ten-hut!

Fast-forward to today. I am actually feeling quite proud of myself! I did a 4 mile walk with my husband. He has become my "Drill Sargent." I protest about the walking and he makes me go anyway. He walks at a much faster pace than I do, so I have to move a little more quickly at first than I would like. But bless his heart. As I mentioned in a previous post, he had me hike 1.5 miles up the side of a mountain last weekend; this weekend we walked the bike trail into downtown. My feet are killing me but I am so glad he made me do it.

I know I am going to have to bring in a personal trainer when I start doing the circuit training. I am waiting until I drop another 20 lbs. to do so. So I'll have two sargents keeping me going. The ultimate goal is to no longer need them, rather to actually want to do this on my own. I've got my eyes on that goal. To me, I am not just on a journey to shed my weight and call it a day. I want a lifetime of good health, which means eating sensibly and exercising regularly, among other things to keep things fun!

A new best friend

I want you to know if this sedentary slug can get up and moving, you can too! I've been where you are, I'm still struggling a bit with it, but slowly progress is being made. It took some time to slide into a life void of exercise, and it's going to take some time to get up and out of the chair. To motivate myself, I'm buying a new pair of cross-trainers this week. Perhaps in a wild color. Hockey season starts in five months. And I plan on being ready!

 

Russian Roulette

Tonight I need to relay a warning. For me and for you. I have done something against doctor's orders, something I initially thought was innocent but I learned did not have good consequences. And what was that? I cut back on my Optifast products, having four a day instead of five. And I got sick. I did not find the experience to be pleasant. Headache, fatigue, upset stomach, dizziness. I stopped feeling good -- no, great -- and healthy. And I got scared.

Let us examine why this happened. Last weekend, Memorial Day weekend, I went on a trip and ate a box of Optifast bars. At my weigh-in on Wednesday this week, I had my first gain since starting the program: 0.2 lbs. To a normal person, this would mean nothing. It is so insignificant, they would say. But to me, it was a failure. And this is the proverbial "stinkin' thinkin'" that gets one into trouble every time.

I began to rationalize to myself that if I took less product every day, I would lose more weight. Make up for the gain. I'm frustrated about my slow weight loss as it is, so I started fantasizing about weigh-ins where I see five lbs. carved off instead of two. And I started to actually believe that I knew better than the medical staff at the clinic regarding the maximum calories I need to function and be healthy.

I played my little roulette game for two days. By this morning, I was feeling God awful. I was exhausted, hungry, lightheaded, and my good mood evaporated. Basically, I couldn't function. I knew I had screwed up. So I got back on schedule immediately. I did not return to normalcy until late this evening. And I'm truly relieved.

Some valuable lessons come from this: First, if I don't follow directions from the experts, odds are I am going to get into trouble. Second, I am still really screwed up by those numbers on the scale. I need to do something about this. ASAP. Perhaps talk therapy is in order. I will ask the clinic. I'm sure there are others who have this problem. If a mere number can cause me to jeopardize my health, then we've got a problem. And I want it corrected.

I think it's time for me to post the "scale" picture again. It makes me feel better. If you are struggling, maybe it might help you. I will get through this journey. It's just proving to be a little more "complex" for me than I thought.