I'm recovered from the craving crisis yesterday and now I'm actually feeling quite spent. I plan to take a bath soon and go to bed early. It's been a tumultuous weekend. But before doing that, I wanted to look at this picture again to reinforce what I know is best for me to remember: my weight will not consume my life. Period.
Now, there are some facts that need to be pointed out. I went on Optifast because I needed to lose weight. At 239 lbs. with a BMI of 42, I was considered obese. My health was not in the danger zone, but was encroaching upon it and something needed to be done. No ifs, ands or buts. So I started a weight loss program. I have a goal. And I will be on the program until I reach it.
Despite my discomfort, I must deal with a scale. Something showing numbers. But that's all it is. I am not "good" if the numbers are low or "bad" if the numbers are high. Sure, when we put the numbers in the context of my overall health, my lower goal weight is where I need to be. But when it comes to defining who I am as a person, the scale has absolutely nothing to do with it.
I refuse to fall victim to the horrible weight obsession that grips so many people. An obsession with numbers that are given so much power that the person can no longer determine who they are and what is truly important in life. I do not want my life wasted by spending all of my day thinking about my weight. Actually, I don't want to start my day by weighing myself. Maybe at night, once a week. That's all I'm going to allow.
Yes, my goal of 160 lbs. is important and I need to be practical in my maintenance of it. But my life will be focused on many other things as well, important things key to my overall happiness. My marriage. My family. My beloved hounds. My friendships. The shared love between us nurtures who I am as a person. Not the scale. And this I will never forget.
My dear Melissa, I know these times are tough when the numbers seem to do their best to creep into our minds. But, you are doing the right thing by walking through these feelings and letting your resolve say to them, no, you are not going to rule my life, not any more. You hit the nail on the head ... there is so much more than worrying about the numbers. I know it's easier said than done, but this is the work that is important now - changing the tapes that play inside to new messages of hope. We are on an incredible journey and I'm glad we're walking this path at the same time!
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