The Dilemma: Do I Have A Meal Out?

As I mentioned in my last post, "Why Comply?" an opportunity has arisen for me to have an allowable meal out. This is something my clinic suggested -- and a practice that they allow on certain occasions for full fasters (as opposed to those on the partial plan) faced with situations that might require eating non-Optifast products. My clinic, Central Ohio Nutritional Center, Inc. (CONCI) is the second largest Optifast clinic in the U.S. and has been in existence since the 1970s. Subsequently, this "green light" is not something that has not been tested. It has been allowed before. I am not a special case.

Now, my full compliance to the program is certainly a key factor in this situation. I have clearly demonstrated I follow directions to the letter and this is no binge session. I am allowed 2 Optifast 70 products that day then 4 oz. of fish; steamed vegetables with no butter; and a small salad with no dressing. It's actually an example of a sample maintenance meal. It's strict and includes no carbs or sugars. Whether it retards my weekly weigh-in would have to be seen after the fact. But even more concerning to me is whether or not it precipitates a full relapse in my program. That is what makes this a dilemma for me. And it is the reason why I must give this a great deal of thought before following through with it.

It's no secret that I am very, very proud of my compliance record to date. Frankly, it hasn't been too hard, and surviving two terrible craving experiences has only made me stronger in my resolve. I also feel a sense of "obligation" to my readers to be an example of someone who can provide wonderful support and motivation to complete the program and make it to goal. I do not want to jeopardize this. Which is why I will continue to ponder this until it comes closer to the time when a decision must be made.

I believe a situation such as this requires some "mental preparation." Blindly saying, "Let's go for it!" and not thinking about what happens afterwards is not something I personally can do. Putting real food in my body after months of a liquid-only diet is a huge step. Frankly, I am nervous about how my body will react. Certainly the clinic would not approve of such a situation if it was dangerous to my health. But I do "fight" fairly hard for every pound lost. It's been a slow-going journey, to be sure. Do I want to stumble by my own devices?

But I am intrigued by the possibility of getting a "test run" for maintenance, as successfully managing that is something front and center in my mind. Maintenance is going to be a big challenge for a chef skilled at preparing culinary delights night after night, year after year. Cooking has been my life for many years now, and I'm nervous about the changes I must make. Dining out with my husband has also been front and center for me. This situation will arise regularly, and new eating behaviors must be practiced. Experience such as this is invaluable to me.

So a new "twist" has now presented itself. I will keep you up to date on my decision-making. Any comments from your inquiries at your clinics regarding this type of situation would be greatly appreciated.  

Why Comply?

I've been reading on our support pages about Optifasters having great difficulty sticking with the program. My heart goes out to them because I know how frustrating it must be and in my case, my small "cheats" with the Optifast bars three months ago ushered in such powerful feelings of guilt and remorse. Sadly, I think we are wired to think negatively about ourselves when we are not "good" and follow our instructions to the tee. This should not be the case but all to often, it comes to pass.

But let me take a moment to build a very strong case for sticking with the Optifast guidelines and remaining true to the program. First off, all should know that the reason Optifast works to help you shed a significant amount of weight in a shorter period of time is that it puts your body into a state of ketosis. You consume a set amount of products that greatly reduce your caloric intake, and your body begins to get its energy from burning fat. The products fill you up, and your hunger disappears.

Optifast all but removes carbohydrates and sugars from your diet. It is focused on protein -- much like the Adkins diet. But the moment you begin eating carbs, sugars or fats -- in a binge for example -- ketosis is broken. Your weight loss ceases and even worse, you are back to square one and must build back up to ketosis again. This means going through hunger and fatigue and the other uncomfortable things you initially experience when you start the program. And some get an upset stomach and feel ill after binging. All in all, it's not a pleasant place to be. So I stay far away from it.


The other key reason I remain complaint is the sheer cost of the Optifast program. I will have spent thousands of dollars on it before I am through. I'm just not the sort of person who will ever feel comfortable throwing away that kind of money on something I am not taking seriously. I have a very frugal husband who balked at the cost at first -- and rightly so. I might as well light a match to hundred dollar bills if I ignore instructions. And I just can't do that.


And lastly, I can only speak from my experience, but as someone who has relied on the Optifast products for 4 1/2 months, I feel truly fabulous. I may be losing my weight slowly, but my body feels so good. There is a spring in my step, I don't have aches and pains, my mood is wonderful, my self-esteem is soaring. Watching those pounds slide off is like a dream come true. Seeing my clothing size drop is liberating. Knowing my health is coming back to normal is relieving. The benefits are undeniable. 


Now, I cannot stress enough how strongly I believe that just because you have a slip, that does not mean you should jettison the program completely. You get right back on the proverbial horse and keep going forward, day by day, hour by hour if necessary. I don't have hard statistics to prove this, but it's my belief that the vast majority of Optifasters have a slip whilst on the program. It takes an incredible amount of willpower and dedication to be 100 % compliant. We are human and we fail from time to time. This is not something that should shame us.

Also, in my clinic, they encourage a few on the full fast to actually try a meal out on rare occasions. This has been suggested to me (because they know how important dining out is to me and my husband). I must let you know, however, that the allowable food for such a meal is very, very strict: no more than 4 oz. of grilled fish; a small serving of steamed vegetables; and a very small salad with no dressing or just a splash of vinegar. For someone used to preparing and also going out and ordering far more elaborate meals, this does not sound very appealing. But it is something I am considering.

Complying with your Optifast program does take some work but the benefits are so many. If you can keep that in mind, I believe that may help you stay on track. Weight loss will always require a change in attitude and a strong dedication. And if we go into our programs with a positive attitude and a desire to succeed, we will reach our goal weight. What an accomplishment that is! You can do this if you set your heart and mind to it. Make the commitment and victory is yours!     

Halfway Home: Progress Pictures

Well, here they are. The first photos of myself I have posted on my blog. Top: Me before starting the program (239 lbs). Below: Taken today. Me just past my halfway point (194 lbs.).

Know that I am very shy about having my picture taken. I forbid the family from taking photos of me for many, many years. I was so unhappy with my figure and I didn't want it captured for the history books. My mother displays photos of her children and grandchildren throughout her home, and photos of me are missing. It bothered me, but I wanted it that way.

And now things are about to change!

I'm thrilled to report that I am now down from a size 22 to a size 16. Actually, I'm between a 16 and a 14, but as you know, I don't like tight, clinging clothes. I made sure to get size 16 pants and shorts with belt loops so I am covered for a little while. I also rummaged around and found an old bathing suit that now fits so that necessity for the summer is squared away. Now what do to about my tops...ugh. I am actually tired of shopping, if you can believe it! I think I will hold off on those. Sure, I look "baggy" but I'm going to wait.

I'm still on Cloud Nine from the 7.7 lb. loss yesterday. Oh, how wonderful it would be to repeat that! But wise am I. Back to my 2.2 weekly loss rate in due course. But that's okay. I'm doing just fine!   

It's A Miracle!

Dear readers, something wonderful has happened. It was completely unexpected by both myself and the clinic. A drum roll please. My weekly weigh-in registered a 7.7 lb. loss. Now down to 194 lbs., I have blown past my halfway point. I have 34 lbs. left to lose to hit my goal. When I stepped on that scale, I could hardly believe my eyes. I'm under 200 lbs. Finally. And gosh darn it, it's time to celebrate!

There is so much I want to say right now, but my thoughts are a little jumbled. Let me start by letting all those who have a slow loss rate, like me, know that miracles do exist in the Optifast program. I'm now living proof of it. We can be surprised by a truly significant loss week. In hindsight, I should have known this would happen because my brother told me it happened to him. I guess I just wouldn't let myself believe I could experience something like this too. Remind me to call him tonight!

Suddenly some of my past frustration has melted away -- and even though I may feel this way for just the next few days, I am so happy to be in this state. This really means something to me on a personal level. I feel like I have truly accomplished something. I also know how patient I have been over all these weeks, and that has now paid off. To be treated by this loss is something I will definitely savor.

Some might wonder if I did anything different this past week to stimulate such a loss. The only thing different is I now add 1/8 tsp. sea salt to my daily soup, due to my low sodium level. I can't see how that would affect my weight (and the doctor didn't mention anything about it). Instead, I am thinking my body just chose to let some extra weight go, all on its own. Whatever the reason, almost 8 lbs. is gone. Good riddance to you!

I am going to treat myself to some extra Jello tonight. At 20 calories a cup, I think I'll be okay with two cups!  Next, I am rewarding myself with a 90-minute massage. I've earned it! Oh, I feel so good right now. As always, thanks to all my Optifast Facebook friends for your support. I couldn't do this without you!  

Comparing Ourselves: Some Words Of Wisdom

I'm an outgoing person by nature, and I enjoy getting to know people in my clinic who are going through the Optifast program like myself. I will often introduce myself and say how long I have been on the program, and they typically reply with the same information. But I never, ever ask how much weight they have lost. There is something so personal about that question, so awkward, when it is asked face-to-face. So I never bring it up. It's as if it's a line you do not cross. And I respect that.

But in the world of electronic communication, things are much freer, which opens up the chance for wonderful dialogue and the exchange of information. Regarding our Optifast journeys, we have a chance to share more intimate details about our program and provide support to new friends we meet along the way. We can go into specifics regarding our weekly losses, milestones, struggles and triumphs. In other words, an intimacy is created that most of the time does not exist in the clinic office. And it's wonderful.

However, there is one dilemma that this creates. Because all of us are overweight, and we are all enrolled in the same program, we are naturally going to be curious how our compatriots are doing. How much weight they have lost, in what amount of time, how many sizes they have dropped along the way, etc. We all want to lose our weight as quickly as possible. And that's no wonder when you are on a rigid, restrictive diet. So the inevitable occurs. We start comparing ourselves to others, particularly to those who are losing weight more quickly. Worrying starts if we don't keep up the pace. Frustration sometimes builds. Even jealousy can rear it's head. How should we handle this?

It's simple. Nip it in the bud.

In my ever so humble opinion, comparisons really serve no purpose. They just lead to uncomfortable feelings. We must never, ever forget that we have different bodies and different chemical make-ups. And this effects how quickly or slowly we lose our weight, either on Optifast or through another diet. For every person losing more weight than you there is inevitably someone losing less than you -- and that "someone" is probably me! I've talked about "acceptance" of your situation in the past, and I truly believe in that. By embracing the acceptance credo, we get an inner peace about our situation. We relax. And let things unfold as they may.

Of course, if you are truly concerned about your loss rate, I strongly encourage you to discuss the situation with your dietitian and doctor. I have done this more than once. Not only was I fully educated about my situation, I was praised for my success so far. I am in the average weekly loss range -- 2-4 lbs. per week -- which is fabulous for someone with my metabolism. It also outpaces Weight Watchers. Which is why I am satisfied with my Optifast program.

Don't get me wrong: comparisons are so hard not to do. I engaged in them when I first started. They are a knee-jerk reaction for most of us. But do try to let them go. Pat your back for even .5 lbs. lost. A loss is a loss! And something to celebrate. If we adhere to our programs, we will reach our goals. Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly it will always materialize if we work for it. And that's a promise!  

Problems With Isolation

Perhaps the greatest challenge I have had since starting Optifast is trying to overcome the tendency to isolate myself. By this I mean I do not go out to restaurants any more, and those were the number one source for getting out for my husband and myself. I also met up with my friends over meals, so I don't see them right now. Subsequently, I'm home quite a bit. I have been encouraged by several Optifast friends to give going out to a restaurant a try, taking along one of my products to have whilst others eat their food. But I just don't feel comfortable with that. I tried it once, and boy was I glad when it was time to leave.

I realize all too clearly now how much my life revolved around food, and now that it is removed I'm literally unsure sometimes what to do with myself. In hindsight, I think that once I started Optifast, it was inevitable for me to have some difficulty occupying myself during those times I normally ate out. Establishing new routines is tough sometimes and it takes work. I have found that being successful on my program requires so much more than just taking the products and not cheating. It requires some innovative thinking about how to spend time when I get lonely and bored.    

I am trying to address the problem by taking walks with my husband in the evening, going to movies and music shows, swimming with the family, relaxing in the garden and of course spending some time on Facebook offering support to those on the program. I also write this blog, which gives me great satisfaction because I hope that I might be of help to others navigating their way through Optifast. But yes, despite all of this, I do get lonely from time to time. And I'm sure there are others like me. 

What is helping a little bit is I know I will be able to go out and eat with my husband, family and friends in due course. I am not going to be living this way forever. I'm also trying to be optimistic -- stay in positive thinking as much as I can. Honestly, this takes some work on my part but I'm putting forth the effort. And I'm always doing research about eating healthy because I know after I wean off the products the real work lies ahead. Maintenance could be challenging for me.

So in essence, maybe what I am doing right now is slowly making some behavioral changes -- changes that will help me overcome overeating caused by these exact feelings of boredom and isolation. If so, that is excellent progress! This is what the clinic tells us we must do: identify what lies underneath the overeating and  address it in tandem with healthy eating. If we do this successfully, odds are we can keep the weight off for the long term. And isn't that what we all want? I guess I'm just a work in progress. And that's not such a bad place to be.
  

My Tailored Optifast Program

I don't believe I've posted about the specifics of my program. I thought some might be interested in how it is tailored for my situation. Given the hypothyroidism, and accompanying low metabolic rate, the clinic decided to put me on a "combination" plan. This calls for three lower-calorie Optifast 70 shake products and two Optifast 800 products a day. The 70s are designed to "kick start" my loss rate, which was initially projected to be only 1.5 lbs. a week. I am actually doing better than expected, with an average loss of 2.2 lbs. a week and occasional weeks showing a loss over 3 lbs. I have even had a week where I lost 5 lbs. This caused much excitement!

Some may wonder why I am not solely on the lower-calorie all Optifast 70 plan. Given my low sodium level due to other medications I take, it's necessary for me to have an Optifast 800 soup every day -- and we are also adding 1/4 tsp. of salt to each serving to boost my sodium level even higher. I also prefer the 800 products to the 70s, so I asked to include an Optifast 800 vanilla shake a day as well. This program is working well for me. I enjoy my routine and the variation.

I want to let those still in the questioning phase of whether to enroll in the Optifast program to know that my slower loss rate should not cause you concern. Odds are you will probably lose much more quickly than me. We are all different, with different chemical make-ups. I have certain metabolic issues that directly impact how much I lose each week. My path to my 80 lb. loss goal is going to be longer than others. But I'm okay with that. It took me awhile to come to peace with this reality, but I'm here now.

My dietitian also spoke with me yesterday about how our bodies have a natural "settling point." Weight loss under this point can be very slow-going. This is why I have a goal weight of 160 lbs. even though I am 5'6. I could probably shoot for something a little lower, but it may be difficult to maintain. Now, I could encounter some obstacles towards the end of my journey and have problems getting to 160 lbs. even. But we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

Importantly, I may have lost only slightly less than 40 lbs. in four months, but the inches shed from my body has been significant. That is wonderful. I am receiving compliments galore and I am constantly going down in clothing size. I love it. So Optifast is worth it to me. I just need to be a little more patient, perhaps, than others. I keep hanging in there. And if you're like me, you should too! We'll reach our destination in due course. I know it.

Four Month Update

I officially finished four months on the Optifast program this week. At weigh-in, I only lost a pound, but it's "ladies time" so I wasn't upset. I know from experience that this is my pattern. Actually, in the past, I would have slight gains for weeks like this, so I'm ahead of the game. I'm down from 239 lbs. to 202 lbs. This means I'm still not at my halfway point (200 lbs.), but I'm hanging in there.

My dietitian did give me some great news: My cholesterol is down from 237 to 193! I'm absolutely thrilled. I've been worried about my cholesterol for years. My BMI is down from 42 to 32. And I've dropped from a size 22 to a size 16. Not bad! So on the whole, I am doing well.

I had some "progress pictures" posted earlier, but decided to have new ones taken. My hair wasn't dry and I wasn't wearing any make-up! I'll have them up soon.

Saying No To Obsession

As you know, I really, really like this scale picture. This is my third time posting it. Enough time has passed that I can't remember where I found it. Probably Facebook. And if I could locate the wonderful person who created this object d'art, I would hug them.

I'm recovered from the craving crisis yesterday and now I'm actually feeling quite spent. I plan to take a bath soon and go to bed early. It's been a tumultuous weekend. But before doing that, I wanted to look at this picture again to reinforce what I know is best for me to remember: my weight will not consume my life. Period.

Now, there are some facts that need to be pointed out. I went on Optifast because I needed to lose weight. At 239 lbs. with a BMI of 42, I was considered obese. My health was not in the danger zone, but was encroaching upon it and something needed to be done. No ifs, ands or buts. So I started a weight loss program. I have a goal. And I will be on the program until I reach it.

Despite my discomfort, I must deal with a scale. Something showing numbers. But that's all it is. I am not "good" if the numbers are low or "bad" if the numbers are high. Sure, when we put the numbers in the context of my overall health, my lower goal weight is where I need to be. But when it comes to defining who I am as a person, the scale has absolutely nothing to do with it.

I refuse to fall victim to the horrible weight obsession that grips so many people. An obsession with numbers that are given so much power that the person can no longer determine who they are and what is truly important in life. I do not want my life wasted by spending all of my day thinking about my weight. Actually, I don't want to start my day by weighing myself. Maybe at night, once a week. That's all I'm going to allow.

Yes, my goal of 160 lbs. is important and I need to be practical in my maintenance of it. But my life will be focused on many other things as well, important things key to my overall happiness. My marriage. My family. My beloved hounds. My friendships. The shared love between us nurtures who I am as a person. Not the scale. And this I will never forget.    

The Craving Crisis: Chapter Two

It happened again. Just like the time before. The craving -- out of nowhere, completely unexpected, fierce, and very upsetting to me. I have been very fortunate to have had only one true craving while on my program, so when this happened, it really rattled me.

The object of my obsession wasn't a sub like last time. It was buttered movie theater popcorn. And I wasn't even in a theater. I wanted it so much I felt like crying. I got despondent and frustrated and angry all at the same time. I think the worst part of it was I felt trapped -- in my house, in Optifast, in a lifetime of dieting, in potential weight obsession. And I didn't want to be there. I was in a nightmare.

The other thing about this craving was I didn't just want a "taste" of buttered popcorn. I wanted a king-size serving, slathered in butter, that I could gobble up in the dark with no one watching me. An out of control binge -- the likes of which I have never engaged in ever. I'm frightened that I could even conjure up this scenario. Where did this come from? Why yesterday? What do I need to do to make sure it never happens again?

Before I can even think about answering these questions, I wanted to let you know what I did to get through this awful situation. I went straight to my computer -- to see if I could find one of my fellow Optifasters to help me get through this. By some miracle, Elana was on Facebook and answered my plea for help on the Optifast Chat Support page. Just a few back and forth posts and I started to feel better. Then I got my water. And started reading some other Optifast blogs. And soon, I was back under control. Crisis passed.

The craving always passes. I know this from the last time. But it can be very, very powerful (at least in my experience). Maybe I'm being overly dramatic, but this one was flat-out horrible because it incorporated a very destructive thought about binging -- something so unhealthy and for those on Optifast, something quite dangerous because you could wind up in a hospital from overeating certain things. This binging aspect of the craving caught me as much off-guard as the craving itself. I never want to experience it again.

Okay. Back to my questions. Why did this happen? I'm scratching my head, but I think a few things came into play. I was bored. I was tired. My husband was here but I felt lonely. I missed going out to eat. And I think there was one big reason a perfect storm started brewing: I have been going into the future again, worrying about gaining all of my weight back, and obsessing on what strategies I have to implement and stick to forever to be thin.

Oh, this is what I was so concerned about when I started the program and had to face that scale. I had a deep-seeded fear of becoming obsessed with the numbers and wrapping my self-worth up in them. Time to take a step back here and take a deep breath. Okay. I was slipping into "black and white" thinking. In other words, I am either going to eat minimally or engage in overeating. There is middle ground here. The "gray." I will be able to enjoy, on occasion, some of the foods I love. I can build daily healthy menus that I enjoy eating. The clinic is giving me information. I'm going to be okay. Live in the present, Melissa.

I am so much better today. I made it through. I am going to get out of the house. Go visit my mother and take a swim in the pool. She mentioned going to a movie, but I think it's best for me to stay away from movie theaters right now (wink wink). The craving is over, I didn't cheat, and I'm back on track. Time to get moving.    

Embarrassed By Optifast?

A friend I hadn't spoken to in a long time called me this week to see how I was doing and to invite me over tomorrow. We chatted for awhile, catching up on our activities, and inevitably I felt I needed to tell her about my weight loss. "I've lost almost 40 pounds," I said. "What?!" she replied. I could hear the amazement in her voice. Should I tell her about Optifast? I hesitated. Then decided against it.

Why? Well, I think I am embarrassed to tell some people I am on Optifast. I know I'm not alone in this. Lots of Optifasters are like me. I know in my case, I want to avoid any negative judgement of my choice to enroll in the Optifast program. I'm afraid people will call me nuts or see me as someone who wants a quick way out of having to follow a traditional diet. I think about how everyone harshly criticized Optifast after Oprah Winfrey did the program and gained all the weight back. Even though Oprah, by her own admission, didn't follow the Optifast long-term maintenance plan.

I also think that some, who have never had issues with weight, view obese people as lazy and "less-than." People who make suspect and ill-conceived choices in anything that has to do with weight. I don't want anyone questioning my decisions. And I know I am a good, loving person. Sure, I gained a lot of my weight because I cooked and ate high-caloric food, but I do have a serious thyroid problem that contributes to the weight issue. Yet do I really need to build some "justification" to some that Optifast is right for me and I haven't lost my mind?

I know I don't need to pick up a bullhorn and broadcast to everyone that I'm on a liquid diet. But when you start dropping some serious weight, people you know are going to notice. There is no way around it. And in our highly weight-conscious society, they are going to be very, very curious how you lost your weight. So we're stuck, in a way. There are just some situations where the truth must be revealed. Why do I feel so awkward about it?

Here's what I have been mulling over lately. There is no way around the fact that many, many people are highly suspicious of very low calorie/liquid diets. Some doctors included. But if we really think about it, is the problem with the diet itself or does the real issue have to do with what the dieter chose to do after the program was over? There are also those highly-publicized examples of celebrities who have done liquid diets and failed to keep the weight off. Those are not going away. Some people heard about it and made up their minds that liquid diets are a waste of time. And let's face it: when you tell some people you spent 8 months subsisting on shakes, soups and bars, they will be shocked. That you cannot change.

But deep inside, I know that the Optifast program is right for me. I had to lose this weight. I wanted to do it successfully. I needed a program that made the food choices for me and ensured I was getting the proper nutrition to be healthy. I wanted support and information on how to keep the weight off after the program was over. And most importantly, I wanted to be under a doctor's care. My Optifast program offers all of this. And that's why I chose it. This not some "fad" diet. As it says on my product packets, this is a "serious solution to weight loss."

So I am trying to be a little more comfortable with my decision to do Optifast. While it's not a program for everyone, it is for me. That's what ultimately counts. This is my life to lead and I need to take care of my body. No one else can do that for me. I have chosen this path. And it is working for me.      

Too Far To Fail

On the Optifast Facebook page, they spell it out quite clearly at the top of their page:

"The typical Optifast patient loses over 50 pounds in 18-24 weeks. For many dieters, weight loss is only temporary."

Okay. It doesn't get any more straightforward than that. I have to give them credit for honestly stating that yes, you'll lose weight on our program but if you expect to keep it off, you're facing some long odds. One thing I know is I don't want to be one of those "many dieters." Do any of us? I have come too far to fail! But how good are my chances for long-term success? Or put in another way, what do I need to do that the "many dieters" didn't?

Yes, I know through my research and my educational sessions at the clinic that former Optifasters who gained the weight back never followed the clinic's lo-cal meal plans, stopped exercising, started eating like the good old days, and sure enough, found themselves back to square one. The "many dieters" didn't implement the lifestyle changes discussed thoroughly by the clinic that are necessary to maintain the goal weight. But why? This is what I am interested in knowing. Could it be as simple as some people just like eating food? Don't like restrictive menus? And God forbid, hate exercising? Wait a minute...isn't that me?


And what about the emotional aspects to eating? Many eat for comfort. Or celebration. Or because of boredom. How are these things to be addressed? Are there new tools we should be using? Some of this gets overwhelming for me sometimes. I'm assuming the "many dieters" have problems in this area too. Yet this must be addressed for successful weight maintenance.  


I truly understand why people say that the phase I am in now, just taking my Optifast products, is easier than the (lifetime) maintenance phase that follows. And I'm worried about that. Perhaps I'm ahead of the game because I'm thinking about this in earnest now. I do not want to gain the weight back. I would feel so discouraged and deflated. Not only do I really need to stay focused in my educational sessions, I have to be thinking in earnest how I am going to reshape my relationship with food and my body. I have quite a bit of work ahead of me. One foot in front of the other, Melissa. One day at a time.
     

What To Do With The "Fat Clothes"?

Well, I finally threw up my hands this week and accepted that my work pants are huge, make me look disheveled and need to be retired. I went on a second shopping trip and purchased two new pairs -- three sizes down! -- so I've got to figure out what to do with the old ones. Also, the shorts I bought a few weeks ago don't fit and they need to go somewhere too. But where?

Most would suggest throwing them away or donating them to charity. Sounds like the obvious thing to do. But something makes me hesitate. Am I afraid I will gain all the weight back and need them again? Or do I just want to remember how far I've come? Maybe a little bit of both. I'll admit I am nervous about maintenance after I'm off of Optifast. I know the statistics -- many, many people put all their weight back on within five years of stopping Optifast. I'm going to be facing a challenge, but at this juncture I'm ready for it. So maybe I can let the clothes go.

I remember as I was gaining weight, I gave a lot of my smaller-sized clothing away. I kept a few things, which is good, because I can wear them now. But a good deal was donated to the Salvation Army. I remember feeling upset because I liked the clothes and I had to acknowledge that I was getting larger. I was ashamed of myself and disgruntled about the money I had to waste buying new things. Boy, have I cycled through a lot of clothing over the years. How nice it would be to get down to a normal weight range and hold it there. This I must do!

Honestly, my closet area is brimming with clothes of all sizes and I need to organize it this weekend. I'll admit I'm a little overwhelmed, but I guess I should just start with one pile and go from there. It has to be done. And I think I'll donate a good deal to charity. What the heck. The way women's fashion changes, that's probably a good idea anyway!

Why Won't I Exercise?

After a two week respite from the clinic scale, I was weighed this afternoon. I lost five pounds, so I am ever-so-close to the halfway point. Three more pounds to go and I am there. It can't come soon enough!

I have made a "vow" that I will be more committed to exercise once I clear that threshold. I have fallen off the exercise wagon completely. It could be the hot summer weather but more likely, I am just being lazy. I know all too well that it is good for me and will facilitate more weight loss. I know that daily exercise must be a part of my maintenance plan or I could very easily gain back all the weight. My husband has been incessantly nagging me to go on walks with him, but I keep begging off. He is getting frustrated with me, and understandably so.  


So I'm nervous right now. Very nervous. I'm wondering if I need to find a trainer, someone to meet me at the gym and run me through the paces. I had one in the past and it was a very successful arrangement. Unfortunately, he moved and I have not been able to find a replacement. I think I need help. Perhaps I am just one of those people who cannot motivate themselves to exercise on their own. I hate to admit this, but it may be the truth. Darn it. Another expense to contend with!

There is also an option of joining the local YMCA to swim laps in their pool. This could be enjoyable during the hot summer months. I love swimming. I haven't done this kind of exercise in awhile and it could be a good thing to pursue. I will check into it.

So I've hit another "pothole" in my road, but I'm trying to think of ways to navigate out of it. I have to address the exercise issue. It's too important and critical for my long-term success.

Halfway Home?

My clinic was closed for the July 4 holiday last week and subsequently, I have not been weighed in almost two weeks. This has me slightly intrigued with the pound loss results when I go to the clinic in two days. I only lost 2 lbs. at my last visit and I am hoping for something a little more substantial. I don't think I'll be disappointed -- I have that "feeling" I've shed some weight. I'm trying to get to my half-way point and that means eight pounds to go. I hope I'm close.

I start thinking about the weigh-ins about two days before they occur. Although I've tried not to let that scale dominate my thoughts, it does start to have a prominent place in my thinking as I near weigh-in day. I'm particularly tense right now because I want so much to hit 200 lbs -- that will mean I have only 40 lbs. to go. Halfway Home. Oh, how much I want to be there!

My last weigh-in registered 208 lbs. I've been on product for 3 1/2 months and if I hit 200, I can estimate (roughly) that I'll be into maintenance in November. It will have been a long road to hoe, but I can say in no uncertain terms that it will have been worth it.

Now, I need to be very careful here. If I let my weight loss hopes get too high, I tend to be quite disappointed if things don't turn out the way I expected. I've learned from many, many weigh-ins that my results can be all over the map. This is why I do dislike scales so, as I've mentioned in previous posts. They affect my mood and I really don't like that. But face them I must, because the numbers keep me motivated. The clinic told me I need to purchase my own scale when I move into transition. That is something I am not looking forward to.

So I'll try to keep myself occupied for now and try not to dwell on Wednesday. It's hard. But I'll try.

Some (Stern) Words About Taking The Products

I get very, very nervous when I hear about folks on Optifast not taking all of their products each day. For me, that spells nothing but trouble. Our calories have been cut back drastically as it is, and to limit them even further can make someone very sick. No physician would support such a thing. Certainly not those at our clinics. If they knew about it, they'd probably refuse to sell you the products anymore. That's how serious this is.

The most popular reason I've heard for not taking the required daily product amount is the individual was too busy. Also, people have mentioned they forgot to bring it along when they are out. Here's what I suggest: Make your Optifast products your top priority for the day. Something you must do, something that takes precedence over everything else. If necessary, plan your day around your Optifast meals. Whatever it takes.

If your health suffers, everything suffers. This is not something to play around with. We are talking about our bodies and having them function correctly. In some of the research I have found on liquid diets, there is mention of cases (not involving Optifast) where people died. I take this very seriously. And so should you.

Here's something else to consider: By not taking all of your products daily, you are opening yourself up to horrible cravings and possibly, an uncontrollable binge. Why place yourself in such a situation? It's a rotten place to be and it can all be avoided if you follow the clinic's instructions and take what is prescribed. You've come far in your journey. Don't derail the train with something you could ultimately control.

I know our program is rigid. It's repetitive. It gets boring. Sometimes I wonder when will it ever end. But something keeps me going. Sure, there's the goal weight, but more is going on here. I feel good. My health has never been better. I am starting to really like the way I am looking. People are noticing. I don't want to throw in the towel. So I keep plugging away with my 2.2 lb. average weekly loss. Following instructions as I go. For me, there's no other way.

I hope you'll be able to take what I say to heart. Importantly, I say it with love and compassion and genuine concern for the well-being of all the other Optifasters out there. Take your products as prescribed. Your body will thank you, your clinic will thank you, and so will I.  

Inevitable? Boredom With The Routine

Well, I encountered something new yesterday. I found myself bored with our Optifast products. This was new. How did this happen? No, I wasn't craving anything per say. I just made my morning shake and as I was swallowing it I thought, "You know, I really am just going through the motions. And I'm bored with it."

Maybe it's a wonder I haven't felt this way until now. Maybe this was ultimately meant to happen. I mean, I do have the exact same thing every day. Four shakes and a soup. It never changes, and I have been doing this for months. Isn't the boredom inevitable? Of course. I guess I'm lucky it's held off as long as it has.

Now, what's got me a little nervous today is this: If the boredom continues, will it usher in a cheat? Oh no, not that! I have worked so hard not to do this, as my weight loss is so slow and I don't want to do anything that will hinder it even more. And cheating invites the guilt and remorse. I do not want to have to deal with that. I've got enough worrying on my plate. Something needs to be done. But what?

Perhaps some new types of shakes and different soup flavorings need to be invented. I only drink vanilla shakes because they can be flavored in many different ways. I use extracts -- banana, walnut, maple, butter, almond, orange, and rum. Banana or maple for breakfast; almond at lunch; orange in the afternoon; and butter rum at dinner. In my soups, I use Indian spices, horseradish powder, jalapeno powder, cayenne, and dill. I need to go to the gourmet market today. I will buy some new spices. I can also go to the grocery and get some of that Torani sugar-free syrup. Yes, that might make a difference. Change is good.

Hmm. I also have been trapped indoors for days. There's a heatwave sweeping across the Midwest and temperatures topped 100 degrees the past few days. I'm restless. Come to think of it, I'm bored in general. Is this the real crux of the problem? I don't have anything to do? Yes, that may be related to this. I need to get out!

Yes, I will go marketing today. And I'm going to walk the dogs. We won't go far -- the 14-year old is so slow -- but a walk will do us all good. Into action! I like that.  

Bless Those Blogs!

I'm what you should call "technically challenged." I fought getting a cell phone for years; I don't know how to text or take pictures with it; I have no idea what an iPod or iPad is; I can't fathom how you would go about setting up a website; I still don't know how the remote control works. I wouldn't say I'm proud of this, but I will admit that my life is a little less hectic without all of this, err, "distraction." (wink, wink)

Blogging was something I didn't know too much about. Before I started penning this one, I never read them because I didn't think they would have much to offer me.  From what little I knew, I thought they were mostly someone's musings about children or movies or music, etc. Little was I to know a blog could offer so much more -- wonderful support and suggestions on how to live a better life.

The last place I thought I would find Optifast support and friendship was someone's Optifast blog. In fact, when I started the program, I had no idea people were even writing them -- that's how in the dark ages I was. They were never mentioned in my orientation, so I just figured my Optifast "support system" would consist of my family, other people in my clinic, and the individuals I was starting to know through the Optifast Facebook page.

Actually, it was a friend, Susan, who I met through Facebook that first told me about them. In a private message, she gave me a link to a blogger who had been through the Optifast program successfully -- and kept a great blog on her journey. Intrigued, I went to the blog site she gave me and started reading. What interesting information I found! Questions I had about the program were addressed. Struggles similar to mine were shared. The honesty and humor of the blogger was such a treat. How thrilled I was to find this!

As I continued to read, I came to a post where the author listed links to even more Optifast blogs. Look at all of these, I thought. What a great resource! More reading followed and over time, I got up the courage to start my own blog. And here we are!

To the right of my blog, you will see links to the blogs I read most frequently. I recommend them highly. More than once I have gone to them when I am in serious need of support -- the kind only a fellow Optifaster can provide. When I am in my vulnerable times, they get me through anything bothering me, like cravings, weigh-in frustration, maintenance fears, etc. Sometimes I just need a good laugh, some inspration or a pick-me-up and they provide that too. Oh, God bless the bloggers! I'm so glad they are out there.   

If The Ring Fits

Several years back, when I was at a somewhat reasonable weight, I decided I wanted a special ring for my right hand. I had seen advertisements in magazines saying that a woman should "treat herself" to something special like a right-hand ring, and that appealed to me. Although I rarely wear jewelry (save my engagement ring and wedding band), something about this type of ring really piqued my interest.

First, I went to my (frugal) husband, and asked if he would buy one for me for Christmas. He showed no enthusiasm at all. Okay, I'm on my own with this one, I knew, so I hopped in the car and headed up to the jewelry store where we purchased our wedding rings. I certainly wasn't dressed for the occasion -- my hair was in a ponytail, my jeans were baggy, my sweater covered in Basset dog hair (like all my clothes!). No wonder the salesman looked at me oddly when I waltzed into the store!

However, when he punched my name in the computer and found we had been very good customers before, everything changed in a heartbeat. "How can we help you, Melissa?" he purred. I wanted to roll my eyes. "I am here for a ring. A right-hand ring." He knew exactly what I was talking about. I was ushered into a seat facing a glass case and he sat opposite of me. And then out the rings came for my inspection. Oh. My. God.

They were beautiful. I prefer white gold, and immediately my eye caught a gorgeous ring featuring small interwoven bands studded with tiny diamonds. That's it. I knew it. I'm no good at showing a poker-face, so the salesman knew it instantly too. "Try it on," he said. Gingerly I slipped it on my finger. I'm in love.

I looked at the price tag. Gulp. It was under $900, but not by much. I immediately felt guilty. I had the money but should I spend this much? What would my husband say? Was it too extravagant? Showy? Did I deserve it? I want it! Before I know it, I'm saying, "I'll take it!" And that was that. After re-sizing, the ring was gracing my hand the very next day.

Fast forward to last summer. My hands had swelled up so much my beautiful, treasured ring no longer fit, cutting into my finger if I tried to wear it. I was crushed. I had to put it away in a cabinet, sadly hoping one day I could wear it again. And there it sat. Until today.

I awoke this morning and noticed my wedding rings were really loose, sliding around on my finger. Immediately I thought of my other ring, stored so long ago. Is this finally the day? Will it fit after all this time? Eagerly, I went to cabinet and picked it up. Here goes...I slid it down my finger. Over my knuckle and down. And of course you know what happened: it fit. My beloved, special right-hand ring fit perfectly. I was giddy with excitement. Oh, thank you, thank you Optifast! I'm a happy woman today.

For Those Struggling With Loss Rate

I wouldn't say I'm an "expert" in Optifast, but I've been on product over three months now and logged a few weigh-ins in my time. One thing is quite clear to me now: we all lose weight at a different rate, and I am in the group that rarely breaks a 3 lb. loss every week. In fact, I have had weeks with a gain. As of now, my average is 2.2 lbs a week, and if I said that didn't frustrate me, I'd be lying. It does. And the other thing I have learned is this: I am not alone. There are a heck of a lot of people on Optifast frustrated as well.

But let's step back here and really assess the situation. If one is in full compliance whilst on Optifast (taking all products daily, not cheating, drinking water and exercising), the average expected loss is 2-4 lbs. per week. Weight Watchers can't produce this kind of result. It's significant, it's noticeable, and it's fantastic progress. There is also the loss of inches we get from the Optifast program. This is not necessarily reflected in pounds lost, but right now, I sure like the way I am looking in a mirror! Optifast success is measured in different ways. What about my excellent cholesterol levels now? Isn't that just as important as the number on the scale?

Perhaps you are like I was when I first started the program. I've mentioned this before, but I'll repeat it. I had, what do I call them, "delusions" that I would shed all of my weight (80 lbs. in my case) at record speed. Yes, some people do have this kind of success. And they are very, very fortunate and in some cases, a rare exception to the rule. I have been over this with my dietitian at great length. In many sessions. My average loss rate of 2.2 lbs. is falling right in the range of where it should be. In fact, given my thyroid and other issues, it could have been less. So in a way, I am an exception to the rule.

Now, it has taken over three months for me to feel comfortable in this state of "acceptance" of my loss rate. Yes, I still get frustrated, but I have moved into a space now where I understand that I will reach my goal -- in time. Honestly, I feel better now than I have felt in years. I actually like my routine. It's easy to follow. And I am definitely seeing results. I can do this! And so can you! Never forget that ultimately, we are losing our weight much more quickly than it took to put it on. And that is an accomplishment to celebrate! 

Yes, we all know that saying, "Patience is a virtue."  And for those of us watching the pounds slowly fall off, we get an "A" in the virtuous category. It's a grade well earned. And something that should make us very, very proud.

Staying On Schedule

One thing I have learned from my experience to date on Optifast is I do best when I adhere to the same product schedule every day. For me, that's a shake around 8:30 a.m., one at 12:30 p.m.. another at 3:30 p.m., and then a final shake and soup at 7:00 p.m. I round out the day with my sugar-free jello at 9:00 p.m. When I follow this plan, I never get hungry and my energy lasts all day long.

However, there are inevitably days when the schedule doesn't work out this way. And that tends to cause me problems. For example, yesterday at the family gathering, everyone had BBQ sandwiches at 5:30 p.m. Not wanting to stand out, I had my soup and shake with them. When I got home around 8:30 p.m. I was ravenous. I had my jello but that didn't take the hunger away. I drank my water and that helped some, but I was still hungry. I went to bed that way and didn't sleep very well. Fortunately, I got back on track today.

I have decided that I really dislike those hunger pangs. I start thinking about food -- nothing in particular, just something that would take the hunger away. I have not had to deal with them much. Mostly just those first few days in the beginning when I was transitioning onto the products, and a few weeks ago when we substituted one of my 800 shakes for a 70 shake to try and increase my weight loss. But altering the schedule can cause problems too as I found out yesterday.

I've heard from some who aren't able to get their daily product allotment in all the time, and I wonder if they find they don't feel well. I think that would happen to me. I need those calories to function properly and I don't like to be uncomfortable during this fasting phase. Getting my five products in each day has never been a problem for me so far, it's just spacing them out correctly that can be a challenge sometimes.

It helps that I like the shakes and soups, and I've worked up an extract "flavor schedule" for them. I have my banana nut shake in the morning, almond vanilla for lunch, orange in the afternoon and butter rum shake at dinner. I purchase both the chicken and tomato soups and alternate night to night. Knowing in advance what I'm having helps keep me on track. Not everyone will be this way and will probably want more flexibility. But it works for me.

So staying on schedule --taking all of my daily products and spacing them correctly-- is fairly important for me, for health reasons, ease of product consumption, and to avoid side effects. I recommend this strategy wholeheartedly.