A Letter To Me

I had more anxiety this afternoon -- over a personal situation -- and my stomach started tightening and my neck and shoulders got very tense. I have instructions now from my psychiatrist to have another Ativan when this happens, so I did that. When relief finally came, I went for a walk with my husband in the park. Out came all my words about my fears and stressors this past week. And then my self-criticisms followed. Those are always lurking under the surface. And dear hubby told me to let all of these worries go, to do deep breathing, and he agreed that I need a massage and should go as soon as I can.

He was quick to add how proud he was of me; how incredible my Optifast compliance was; what an accomplishment reaching goal is; how I am struggling in maintenance emotionally, but making it through...and to top it all off, I am laying out my story for everyone to see, in the hopes that I might be able to help others on this same journey. I am doing the best I can, and there is nothing more I should be doing. This is my path to follow.

Tonight I want to write something to myself. A letter. It would go like this:

Melissa, I am so proud of you. You have achieved something that many cannot, for whatever reason. You worked hard for it, you sacrificed, you hung in there through countless disappointments. You faced incredible anxiety sometimes, but worked your way through it. You have made many new friends, cheered them on, supported them through difficult times. You are a good person, a caring person, a kind person.

You do not have to be perfect, Melissa. Most days, you make wise eating choices. On other days, you have relaxed things a bit. This is not something to feel guilty about. This is life. You are in a new world, embracing a new lifestyle, and it takes time to adjust to this. Give yourself the leeway to make mistakes. Your world will not fall apart and you will not plow your weight back on at breakneck speed.

Melissa, you are intelligent and gifted in so many ways. Embrace that. Believe in yourself and your capabilities. Others do. Why not you? You are loved. I love you.

Tonight I wrap my arms around "me" and give myself a big hug. I've needed to do this for a long, long time. Let's get that "sparkle" back in my eyes, that spring in my step, that smile on my face. We can do it: Me, myself and I.