As most tend to do, I guess I should look back on the year and think about all that has happened. Clearly, the weight loss stands out as the biggest event. According to my scale, adjusting for the roughly 2 lb. difference in the clinic scale, I hit my initial goal today. I weigh 160 lbs. That's 79 lbs. carved off this year. Truly a stellar accomplishment. I have dropped from a size 2X (some items 3X) to a size 12. My bras are smaller, my shoe size is smaller, my rings have been re-sized. I look like a completely different person -- my husband tells me I look 10 years younger.
I feel better than I have in a decade. This goes way beyond just physically better. Emotionally, I have grown leaps and bounds. I've got some self-confidence back, some self-respect, I can look in the mirror and actually like what I see. No more avoiding it, no more cringing, no more crying. I like myself. And that's truly a wonderful thing. I've worked so hard for this, and it's paying off. No, I'm not completed with this weight-loss phase of my journey, but I'm pretty darn close. Only 10 lbs. more to go. It took nine months to get to this point, but as I've said before, the time really has flown by.
On the whole, this has not been a difficult program for me. Yes, the entire month of December and the Christmas holiday was brutal, emotionally, for me. I was not prepared. I don't necessarily blame the clinic, because talk therapy is not their area of expertise. But I will mention my experience to the dietitians, and perhaps a class can be incorporated in the future that addresses the emotional aspects of fasting during the holidays. I know other program participants had a difficult time emotionally too, so I think such a class would be beneficial to many. We'll see what they think when I go to the clinic in two days.
It was wonderful taking all those clothes that no longer fit me to the Salvation Army. Dropping off those 10+ bags was one of the most freeing experiences I have ever had. It took me awhile to get to that point, but once I was ready, I attacked my closet, started stuffing, got the bags in the car, and pushed them down the donation chute. It was absolutely liberating, to say the least. I know I don't talk about shopping and new clothes much, but I will let you know I wore a gorgeous wrap dress to a big work event in November and pretty much blew everyone I haven't seen in awhile away. I received so many compliments that I got overwhelmed. I've slowly started to build up a new wardrobe of beautifully tailored clothing -- just a few pieces, but I feel like a million bucks wearing them. New bras and shoes will follow in due course. I just like to take it slow.
Speaking of what's following, I guess today is the day to be thinking about 2013 resolutions. Now, making resolutions is something I never do, not so much because I don't think I can follow through with them, but rather I tend to believe life unfolds as it may. But I am going to make an exception this year. I am going to make a resolution to have a full year of weight maintenance, keeping myself, on average, in the 150-155 lb. range. I will remain the same clothing size. I will continue to stay in touch with the clinic and see the dietitian. I may keep my scale, but if an obsession starts to really grip me, it is going straight to the trash. I can weigh in at the clinic for free, once a week if need be.
I am also going to make a resolution to keep blogging. Many of the Optifast blogs I have seen simply stop, as if mid-sentence. I'm going to keep going, because I believe writing keeps you accountable to yourself and others. The "Optifast Journey" doesn't stop when you complete the fasting phase of the Optifast program. Oh no, it continues onward. There are a lot of Optifast skeptics out there waiting to pounce on you when you move into maintenance. Well, I'm ready for them. Bring it on!
So we will see how I do with my two resolutions. I'm going to give it my best shot to stick with them. Okay, I'm off to wrap up 2012. First up: I'm going back to bed. I'm exhausted! Have a wonderful evening everyone. Happy New Year!
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