The Road To Wisdom

Rise and shine

Interestingly, I awoke this morning with a strange calmness. It feels like some weight has lifted off my shoulders -- some guilt has slipped away, some anxiety has disappeared, some forgiveness of myself is here. I was on the Optifast Chat Support page for quite awhile last night, and penned some emails to Optifast friends about my struggles and I definitely believe this is a factor in how I feel today. Many, many people have told me that journaling your feelings is a very therapeutic thing to do. And they are indeed correct. I feel much, much better.

It is now one day until Christmas Eve. The family is gathering for another dinner this afternoon -- not planned, but I now expect these things. I will participate, I will eat, and I will enjoy myself (as best I can). What I am realizing now is I have options available to me. It is not either full fast or flat out binge. There is the Optifast "partial plan" that consists of a daily schedule of products plus meals. I can begin this on Wednesday, in three days. I have not pursued this option, even discussed it with the clinic, because I have been very bull-headed about doing the Optifast program full-tilt. But, to be fair, I needed to do this to some extent because I was obese and had great discomfort in many ways -- and it is just in my nature to tackle problems this way. Plus, with the thyroid problem, it had to be done to see results. So I will not live in regret about it. What's done is done.

I do hope I have not put off anyone to the Optifast program, or given fodder to those who want to harshly criticize the program as ineffective and a waste of money. Optifast works. I am just finding that you need to "work" too -- and this goes way beyond just having your products and working out every day. There are deep emotional issues at play for many of us, and they are still going to be there when the weight is gone. Honestly, I did not have any real, succinct knowledge of this when I started the program -- this is a sort of "wisdom" that has been developing over the months and growing from conversations with others going through the Optifast program. I just see the "big picture" now so clearly. And it's quite eye-opening.

Looking back, this has been an incredible journey and huge changes are occurring in my life. For the most part, I'm happy, but as you can tell from my posts, there's anxiety and fear interwoven. So things are complex. I guess that's how I am in general, so I shouldn't be surprised. But here's to 2012 and off I go to have my morning shake and finish wrapping presents. 'Tis the season to be jolly. I'll try not to forget it!