Towards The Middle: Moderation

I am the middle child and you would think I would know a little something about "being in the middle" when it comes to weight maintenance. In other words, not throwing caution to the wind and eating everything in sight nor restricting everything I eat to the point of insanity; rather, living in a healthy state of eating in moderation, living in "the gray" so to speak. But I tend to be a black or white, all or nothing person. Always have been. So the idea of having foods I love in moderate amounts is something quite new to me.

But yesterday evening, I did a little test. I hadn't planned on it, but when the opportunity came up, I decided to go for it. Here's what happened: My husband asked for Cincinnati-style chili for dinner. I thought it would be good prepared in the crock pot, so I located a recipe. When you use a slow cooker, the smells fill the kitchen. It really hit me when I came home from the library, where I went to get more books on emotional eating. I thought about my healthy pinto bean/brown rice/vegetable salad I had prepared in advance, and then I stopped. I realized that I have not had (I don't think?) any of my own good cooking in over a year. I'm going to have some chili, I decided. And I did.

I'm so, so proud of myself that I kept my portion manageable. I didn't eat to excess, until my stomach hurt. And later in the evening, I had a slice of my iDiet soda bread when I started having my carb craving. I felt relaxed and in control.  Yes, initially, I thought of my dinner as a "slip" but then it hit me. This was okay. As one of my dear Facebook friends told me, I am not a nun. I loosened the reins and the world didn't fall apart. Actually, my weight did not change from yesterday -- I weighed in at 156 lbs. this morning.

This afternoon, I donned my new yoga pants and running shoes and I took a very long walk with Sir Little Legs around the neighborhood (it's gorgeous outside). I had hoped to add an additional walk with my husband, but he doesn't feel well today. I had fun -- yes, I had fun! -- walking with my beautiful hound. I felt good about my body, myself, my health. I felt good about everything. As someone who has really struggled with embracing exercise, this was a real breakthrough for me.

Yes, I am tightening back up today and it will continue through the week -- at least that's the plan. And I will continue watching and inputting my calories and experimenting with healthy dishes I can incorporate into my new eating routine. But it was nice sampling one of my higher-calorie dishes. In moderation. It's a step towards "the gray." I can live with that. Yes, indeed.