The Cheeses Were Not Standing Alone

High, ho, the dairy...Oh!

It's a "Good Afternoon All!" as I slept in today -- past noon -- which is very, very rare for me, but oh, how rested I feel today! This type of "luxury" is something I truly treasure. I can tell it's going to be a very lazy Sunday, with housework put on the back burner, and instead wrapping myself up in a blanket and relaxing with a cup of tea and the Sunday New York Times. I love days like today. They are few and far between, so take advantage of this I will!

My sister came over yesterday afternoon and ended up staying late into the evening. I was mentally prepared ahead of time and stayed on schedule with my oatmeal for breakfast and two eggs and a English muffin and low sodium V-8 for "brunch." But when it came "cocktail hour" time and I got out the shrimp and cheese and crackers for everyone else, well that's when my eating plan started to change.

I had some exotic cheeses in the fridge that needed to be used, so there was quite an assortment to sample. I have steered far away from rich cheese for over a year. I was lucky that I could still cook with it for my husband's dishes even though I was in a full fast. I felt no desire to sample it. I knew "cheating" was off limits for me, and I remained focused on my Optifast products. But I'm in maintenance now, and food is back into the equation. So as I stood at the kitchen counter arranging the cheese platter, in popped the thoughts.

I wonder how that cheese tastes. How about that cheese with that cracker? And what about this cheese? Is this cheese better than that cheese? Oh to hell with it. Let's find out!

I brought out the platter, set it down on the table, then pulled up a chair and in I started. I would alternate, piece of shrimp dipped in cocktail sauce, followed by cheese and cracker. I kept going, not keeping count of how much I was having. Soon I didn't taste much of anything anymore, and it became more of an exercise to just get all of the shrimp and cheese finished off so I wouldn't have to deal with it anymore. One thing I am realizing now is I actually fell silent as my sister and husband continued talking. I was zeroed in on that platter.

Now the good thing is I hadn't purchased too much shrimp, so that was polished off soon. When it was gone, I had a "wake up call" of sorts -- I sat back and said to myself, "Whoa there Melissa. You're getting out of control." I slid my chair back and got up, taking the bowl of shrimp tails to the garbage can in the kitchen. I had some water and got a piece of gum. Then I went back to the den and got the cheese platter -- no one protested -- and brought it to the kitchen. I immediately pitched all the remaining cheese and the entire box of assorted crackers. Even though all of this was very expensive and I hate to waste money. Fact is, this stuff is a threat to me right now. I love it all too much.

So I am sitting here, pondering the concept of "moderation" and whether I will be able to embrace it when it comes to rich food. As we've seen here over these past months, I've got myself into trouble every time I order something rich at restaurants. I take that first bite and immediately fall in love. Or in lust. Whatever we want to call it. The same thing happened with the cheese. Good thing is my tummy is okay today, and there wasn't too much damage as far as my weight is concerned. But yesterday is just another example of how exposure to decadent, rich things spells trouble for me. I start eating and do not stop until what's in front of me is gone.

As always, the important thing to take away here is I recognize all of this -- and acceptance is half the battle. I was even able to get the brakes on yesterday and get that remaining cheese pitched. And I'm really pleased about that. Maintenance is a struggle and I knew way, way ahead of time this was going to be the case. Things are tough at times, slips are happening, but I am continuing to learn things about myself and the way I behave around food. So this is good. Did I have fun last night? Yes, I did. I'm glad we had company over. This is important too. All of this is a learning experience. And I'm doing okay.

Well, I'm off to read the newspaper. Hope you have an enjoyable Sunday as well!