Down But Not Out!

"Runaway Eating"

Okay, I've been struggling lately and I'm feeling down and discouraged. That's fairly obvious. And I knew going into maintenance -- heck, I knew it when I was on product -- that struggle I would when this time came. As you know, my main burden is emotional. I ease up on my "controls" and allow some deviations/choices, and in my case that triggers guilt and anxiety. I do wonder if I'm alone in all this, if other people who reached goal encountered this as well. Maybe, maybe not. But I do, and I guess that's what matters.

I have also encountered these tiny "binges" and that of course freaks me out. This behavior is very foreign to me, and I know it could portend something more serious if not nipped in the bud. Subsequently, I have gone to the library and looked up books that talk about bingeing behavior, and I found one I like. It is called "Runaway Eating." I like it because it is targeted towards a middle-aged audience. Many books of this nature are addressed towards younger women. Not this one. Although I am not a binger in the true sense, I am learning quite a bit about it. And because I am so rigid with my eating routine all week, I reach the weekend and start wanting to "attack" things, or graze for extended periods of time. Balance, perspective is needed so much. Hopefully my research can help me achieve that.

Now, I will say that the authors advise readers to not go on any diet at all, reasoning that if one follows this path, the desire to binge will dissipate. I'm not on board with that, because I'm grateful for what I accomplished through Optifast and the "iDiet" is working very well for me. So keep that in mind if you want to order the book or find it at the library. I simply find it informational, as far as giving me a better understanding of what binge eating disorders are all about.

I remain totally committed to keeping my weight off, and I've done a great job with maintaining so far. Yes, I need more exercise, yes, I need to ease up on myself, ditching the perfectionism and black and white thinking. I am so, so blessed to have Millie, my nutritionist, and my friends at the clinic and on Facebook. They understand what it's like to be obese, to lose the weight, to struggle along the way and afterwards. I guess I get into "trouble" when I am alone and in my head, worrying about things. Keep in mind, we don't have children to care for, so that gives one the time to indulge in "paralysis by analysis." I'm an intellectual, and pondering the meaning of things is what I do. I would call it a blessing and a curse. But it's me, and that's how it is.

It's Sunday and the new week starts tomorrow. I actually look forward to Mondays now, because it means I am back on track and in my "comfort zone." Onward I go, doing the best I can. I'm a survivor and I'll get through these choppy waters. I promise you that!