And Now, The "Weak-end"

The "Creeping Hand"

Okay, I am seeing a pattern evolve. I stepped on the scale yesterday (Friday) morning, and it registered me at 156 lbs. Right where I want it to be. I smiled broadly -- I was very rigid all week, trying to bring my weight back down after some indulgences last weekend. It wasn't easy, but I stuck to my controlled eating routine religiously. I also began incorporating green tea chai and upping my water intake, and I know that helped.

But now, here we are at the weekend, and this is where the problems, my "weakness" crops up.

Things unfold like this: I know in my head I'm right on target with where I want to be weight-wise. But I also know if I gain a few pounds, my history to date has shown I can successfully get them back off. So I begin thinking, "Well, I can relax just a little bit and not count calories this weekend. A few bites of some "off limit" food won't kill me. I don't need to measure." And so on, and so on. This kind of thinking led to a (short) grazing session in the kitchen last night. I had to force myself to go to bed early because I was frightened that things would escalate. Keep in mind, I was not hungry in the slightest. It was this idea of being "free" and "uninhibited" that carried me along.

Now, something that is helping tremendously right now is my reliance on high-fiber, dense foods when I crave carbs -- which is pretty much all the time. I am guided by the "The iDiet" book as well as Millie, my nutritionist. Yesterday I made the iDiet soda bread and it is delightful with a small amount of low-fat cream cheese and sugar-free jam. I also have iDiet "Snack Attack" concoctions made from Fiber One cereal and either nuts and cajun seasoning if you crave something salty; or dark, dark chocolate if you crave something sweet. The foods outlined in iDiet keep me full. So what we need to look at is how to address this strong desire to be uninhibited, unrestricted in what I choose to eat.

I know for as long as I can remember, I never put any restrictions on my eating. Anything was fair game. I felt little, if any guilt over what I ate. Bread with butter? Fine. Pasta with rich cream sauce? Bring it on. Four course meals including a decadent dessert? Fabulous. I knew people who were very weight-conscious and very strict with what they ate and I actually felt sorry for them. I felt free. But maybe I was "too free," if that is possible.

As you can imagine, embarking on the Optifast program was a complete departure from my way of living. It could not have been more different. I am still a little bit amazed that I was ultimately successful at reaching goal. To be on, for the most part, a full fast for 9 1/2 months is incredible, is undoable for many, many people. And I'm very proud of myself. But now, I am in maintenance. I am, for lack of a better word, "free" again. And the question now is, will I allow myself to be uninhibited as well?

It's early Saturday morning, and right now, I'm not so worried about how the day will proceed eating-wise. In fact, I've got my whole eating plan already inputted on MyFitnessPal. But I have this touch of concern about tonight. Things were problematic last night. This will probably be the case tonight. I'm trying to think of things to get me through this danger zone: going upstairs and reading a book or putting away my winter clothes. I cannot connect to the Internet upstairs, so that is ruled out, but I probably need a break anyway. I can just tell things are going to be challenging. But I'm a survivor and I can get through this.

Okay, I'm off to have my breakfast. Enjoy your weekend all. I'm going to try and do the same. Onward!