No Regrets!

The Evil Eye

Even though I'm sick, I had to go to the grocery store, and I unfortunately encountered an Optifast "naysayer." I guess I shouldn't be surprised. They are out there, and there's nothing I can say or do to convince them that it was a great program for me, and I was medically supervised, and I am now armed with the information I need to lead a healthy, happy life. In the past, I was sometimes embarrassed that I was doing the program, didn't want people knowing, and would just talk to family, clinic friends and Internet compatriots about it. But I have decided I am not going to let this person's comments upset me. I need to be feeling good about myself, proud of what I have accomplished, and confident about my choices. There should be no shame in doing Optifast.

But yes, I'll get honest. I did go into the store feeling very good about myself, and came out feeling deflated. I've always struggled with a low self-esteem, and there are lots of reasons for it. I'm in therapy, in part, because of it. I allowed this person's judgement to hold sway over my opinion of myself. I handed the power right over to them. And I hate it when I do this. I worked my tail off to successfully complete my program. It wasn't easy. Actually, it was extremely frustrating at times and sometimes very difficult. But I made it. And I'm slowly -- oh so slowly -- getting into the groove of maintenance. The clinic is proud of me, my husband is so proud of me, my online friends are proud of me.

So why am I sitting here feeling crappy about myself?

Well, I need to go back to what my therapist and people in various support groups have told me. This person has the problem, not me. Who knows what's behind it. Probably a host of things. Jealousy probably ranks right up there at the top. I don't understand that nasty monster so much, because I tend to focus on picking myself apart, not others. I just don't engage in that, it's foreign to me. I try to always be positive, and complimentary and supportive when I can. Maybe I'm "too nice." But it's just the way I'm wired, and I guess I owe deep thanks to my parents. Who knows.

Now, I can spend a good deal of time trying to analyze why this person wanted to bring me down (which is a knee-jerk reaction of mine), or I can dismiss the hurtful comments and go about my day. Cold aside, today I look great, I feel great. I wish I could say I "love me" but I'm still working on that. I'll get there -- someday. This is my time to shine. I've earned it. No apologies, no regrets, Melissa. Be proud of yourself. Many, many others are proud of you. Join them. No regrets!