Dear readers, I am so sick and getting worse. Nasty viruses have been invading the U.S. this year, and I've got one now. I thought I "dodged the bullet" this winter -- and I firmly believe the Optifast products boosted my immunity -- but I've got something now and it's really taking root. There is a very old saying: "Feed a cold, starve the flu." My husband reminded me of that, and has been telling me to eat all weekend. But I am so frightened of gaining weight and I just can't push through this. So I'm scared and not sure what to do.
I just emailed my nutritionist and I am waiting for her to get back to me. It's very, very early here, so I need to be patient. I am going to have my oatmeal and increase the amount I normally have. I am also going to have a whole grapefruit and two oranges. I must sound like a freak to some of you. I guess I'm embarrassed and wish I were some "normal" person. Some may find my situation a great example of why Optifast screws with your head -- but I caution everyone from drawing that conclusion. This is not Optifast. This is Melissa and some obsessive-compulsive behavior that has developed. Also, my latent perfectionism has been stoked and is rearing up with a vengeance. And I've got an anxiety problem and that is contributing to all of this.
It may be time for my husband to hide the scale for awhile. It's been in the back of my head for a long time. I keep promising myself I will only weigh once a week at the clinic, and then there I go, getting on it every night and every morning. It's messing with my head, my peace of mind. He is sleeping right now, so I can't have him do it just yet. But maybe I'll ask before he leaves for work. Okay, I'm going to have my breakfast. I'll check back in later.
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