Saying It With Words, Not Pictures

Some might wonder why I have only two pictures of myself on this blog to date. They are buried back in a post many weeks back. Seriously, this is mostly due to my technical ineptitude -- I do not know how to take photos with my cell phone, much less post them to this site. I am in the dark ages as far as utilizing technology. Now, I do have a friend at work who can take photos of me and then email them in an attachment. I can take it from there. I will talk to her this week about shooting a few for everyone to see.

But I do need to get honest here. For so very long, I have forbidden anyone from taking my photo. I am highly critical of myself. My response to any photo of me taken in the past ten years has been to cringe, thinking, "That can't be me. But yes, it is me. I hate that person."  There are some deep issues going on and I have been reluctant to address them. Yes, my weight gain troubles began with the thyroid disease cropping up eleven years ago, but I added to them with overeating driven by emotional issues. Dropping pounds on a scale doesn't automatically make these issues go away. They remain. And will fester unless I do something about them.

Identifying these issues and honestly addressing them is the key, I believe, to getting a grip on my eating behavior. In my case, I have sought out talk therapy recently to discuss my low self-esteem and fear-based response to physical challenges in my life. We do not discuss Optifast, the changes in my appearance, my successes and struggles with the program. That is my choice -- I never brought it up because I can address those matters at the clinic. Instead, we explore my need to make everyone else happy, at the expense of myself. We talk about how I tend to focus on taking care of others, letting my own well-being suffer. We are also focusing on my tendency to isolate myself from others. Not because of the Optifasting, rather a fear that people will "see through me" and judge me for my shortcomings.

I am walking, at times, a painful path, but I can see I am growing emotionally and spiritually. I strongly encourage everyone on Optifast who has found they eat for "comfort" to seek out therapy, in some form. It would be a shame to lose all of your weight, only to put it all back on because the emotional factors driving your overeating in the first place were not addressed. No, talk therapy is not easy. But the benefits far outweigh the pain you might uncover.

I am emerging as a happier person. I still have a long way to go, but I'm glad I started. It's a process you might consider. I strongly recommend it.