So What IS The Problem?

Well dear readers, the plot thickens. I spoke to my thyroid doctor today and my lab results are back -- and they are normal. Yes normal! My T-levels are fine, everything else is fine. So what, pray tell, has been going on with me lately? I am seeing my doctor tomorrow afternoon so he can do an examination. Maybe we will learn more then. Needless to say, I'm a little perplexed as to why I have been feeling so run down the past week.

Now, it could very well be I have contracted some type of flu bug. I guess we can't rule that out. Or maybe I am just not getting enough sleep every night. Who knows. One thing is for sure and that is I am hyper-aware about my health now. Ever since I started the program, I have made sure to take care of myself and be on the look-out for any signs of trouble. I guess I'm more aware of my body in general -- and I think this is a good thing. I watch what goes in every day, and can see the results through yes, the weight loss, but also the vast improvement in my energy levels and mood.

I will continue with this "watching" into maintenance and beyond. My body needs to be respected and tended to in order for me to remain healthy -- and happy. This is really a labor of love. At least in my view. I like my "new" body and I want to take care of it. Before Optifast, I really stopped caring. Things have changed dramatically now, and I'm so glad I am now embracing this new way of living!

Medical Malady? Call the Doctor Immediately!

Those following my blog know that I have a thyroid disorder. I'm not sure if I told you what kind: I have Graves Disease. My thyroid started growing at an alarming pace in my early 30s. I began to have heart palpitations, was exhausted all the time, and my eyes began protruding (a key sign of Graves). I was suffering from hyperthyroidism. Fortunately, it was caught in time and I swallowed a radioactive pill designed to "shrink" my thyroid closer to the normal size. As is common, it shrunk too much, putting me into hypothyroidism. Subsequently, I take a certain dosage of the medication Synthroid to keep my thyroid levels normal.

With any significant shift in weight -- either a gain or a loss -- the Synthroid needs to be adjusted. Upward if you gain weight, downward if you lose weight. And wouldn't you know. I have lost close to 60 lbs. and I am still on the same dosage I was on when I started Optifast! Of course I am feeling really terrible now. Absolutely exhausted and damn near bed-ridden. Remember last weekend when I felt so sick and thought it was a missed shake that caused it? Well, something quite different might be going on because it's a week later and I've been feeling worse and worse as each day passes.

So today I did what I want each one of you with thyroid disorders to do: I called my specialist -- my endocrinologist -- and explained all of my symptoms and then just let him do all the talking. He immediately ordered me to the lab for a blood draw. He is checking T-levels, liver, kidneys, sugar, and maybe a few other things. I am to call him Sunday -- yes, on a Sunday! -- to discuss the results. We are not messing around with this, and frankly I'm a little angry with myself for not touching base with him over the summer. He knows I'm on Optifast and I did see him in May. But I should have been dutifully following up with him as I went along.

I know some of you are doing this program without medical supervision. But I'm here to tell you if you have a thyroid disorder, you might really be headed for trouble. You need to touch base with your thyroid doctor before, during and after the program. Or you are going to wind up very sick. I don't mean to scare anyone here, but we need to call in the experts when it comes to medical conditions.

So right now I am trying to rest up over the weekend. Take it very easy. I'll know more soon and will keep you informed. Thanks to all for your concern and support!

Educating Ourselves: Researching Emotional Overeating

You probably know that the vast majority of people who do some form of a liquid diet gain all of their weight back within five years. It's a sobering reality, but we should not be put off by this. There are new resources -- books and articles come to mind -- available to us that we can study in order to control one of the key obstacles to keeping our weight off: emotional overeating.

By "emotional" overeating, I am referring primarily to comfort eating, yet also to eating out of boredom, stress, anxiety, etc. Engaging in this will pack on the pounds in no time. Attempting to manage emotions with food is not healthy, and we should be trying to identify things we can do instead of eating to get us through tough times. In many instances, this is not easy -- and if we were serious comfort eaters before starting Optifast, the pattern of this behavior may be very difficult to undo. But I think if we start educating ourselves now about methods we can use to manage our emotions, we might be in a better place.

This is where the library and bookstores come into play. Also Google searches to locate articles on emotional overeating. I went to Amazon (www.amazon.com), typed in "emotional overeating" and a large list of books appeared. Take a look. A few may appeal to you. As a fan of the "one day at a time" philosophy, I would specifically recommend this one:

Letting Go of Compulsive Eating: Twelve Step Recovery from Compulsive Eating - Daily Meditations by Anonymous Twelve Step Recovery Members

It's available on Amazon. I like this one because maintenance could get challenging, and meditations are very helpful in keeping you centered and in a good place. I believe we all should be building up a helpful library of our own to assist us in what we are trying to achieve: to take the weight off and keep it off -- for life. Literally. We are, in a way, going back to school, but I wouldn't call this class boring. Personally, I like understanding myself and my behavior, and if I can get information as to how unhealthy behavior can be changed, I'm all ears.

Our Optifast journey has many facets to it. There is the product consumption and weight loss part, the maintenance part and continuing exercise, but also the educational studies too. Those in the U.S. going through the clinic have access to some articles, books and classes, but these can be supplemented with your own outside reading. Go roam the stacks at the library, rooms in a bookstore, and let your fingers do the finding on the Internet. This can be fun! Armed with knowledge, we can succeed where others may have faltered. Crack that book today! 

Quite Unwell

Apologies for not checking in for the past few days. I have been feeling quite unwell lately and the reason for this is quite simple: I missed a shake on Friday and it has leveled me -- knocked me down for two days. Yes, two whole days I have spent feeling weak, exhausted, light-headed, almost "brittle." Fortunately, this occurred over the weekend and did not affect my work. I think I will have turned the corner by tomorrow morning, and everything will return to normal.

This happened once before, when I purposefully cut back my products because I wanted to accelerate my weight loss. Then, as now, I got very, very sick, and it is now apparent to me that my body is hyper-sensitive to any reduction -- no matter how insignificant -- in my caloric intake. I currently consume 582 calories of product and 20 calories of Jello. To restrict this further in any fashion does not bode well for me. Others could very well be different, but alas, I am not.

I also did not sleep well over the weekend, and that spells disaster for me. I need at least 8 hours of sleep per night to function properly. I hope for this situation to never, ever happen again. I don't like feeling this way -- bed-ridden and achy. It reinforces for me the fact that I have restricted my caloric intake so significantly that I must be very, very careful to follow instructions to the letter. I guess this is why I bang the drum so loudly that you should be doing this program with medical oversight. I don't want to end up in the hospital, and I'm assuming you don't want to either.

I am fatigued right now, so I will sign off. Thanks to those on the Facebook Optifast Chat Support page for your concern and help.

Shedding The Fabric "Scuba Suit"

My friend Kathy recently posted on her Optifast blog about her experience hiding behind clothes that were too big for her. She has lost a significant amount of weight and, like all of us, has had to buy smaller and smaller clothes along the way. She and I have something in common: we feel uncomfortable in clothes that actually fit properly. In my case, I call my baggy clothes my fabric "scuba suit" and I am very reluctant to take it off. It protects me, I reason, from judgement -- but in actuality, I only come across as a disheveled mess.

I went ahead and did go to Walmart today and bought four pairs of size 14W pants (two pairs of jeans and two slacks for work), three XL blouses and a black XL cardigan. Although the pants are a little too big in the waist, everything pretty much fits the way it should, and I will look more presentable than I have in years. The shirts are tailored; the pants are form-fitting; the sweater hangs nicely along my sides. You would think that I'd be thrilled about this, but honestly, I find myself feeling a little scared right now. You see, it's been a very, very long time since I felt good -- really good -- in clothes. I am not adjusting to this new situation over night. This is going to take some time for me to be comfortable.

Obviously, I need to wear other clothes than just these to work, and I am currently relying on 2X shirts and sweaters and some 16W pants. You can see why I am "swimming" in this kind of suit. I just feel safe in these things, still, despite my 56 lb. weight loss. I have also yet to donate my larger clothes to the Salvation Army -- this is something that yes, does concern me, as my hesitancy signals the fear of gaining all the weight back. Now, I have put most everything in a separate bin (with the exception of some work clothes), so it's ready when I'm ready. I'm trying not to beat myself up, rather keep giving myself time to feel comfortable in the donation decision. I can't push it. It has to come naturally. That's just how I operate.

But I am changing, slowly, but changing nevertheless. In addition to the new clothes, I have also started experimenting with wearing more make-up. The two are seeming to go hand in hand. I feel better and I want to look better -- take more time to look the best I can. Before the weight loss, not only did I look disheveled but I barely wore any make-up or accessories. It was as if I didn't care anymore. That is starting to change and I am very intrigued by this. I guess I am starting to allow myself to feel proud of my accomplishments, and to show them off more. This is new territory for me. We shall see where the road takes me.

So for now, I've got a few things to tide me over until the next shopping excursion. That will probably be in a month or so. Lord, I'm sick of shopping. But I shouldn't complain. It's all for a good cause. Me!  

Welcome!

I wanted to take a moment to welcome everyone, from literally around the world, who has come to visit my Optifast blog! I am truly humbled by all of the visitors. I want everyone to know that I write not just for me, but for you too, and I am here to help you navigate through the twists and turns of the program. I remember how much Optifast blogs helped me when I first started out on my Optifast journey, particularly during those first few weeks into the fast. I had so many questions and my hunger was through the roof. The blogs I located carried me through some really tough times.

Actually, I am still an avid reader of several other blogs. You will find the links to them on the right side of this page. They inspire me, make me laugh, make me cry. There is such wisdom there and I learn something new with each entry. I hope you'll get a chance to go visit them. I know you will enjoy them as much as I do. I also want to give a shout out of "thanks" to Optifast friends who have a link to my blog on their own blogs. I so appreciate it. This has brought many new visitors to my site, that I hopefully can help. So thank you fellow bloggers!

If you haven't started a blog, I encourage you to think about it. This is a wonderful opportunity to "journal" your progress -- you can look back to where you came from and forward to where you find yourself now. At my friend Kathy's suggestion, I have begun reading over some of my past posts and I can really see how far I have come over these past six months. I am also looking for signs of emotional growth, as I believe this is very important for successful long-term weight maintenance management. I hope to lose the pounds but gain the wisdom necessary to live at my goal weight for many, many years to come. This blog is a wonderful thing to have to assist me in this effort. So perhaps you might start your own too in the near future!

Again, a hearty welcome to you and thanks for joining me on my journey. Deepest regards and take care.

Melissa

The Joy Of Fitting Into Smaller Clothes

You've heard me talk about my belief that if you look at things in the "big picture" view -- i.e. doing Optifast for your health and well-being versus trying to look good in skinny jeans -- you stand a better chance of keeping the weight off in the long term. We face long odds against this, and we will need to rely on inner strength to stay at our goal weight. But I don't want to leave you with the impression that I'm not thrilled as can be with the way I am now looking in clothes. On the contrary, I am excited and very, very pleased!

Take today for example. It is cooling down in Columbus and the wind whipped up this afternoon. I realized I needed to go inside and find a jacket -- which required some rummaging in the closet to find my stored fall clothes. Suddenly I spied a beautiful black leather coat I bought years ago and never got rid of because I liked it too much. Cautiously I slipped it on...and it fit perfectly! I strutted around like a peacock, so proud of myself. I grabbed my Basset Hound's leash and took a long walk with him in the neighborhood, sporting my dark sunglasses and chic coat. I felt like a million bucks! It was wonderful.

Yes, stumbling upon these long-forgotten "treasures" is a great thing. Dropping down in sizes is absolutely uplifting. I will say that I am a little tired of shopping -- never thought I would say that! -- so I'm trying to hold off a little bit longer. I do, however, look like a disheveled mess a lot of the time and that's not a good thing. So I think I'll go back to Walmart for a few cheap things to hold me until my big shop at some better stores when I reach goal. I go the Walmart route versus thrift stores because you can find very reasonably priced things that are new. I like that a little bit better, though I have shopped thrift in the past. Either way, whatever you purchase is not going to fit for too long. Get pants with belts. That's a necessity!

So I am feeling quite happy this evening. Tomorrow is my weigh-in and I have absolutely no idea if I will have a loss, lose nothing, or have a gain. But I'm at peace with it. As long as I stay on the full fast and follow clinic instructions, I'll be fine. And yes, I'll be wearing the leather coat to the clinic. But of course, I'll be sure to take it off before I step on the scale! Don't want to affect my weigh-in number (wink wink).

Stop Relapsing And Make It Happen

I've got a few friends on the Optifast Chat Support page on Facebook that are struggling with Optifast cheating and what I call the Optifast "relapse." For me, a cheat involves eating "real" food, while on the full fast, in an isolated incident -- food typically loaded in calories, and not approved by the clinic. A relapse, in my definition, is continuously stopping and starting the products, and the food eaten in between these periods is also loaded in calories, salt, sugar and fat. Either problem is frustrating, painful both physically and emotionally, and sets you back from achieving your goal.

As I've said, I think the vast majority of people on Optifast cheat at least once. Strict compliance to a full fast all the way up to your goal takes an incredible amount of inner strength and an unwavering commitment. Even the clinics allow some full fasters to have some (restricted) meals out. We must congratulate those who have been cheat-free/meal free all throughout their fasting journey. They deserve it. But most will cheat or have a meal out for a special occasion. That's just a fact.

I believe Optifast relapsers are in a tough spot. They want to lose the weight, sometimes desperately, but cannot stay committed to the products. The urge to eat highly caloric food and revert back to old patterns is too strong. Once the first bite of these "bad" foods is taken, it's off to the races. When Optifasting, one bite is too many, and 1,000 bites are not enough. When the extended relapse ends, one is left demoralized and perhaps heavier than they were when the started on the products. So they begin on the products again. And soon...the cycle repeats itself. It's exhausting.

For me, because I live in the United States and can only get my Optifast products through my clinic, a constant relapse cycle is not possible. The clinic wouldn't allow it. For others getting their products from other avenues, the relapse is much more of a threat. And a costly one at that -- you find yourself basically throwing away your money again and again on something that isn't going to work. With free access does come some accountability. And that can be elusive. One must dig deep sometimes to find and keep it. Optifast is not for everyone. And if you find yourself constantly relapsing, perhaps you might want to try another weight loss program that will work more successfully for you.

But if you like this program and want it to work, I'm here to offer some "tough love." It's really quite simple. Stop putting bad food in your mouth. Stop the excuses. No one is forcing you to eat these bad things. Wishing you could lose weight is worlds away from taking concrete steps to make it happen. The Optifast program works. Guaranteed. All you need to do is follow instructions, get medical support, educate yourself, and map out a lifestyle maintenance plan to keep the weight off. We must hold ourselves accountable for everything we put into our bodies, and how we treat our bodies physically. This isn't rocket science. It's Weight Management 101.

Perhaps it's my age (46), but I have reached the point where enough is enough. I am bringing my weight under control and keeping it there. My "bottom" was 239 lbs. I was (and still am, technically) obese. Are you at your bottom? Stop the insanity, stop the cheating and relapsing, and start leading a happy, healthy life. Follow the Optifast instructions, see a doctor regularly, and move forward. You know you can do this -- if you truly want to. Make it happen. Today!  

The Final Push, Part II

As I continue to reflect on this last leg of my full fast program, I find myself tonight feeling very nervous about maintenance. Reaching my goal weight means I will be looking at maintenance squarely in the face, and although the clinic will have me well-prepared to navigate through it, I know it will be challenging for awhile. Old habits die hard -- gone must be my former eating routine of no breakfast, no lunch, no snack and just gorging at night with a huge dinner portion and grazing for the rest of the evening. That must be replaced with healthy, balanced meals eaten throughout the day. Can I do this? Will I fail and revert back to what I know? Will I get complacent, lazy and cave?

I think what's going on here is I am going to actually miss the full fast Phase 1. It couldn't be easier! There's so much safety in it. No thinking is required. Sure, willpower comes into play, and dedication and commitment, but I've dug deep and found that. It's second nature now. I like my shakes and soups and I'm afraid to give them up. In short, I'm happy with the way things are going right now. I don't want anything to change.

So in a way, I'm actually clinging to these final months, fearful of them slipping away, wanting to treasure every day I'm on product. I never thought I would say something like this. There's some humor in that, I guess, but maybe the darker kind. I have just always been someone who doesn't like change. And here it is, and I must deal with it. Just acknowledging that I have a fear of change is a good thing. Acceptance is half the battle. And I think I'm in a good place because I know it's coming soon (relatively speaking) and I've got the clinic educating me with tips for handling it.

I think I really need to work on embracing my "letting go" philosophy in these months to come. Letting go off my fears. Letting go of bad habits. Letting go of the anxiety that comes from jumping into future thinking. Just live in the "now" and where I am today: On product, still losing weight, getting compliments galore, feeling great. That's the best thing to do. Onward we go!  

The Final Push, Part I

Had a talk with the dietitian today about this last stretch on my Optifast product journey (Phase I). Although I only have 26 lbs. to lose, my weekly loss rate may very well slide from the average of 2.2 lbs. a week to something lower. Now, my brother has already prepared me for this, so I am not completely surprised or disillusioned. On the contrary, I know this is the time for me to start digging very deep for patience. Otherwise I could easily go nuts!

What certainly helps is knowing I have the rock-solid commitment to continue on the program until I reach my goal. There will be no stopping beforehand. I have come too far to toss in the towel and say, "Hey, I lost 54 lbs. and that's enough." No, I must keep going to get out of the obese range -- once I hit the 170s -- and then take it the next step to move from the "overweight" range into the "healthy" range (160s). I do not know how long this will take. Will I be at goal in December? January? I am not sure. But push ahead I will.

Honestly, I'm a little worried right now about eating "real" food regularly. Having my Optifast products is so much easier. No decisions need to be made. Preparation is a snap. All my nutritional requirements are met. Everything is consumed on schedule. In short, not a lot of thinking is required! This will all change once real food is reintroduced. Am I ready? Certainly not today. I'm glad I have more time to mentally prepare for this. I need it.

So, in essence, I'm not in a rush right now. Yes, I'm going to hunker down for the final leg of Phase One of my journey. But as always, I'll keep going day by day, staying in the present, watching my weight go down at its own pace. This is going to take time, but it's all going to be worth it in the end. As Winston Churchill said: "Never give up! Never give up! Never give up!" Great words to live by!

Filling Up Your Leisure Time

(Article courtesy of my clinic, Central Ohio Nutrition Center, Inc.)

How do you spend your leisure time? You might not think that your leisure time is connected to your weight, but too much unstructured time can lead to overeating due to boredom or lack of stimulation. Therefore, it is important to examine your leisure time and how you fill it. What you choose to do in your leisure time should be fun and pleasurable and enhance your quality of life. (It may also increase your energy expenditure!)

Some people find that structuring their leisure time can be helpful. They may take a yoga class or a class at the art museum. Having structure with their leisure keeps them busy doing meaningful activities and may help keep their mind off of food and eating. It may involve learning a new skill which can give a lot of satisfaction. Sports, aquatics, playing a musical instrument, doing arts and crafts, dancing, participating in drama, walking your dog, and hobbies are just some of the things that can be done in leisure time. Although many of us enjoy the television and computer, it may be important to structure our leisure time to increase our physical and mental activities.

For some people, the social aspect of the recreation is important, as it can encourage you to stick with an activity when you might otherwise give up. For others taking part in an activity on your own is pleasurable, and might even be part of the appeal. The important thing is to develop outlets and leisure activities other than eating or going out to eat. Your leisure time can give you gratification, enjoyment, and improve your physical and mental health!

Listening To Our "Inner Voice"

(Article courtesy of my clinic, Central Ohio Nutrition Center, Inc.)

What was the goal that you first set for yourself when you decided to lose weight? Were you inspired to make a change due to health concerns, or was there a personal situation that prompted you to want to make a change?

There are many benefits to keeping a journal during your weight loss process, but the weeks when you are preparing and just getting started with your weight loss plan are by far some of the best times to log your thoughts, worries and accomplishments. The voice of who you are at the beginning of this journey can be a helpful hand as you progress forward in your program, even if you find yourself to be a very different person by the end.

When you are trying to lose weight it is easy to get caught up in the noise and false promises for fast weight loss, and amidst all of these promises many people become discouraged and lose touch with their inner voice. Once you lose sight of yourself it is a short trip to losing sight of what you want and how badly you want it. To truly improve your health you need to focus on what is best for your mind, body and spirit. Increasing your self-awareness can improve your confidence, help you to de-stress and allow you to stay in touch with what truly matters to you.

Deciphering Inner Truths

Most of us have a few different voices sounding off inside our heads. There is the inner critic, who thinks that everything you do could be better, then there is the perpetual optimist who thinks your plan to dig a deep hole and sit in it until hardships pass overhead is actually a good idea. Many of us also have an inner pragmatist, pessimist and a fear-mongering, panic-stricken voice. Somewhere beneath these competing voices is your inner voice, screaming for you to stop listening to all of the external noise and do what you know is best.

These competing inner voices are never at greater odds than during the diet and weight management process. Discouragement is the first step towards breaking down barriers and letting bad habits slip in. A little bit of negativity tears through your willingness to resist dessert, breaks apart your motivation to get up and work out and questions your dedication to your weight loss program altogether.

These are thoughts that just about everyone who tries losing weight is bound to encounter. The scale might not budge much over the course of a week and you might begin questioning if the stress of losing weight is worth it, or if your medical weight loss program is working at all. After a bad day at work you might want to indulge in an old favorite comfort food, and you may even hear a voice inside your head making excuses for your behavior.

As you progress in your weight loss program, decipher which inner voices you plan on listening to and which ones aren’t doing you any good. Find yourself among those inner voices and stay in tune with what you want. Being conscious of who you are and what you want is one component of living a happy and healthy lifestyle.

Welcome Fall!

Fall is in the air, signaling that we are coming to the close of a brutal summer here in Ohio. I couldn't be happier. Actually, I'm happy about a lot of things lately, most importantly over my realization today that I am slightly over 2/3 of the way to my goal! In a way, this sneaked up on me. Time does seem to have flown by and I can scarcely believe that I have been on the Optifast products for almost six months.To someone just starting out on the program, this might sound like an eternity. But honestly, the months have melted together and I find myself here, wondering where all the time went.

For me, having my products every day has become a very comfortable routine. I like them, and I guess that has helped immensely with my compliance record. I have also never taken my eyes off the prize: my goal weight of 160 lbs. I will keep working towards that shake by shake, inch by inch, pound by pound. I just decided that I would stick to the program guidelines, soak up the information from the clinic, build a "support network" of family and friends -- far and wide -- and employ patience, acceptance, gratitude and the "day by day" mentality to complete this initial phase of my weight loss journey. It's worked for me. And it can work for you too.

My husband gave me a huge hug last night, telling me how proud he was of me, how beautiful I looked, how in awe he was of my strength to do this program. It was a big bear hug and it felt so good. I cooked a special pot roast for him tonight to show how much I love him and was delighted that I felt no urge whatsoever to eat it. I am content to watch him enjoy it, knowing that I am on my own special journey when it comes to food and weight. The pot roast is not for me now. But I can still give happiness to others who have no issues with weight.

I'm not sure when I will reach goal as my weekly losses fluctuate so. I have 28 lbs. left to lose, which probably means I'll be close in December. My brother was so right when he said to expect at least 8 months to get the weight off. A wise one, he is! I remember thinking how I could never make it that long on Optifast products. Boy, was I wrong. I'm succeeding, I feel great, and I'm prepared to finish this part out. This has been quite a journey, it's not over yet, and I'm positive struggles will crop up. But I'm strong, I'm committed, and I can see the finish line. Which is wonderful!

Doing It On Your Own: More Thoughts

Woke up this morning thinking about my post yesterday, and thought I should expand a bit on my thinking as it pertains to going solo on the Optifast program. I want to underscore that my post was not directed to those currently on Optifast VLCD -- rather those who are making Optifast product purchases through ebay and Amazon, with no direction on how to use the products and in most cases no medical oversight whatsoever. I want to clarify that these are only my views, and I am one who strongly believes in doctors and doing things by "the book" versus the Internet. Keep in mind my age -- I'm 46 -- as that has a lot to do with this.

Seriously, I know the frustration many must feel knowing that they cannot afford or cannot obtain through local or proper channels this supposed "miracle" product that guarantees significant weight loss in a relatively short period of time. It sounds like a dream come true -- the chance to undo years of pain, embarrassment and frustration simply by drinking some shakes and soups, and eating some bars for a few months. The pictures of the results people have from doing the program are almost unbelievable, and certainly make us cry out, "I want that too!" All I need to do is get my hands on that stuff and I can look like that too, we reason, and then set about making that happen.

I cannot stress to you enough that my negative views on Optifast product purchases through ebay and Amazon are only driven by three things: First and foremost, a deep concern for your health and well-being. Second, a concern that you will be wasting a significant amount of money on something that will not work because you don't know how to use it properly. And third, it's very well-documented that the vast majority of people who do liquid diets gain their weight -- and then some -- right back when they stop the diet. Without access to a support group and/or a nutritionist or dietitian when you go into maintenance, you are facing some very strong odds of gaining everything back. And nobody wants that.

I know that many, many people will continue to buy Optifast as long as it is available on ebay and Amazon. Even if Optifast doesn't condone it, even if the products are expired, even if there are risks, even if the seller doesn't give one iota whether you get sick or not. I also know that the desire to be thin drives many of us to go to extremes to make that happen, at whatever cost. Obese people can and have been judged harshly in society, treated as "less-than," ridiculed, and not taken seriously. The pain we carry inside is reflected on the outside. There for everyone to see. It's horrible. And we want it to stop. Optifast will save us, we think. Make us "normal." Like everyone else. Happy. Free.

Believe me, I know how fortunate I am to live in a city with clinics that offer the Optifast program and to have the resources to afford the program. And my heart aches for those who do not. I also know that it's highly unlikely I will sway the decision of someone currently ordering, or about to order, the Optifast products through ebay or Amazon. That choice is up to you. I just felt compelled to share my thoughts on the matter. I will try to pipe down on the topic from this point forward. As we say in our family, "Enough said."

Doing It On Your Own: Some Strong Words Of Caution

Buyer beware!

As you've heard, Optifast is an expensive program. In the United States, the products are to only be distributed through approved clinics, which require lab work and doctor visits, in addition to the product purchases. In short, the costs add up. Now, with the Australian Optifast Very Low Calorie Diet (VLCD), the products are a little cheaper and are obtained at a pharmacy. Doctor visits are not required. They are strongly encouraged, however, as the Optifast products affect your body chemistry and several concerning side effects can occur. Importantly, the Australian Optifast VLCD products come with directions for use. So you are not "flying blind" if you obtain your products from this country.

But sadly, two options have arisen for individuals who choose not to follow these two product distribution routes. Although not condoned by Optifast, their products can be obtained through ebay and Amazon. I do not know how this is legal, but I do know people are getting them. No directions are included. No program structure is provided. Basically, a bunch of boxes show up at your doorstep. Risky? In my strong opinion, heck yes!

Optifast is not like Slimfast or other dietary products available at the grocery store. It greatly reduces your calorie intake and as I mentioned, can dramatically impact your physical health. Potassium and sodium levels can be affected. Gallbladder sludge can form. Your blood pressure may be affected, cramping can result, dehydration could be an issue. These are serious concerns that must be taken into consideration. We must also not forget that in the past, people have died from liquid diets. This is serious business.

Now, you might be thinking, "It's no big deal. I'll just go into a chatroom on the Internet and get the answers to all of my medical questions." Let's think about this for a minute. What kind of people are in these chatrooms? Medical professionals? Of course not. Conflicting information can abound. This is not to say I don't advocate utilizing places like the Optifast Chat Support group on Facebook for connecting with people also doing the program. But to go there and ask for medical guidance is pointless. You should be in the hands of a professional.

If all you have is a bunch of boxes and no guidelines, how in the heck are you going to know if you are using them correctly and weight loss will occur? Optifast is not something to "stop and start" at will. It won't work if you approach it this way, and you will end up wasting your money. If you side-step the financial outlay at a clinic by going to ebay and Amazon, you could very well end up wasting the money you thought you could save. So if money is an issue for you, keep this in mind.

Yes, we all want to lose weight, and when we hear that there are products out there that can guarantee weight loss in a relatively short period of time, that is most appealing. It's almost irresistible. But blindly starting the Optifast program without medical oversight or, at the very least, program-approved guidance is in my opinion foolhardy and unwise. You are opening a Pandora's Box of possible trouble and placing yourself at risk. Is it worth it? Do you have to lose weight at this cost? Winging it on your own is nothing but trouble. Do you really want to court that?

I strongly encourage those considering buying Optifast products through Amazon or ebay to think this through completely. Personally, I would never do it. My health -- my life -- is too precious to put in possible danger. No matter how I might ultimately look. What you decide is ultimately up to you. But in my view, this is definitely a situation of buyer beware.

Picture This!

Well, wouldn't you know I did have a chance to have my photo taken today! Went to the clinic for my weigh-in and was thrilled to see a 4.5 lb. loss. I have now shed 52 lbs., and at this juncture a second photo is taken and new measurements are calculated. So I am throwing caution to the wind and posting this new picture for you to see.

I must say I am actually pleased with it! My shorts are very baggy, so I'm smaller on the bottom than it appears. That's a genuine smile on my face. I've reached a milestone and I couldn't be happier. Took me 5 1/2 months to get here, but what the heck. I've arrived! Several friends congratulated me -- they've been with me on my long journey and know it's been bumpy and slow-going. But I've hung in there and as I always say: If I can do this you can too!

After we took my picture, the measurements were done. The results were so eye-opening. Here they are:

START:            TODAY:
Neck: 15"           Neck: 12.5"
Chest: 45"           Chest: 40"
Waist: 44"           Waist: 36"
Hips: 53"             Hips: 44.5"
Right Thigh: 30"   Thigh: 25.5"
Wrist: 6.5"           Wrist: 6"

It's days like today that make my whole roller coaster journey worthwhile. In addition to my measurements, I have dropped from a size 22 to a size 14W. And I'm still going down. To those just starting the program, or considering doing the program, you will see results like these too! Stick with it and take it one day at a time. It's so worth it. My plan has been so simple: follow what the clinic tells me. And it's worked. Thanks to my family and all my Optifast friends across the globe for your love and support. Wouldn't have made it this far without you!

 

Saying It With Words, Not Pictures

Some might wonder why I have only two pictures of myself on this blog to date. They are buried back in a post many weeks back. Seriously, this is mostly due to my technical ineptitude -- I do not know how to take photos with my cell phone, much less post them to this site. I am in the dark ages as far as utilizing technology. Now, I do have a friend at work who can take photos of me and then email them in an attachment. I can take it from there. I will talk to her this week about shooting a few for everyone to see.

But I do need to get honest here. For so very long, I have forbidden anyone from taking my photo. I am highly critical of myself. My response to any photo of me taken in the past ten years has been to cringe, thinking, "That can't be me. But yes, it is me. I hate that person."  There are some deep issues going on and I have been reluctant to address them. Yes, my weight gain troubles began with the thyroid disease cropping up eleven years ago, but I added to them with overeating driven by emotional issues. Dropping pounds on a scale doesn't automatically make these issues go away. They remain. And will fester unless I do something about them.

Identifying these issues and honestly addressing them is the key, I believe, to getting a grip on my eating behavior. In my case, I have sought out talk therapy recently to discuss my low self-esteem and fear-based response to physical challenges in my life. We do not discuss Optifast, the changes in my appearance, my successes and struggles with the program. That is my choice -- I never brought it up because I can address those matters at the clinic. Instead, we explore my need to make everyone else happy, at the expense of myself. We talk about how I tend to focus on taking care of others, letting my own well-being suffer. We are also focusing on my tendency to isolate myself from others. Not because of the Optifasting, rather a fear that people will "see through me" and judge me for my shortcomings.

I am walking, at times, a painful path, but I can see I am growing emotionally and spiritually. I strongly encourage everyone on Optifast who has found they eat for "comfort" to seek out therapy, in some form. It would be a shame to lose all of your weight, only to put it all back on because the emotional factors driving your overeating in the first place were not addressed. No, talk therapy is not easy. But the benefits far outweigh the pain you might uncover.

I am emerging as a happier person. I still have a long way to go, but I'm glad I started. It's a process you might consider. I strongly recommend it.  

Fear And Frustration

Still unsettled from the craving yesterday. I guess what's throwing me a bit is, for the past five months, I only had cravings twice. That's it. And recently I have had two cravings in one week. Quite an expedited situation. I'm struggling right now, leaning towards blaming myself for some perceived "shortcoming" in my attitude, my commitment to the program. I know this is crazy thinking, and I need to just stop being so hard on myself. I need to relax, understand that the cravings are normal, and realize I know how to handle them successfully. This is a no-brainer. So why do I make things so complex? Why do I remain in this state of turmoil?

Part of what's going on, I think, is I really fear the cravings because I may fold and eat something bad -- and that would hinder my weight loss which has been so achingly slow. Watching my weight drop in only 2 lb. weekly increments -- with some weigh-ins registering a zero loss or a slight gain -- has been terribly difficult to accept. I have though, but it's been a real fight. Yes, I do try to have a positive outlook on things, but sometimes, like now, I just want to throw my arms up in the air and scream, "You know, this is hard! It's frustrating! I can't stand it! It's not fair!"

I guess it could be seen as a small miracle that I have held on as long as I have. The emotional ups and downs have been challenging; my scale issues have tested my self-esteem; knowing I am not reaching goal as soon as others is anxiety-producing. Yet I keep going, day in and day out, staying compliant. Honestly, I have to dig deep sometimes, and as you may recall, there was a time a few weeks back when I brought up the possibility of quitting. Obviously, I haven't. I keep chugging along. But it's tough. Especially right now.

I'm glad I have this blog to write out my feelings, because I need a place to vent my frustrations with the program. More specifically, my frustration with the way my body is responding to the program. I think I am angry with my body, the thyroid disorder, the poor metabolism. I didn't ask for it, but I've got it. I rarely allow myself to express anger -- not sure why -- and it probably serves no purpose here. But that's how I feel today. Time for a deep breath. Close my eyes and re-focus. Everything is going to be okay.

I'll keep moving forward. I can overcome my obstacles. It's okay to be frustrated. It's okay to be afraid. I have roughly 30 more pounds to lose and I'll get there. I know it. Patience, Melissa. Serenity. Acceptance. I know I am growing and will come out on the other end a better, stronger person. Great wisdom comes from a long journey. That is a precious gift being handed to me. I am grateful for it.

Perhaps the peace I seek will come from this gratitude. Yes, I think that's probably true. I will work to embrace an "attitude of gratitude." This will give me strength to continue to my goal and beyond. I feel better now. What a relief.