On Obsessions And What Not

You again?

Good morning all! For the past few days, I have been pondering my current "need" to have my morning weigh-in come in between 155 lbs. - 158 lbs. This is a fairly tight range -- but one I am able to reside in if I watch my calories like a hawk and do my streaking every day. Knowing what to do, and having success doing it, has lead to my thinking that "I must do it." Which then leads to obsessive behavior. Which I am illustrating. 

Now, is this a bad thing? Maybe, maybe not. If left to my own devices, I'll eat every fattening thing in sight. I need strong controls to keep myself in check. That may not be something required for you, but I know my past eating habits -- when I taste something I really like, I'm going to eat it until it's all gone. At break-neck speed. Keeping very tight reins on what I eat and weighing in religiously gives me control over this situation. Which I certainly need to maintain my weight.

But am I happy with this new obsessiveness? Well, in some ways, yes I am. The structure a simplified eating program gives me is certainly welcome. My food choices are not broad at all -- heck, you know I eat the same things every day, with the exception of dinner. It's downright easy; it doesn't require much thinking. And my weight holds steady. Which keeps me relaxed.

But -- and this is a big "but" -- I have found that this obsessiveness has opened the door to some bingeing, and that I do not like. My experience has included attacking peanut butter jars, croissants, and pizza. Did I gain "real" weight? No. But it's how I felt after the episode. Like crud. Physically, but more importantly, emotionally. I did not know this "bingeing creature" before I lost my weight. But it's quite clear to me that obsessiveness over your eating opens the door widely for out of control eating to step right in and make itself at home.

This concerns me greatly, but I'm going to go with my very strong belief that identifying the problem, acknowledging the problem is half the battle. Now my next steps will be to bring it under control through a variety of measures, which will include branching out a little bit in what I eat every day, and doing things like splitting a croissant with my husband on special occasions, or occasionally ordering a pizza from a special place in my neighborhood that has a very thin crust and doesn't overload it with fattening items.

I also met with Kathy at the clinic yesterday, and she gave me two recipes for a.) making a pancake with oatmeal and Egg Beaters and b.) making a low-cal coffee "frappachino."  There are options for me. I just need to branch out and find them. So I guess I'm sorta fumbling along, but this is a lifestyle change, a lifelong learning experience. I am doing well. I'll try not to forget that.