Loosening Up

In the 1980s, a popular band, .38 Special, put out a very famous song about male and female relationships. The name: "Hold On Loosely." Here are some lyrics to the song:

Hold on loosely,
But don't let go.
If you cling too tightly,
You're gonna lose control.

I've been thinking about this song recently, not in the context of human relationships, but rather my relationship with food right now. I'm clinging pretty tightly to my very restrictive eating routine all week, but when the weekend rolls around, on a few occasions, I have gobbled up all the food I can find, all throughout Saturday night. Complete reversal of my established routine. And the food I have eaten, in these instances, has not necessarily been low-calorie. Oh, quite the contrary. Out of respect for the Optifasters reading this, I won't list the food. Just know it is the type of food that contributed to my obesity.

So far my weight has remained steady and I am very comfortable, and now that I am up to walking 2 miles every day, I'm sure that contributes to this stability. But you know me -- I can be a nervous, anxious "wreck" sometimes, and that specter of gaining all my weight back hovers over me from time to time, like a dark cloud. In my opinion, when you carve off 80+ lbs. it's kinda hard not to be afraid of gaining it back. This is a massive change, and for me it happened in less than a year. I'm changed now, in good ways, but also in ways (i.e. I'm fearful) that make me uncomfortable too.

This is why I want to be strict. In other words, cling too tightly.

I think .38 Special was on to something I need to explore. Loosening up. As they say, not letting go -- not abandoning any type of healthy eating plan -- just easing up on things so I don't go haywire from time to time. Because of course when I "lose control" I feel guilt and remorse afterwards. And I certainly don't like that. I panic, get dramatic, and wail to my husband. I don't want to do this anymore.

I'm going to ask Millie and Kathy at the clinic for some tips on some slight adjustments I could make to my diet to "loosen up" the guidelines. Nothing dramatic, perhaps just a few special things I'm not thinking about/don't know about that I can incorporate into my eating plan. I also just need a little reassurance that everything is indeed AOK. If there's one thing I'm really happy about, it's that I'm not afraid to ask for help. Particularly now that I am in these initial months of maintenance. You shouldn't be afraid to ask for help either. The clinic does want to see us succeed.

So I will report on my "loosening" progress, as I continue on the maintenance leg of my journey. Imperfect progress. And that's just fine with me.