Wild West Adventure 2013: Let The Planning Begin!

The gorgeous Pacific Coast Highway

Good morning all! Well, I'm having a heck of a good time planning our two-week trip out to California this summer. I'm mapping out our itinerary and making hotel/motel/cabin reservations (which I love to do) and lining up airfare and a rental car (do I go with an intermediate SUV or really let lose and get a convertible?). I'm excited and can't wait to go!

Basically, we will be gone from July 19 - August 4. We fly out of Columbus to Las Vegas, where my niece is getting married on July 20. Then we hop into a rental car and start our journey to California. We will be hiking in Sequoia and Kings Canyon National Parks for a week, and then instead of continuing up to Yosemite National Park, we will head west to Monterey on the Pacific coast and then drive down the gorgeous Pacific Coast Highway to Los Angeles, stopping at breathtaking points along the way. One stop is Big Sur, with awesome hiking opportunities and places for long walks on beaches with sand dollars and other "gifts from the sea" on the shore. My husband loves the woods, I love the ocean, so this couldn't be a more perfect place for us! We will fly back to Columbus from L.A.

I was thinking this morning that there is no way in God's Green Earth I would be physically able to do this wild, wonderful excursion carrying that extra 80 lbs. of weight. Just forget about it. My back was screaming in pain, I waddled around, hating to move, and all I would be focused on would be the food, not the hiking and getting out to enjoy all the beauty Mother Nature offers us. This trip wouldn't be an option for us. But look at me today! I feel fit and fabulous. I can't wait to lace up my hiking shoes and get out amongst the redwoods. The window of opportunity is wide open for me. Thank you Optifast for making this trip a reality!

Travel scale

As far as managing my weight while I am on vacation, Millie is giving me tips. The first one was get a travel scale -- they sell light-weight ones you can carry on the plane for $19.99 at Amazon.com. Mine arrived yesterday and it is a funky red/orange color. You know I'm sensitive about scales, but I also know I am going to be panicked about weight gain if I don't have one. So now I do. I am also packing Fiber One "Snack Attack Packs" (sweet and salty -- recipe in "The iDiet" book) and bringing flax seed muffins I make. I'm going to watch what I eat but allow for some nice dinners out occasionally. I know I'll gain some pounds, but all the physical activity is going to curb some of that, I'm hoping.

So I'm in a wonderful mood right now. Oh -- I've been watching what I eat this week, and doing my 2-mile streaking, and my weight has settled back to my comfort level. So I have recovered from Memorial Day weekend beautifully. I am going to continue to watch things closely all the way up to our departure. I want to go into this on the lower end of my "weight comfort zone." I'll keep you updated on my progress!

Happy Friday all and have a wonderful weekend!

On Obsessions And What Not

You again?

Good morning all! For the past few days, I have been pondering my current "need" to have my morning weigh-in come in between 155 lbs. - 158 lbs. This is a fairly tight range -- but one I am able to reside in if I watch my calories like a hawk and do my streaking every day. Knowing what to do, and having success doing it, has lead to my thinking that "I must do it." Which then leads to obsessive behavior. Which I am illustrating. 

Now, is this a bad thing? Maybe, maybe not. If left to my own devices, I'll eat every fattening thing in sight. I need strong controls to keep myself in check. That may not be something required for you, but I know my past eating habits -- when I taste something I really like, I'm going to eat it until it's all gone. At break-neck speed. Keeping very tight reins on what I eat and weighing in religiously gives me control over this situation. Which I certainly need to maintain my weight.

But am I happy with this new obsessiveness? Well, in some ways, yes I am. The structure a simplified eating program gives me is certainly welcome. My food choices are not broad at all -- heck, you know I eat the same things every day, with the exception of dinner. It's downright easy; it doesn't require much thinking. And my weight holds steady. Which keeps me relaxed.

But -- and this is a big "but" -- I have found that this obsessiveness has opened the door to some bingeing, and that I do not like. My experience has included attacking peanut butter jars, croissants, and pizza. Did I gain "real" weight? No. But it's how I felt after the episode. Like crud. Physically, but more importantly, emotionally. I did not know this "bingeing creature" before I lost my weight. But it's quite clear to me that obsessiveness over your eating opens the door widely for out of control eating to step right in and make itself at home.

This concerns me greatly, but I'm going to go with my very strong belief that identifying the problem, acknowledging the problem is half the battle. Now my next steps will be to bring it under control through a variety of measures, which will include branching out a little bit in what I eat every day, and doing things like splitting a croissant with my husband on special occasions, or occasionally ordering a pizza from a special place in my neighborhood that has a very thin crust and doesn't overload it with fattening items.

I also met with Kathy at the clinic yesterday, and she gave me two recipes for a.) making a pancake with oatmeal and Egg Beaters and b.) making a low-cal coffee "frappachino."  There are options for me. I just need to branch out and find them. So I guess I'm sorta fumbling along, but this is a lifestyle change, a lifelong learning experience. I am doing well. I'll try not to forget that.

"Damage" Control

The culprit: SALT

Good evening all. It is Monday evening, signaling the end of Memorial Day weekend. I enjoyed myself these past days -- maybe just a little too much. Although I did my 2 mile walking every day and kept to my healthy eating routine for breakfast and lunch, I did not fold in my snacks, in anticipation of really letting loose at dinner. I've been told not to do this, and that it would likely lead to overindulgence. And folks, it did.

I had big dinners and some desserts and the inevitable happened: Last night I weighed in at 163 -- I haven't seen a number that high since my New York trip in February. It had dropped down to 159 lbs. by this morning, but the emotional impact from the scale was already set. I panicked -- I am still panicked -- and I suddenly realize that my anxiety over gaining my weight back hasn't gone anywhere. It was just laying dormant. I had hoped to be free of it, but alas, that is not the case.

But I will not let this immobilize me. I am going to try to pull myself out of this.

As I said in my last post, extra sodium makes my body retain water. I have seen from my weight chart over time that I am very sensitive to salt. It takes about 3-5 days for my body to shed the water weight, that is if I stay on my healthy eating routine. I also know, deep down, that there is no way I ate enough to pack on real pounds this weekend. I would have to be eating in excess of 3,000 calories a day -- and that was not the case. By Friday I will be stabilized and feeling much, much better. I can handle this.

But I really need to remind myself that it's back on my normal eating plan tomorrow. Back to my oatmeal; turkey and swiss pita sandwich, cottage cheese and V8; apple and cheese stick; protein + veggie/grain side dish; and Fiber One/yogurt/berries/almonds/dark chocolate "treat." It's repetitive, you might think it's boring (I don't), but it keeps me in check and comfortable. My daily 2-mile "streak" is a necessity -- but I actually look forward to it. This "plan" keeps me comfortable and relaxed. This plan brings my weight back to the healthy range where I want to be.

I also have my weigh-in at the clinic on Wednesday. Part of me is dreading it but part of me wants to see where I stand -- to have it down "on paper" in my file. Last week I came in at 157 lbs. but this week it will be higher. And I will not fall apart. This is maintenance 101, I am learning. Slowly, step by step, I am getting a handle on things. And I'm proud of myself. The holiday weekend is over. Forward I now go!

On Guard: The Pork Belly Problem

Good morning! My apologies for my sporadic posts this month -- May is a busy time for me at work and at home. Work events, gardening, and other activities keep me very busy. I am planning our big trip out to California in July. So I've been a little pinched for time. But now we have Memorial Day weekend and I can breathe a little bit more!

Oh yes. Memorial Day weekend. Let's see ... what does that traditionally mean? Picnics and dinners out and fatty food staring me in the face. Oh joy. Last year, I was on Optifast product for the three "decadent" summer picnicking events in the United States: Memorial Day, Fourth of July and Labor Day, and I was successfully compliant. But this year, I'm now at goal and in maintenance. This year, I must navigate these traditional eating overloads. This year, I must be "on guard." And this is a first for me.

I entered this weekend at a low for me, 155 lbs., which wasn't a call for celebration. Oh no, this was a "green light," to start in on the eating, which began yesterday (Friday). It was also my birthday, so out my husband and I went to one of the best restaurants in Columbus. The first thing my eyes targeted on the menu was a pork belly appetizer. To many, that might sound very unappealing, but to me, that is something I have never had, and I wanted it. Plain and simple. Now pork belly is almost straight fat -- and I have absolutely no problem with that. Supposedly it melts in your mouth and I could almost taste it in mine. But I knew if I ate it, it would just be a transfer from the pig's belly straight to my mine.

So I did something I never thought I was capable of: I passed on it. I said "No."

Now, don't get me wrong. I did indulge in other things. But what we did was split several small plates between the two of us, so I got "tastes" of the gourmet food. We made sure one was a salad, and I included a cup of soup that had legumes and Swiss chard. I didn't want to gobble up everything myself, because then my husband wouldn't get anything. And when the dessert menu came, I looked at everything, and nothing really appealed to me. So I said, "Honey, let's skip it." Folks, I have never, ever done this before.

I weighed in this morning at 157 lbs., but I have learned that this is from the salt intake from the dinner last night. They use quite a bit of salt (what good chef doesn't?) and I've been charting my weight cycle over these four months of maintenance, so I know what to expect. So I'm not freaking out. Can you believe it? I sure can't! I'm actually relaxed right now. The sun's out, though the temperature has dipped down to the low 60s. Which, actually, is great weather for walking, so I will do my 2 mile "streaking" this afternoon in comfort.

But all this does not mean I have relaxed my "guard." I woke up this morning craving a big stack of pancakes with a ton of butter, soaked in maple syrup -- but I had my oatmeal instead, and threw in a few pecans and a 1/2 a banana and a little bit of maple syrup. That did the trick. I am learning. I am learning! Listen, if I can do this, you can too! You know I love food -- the good stuff, the fattening stuff -- but we can manage this and successfully maintain. It takes some focus, and getting a little creative when cravings hit, and in some cases just flat out saying, "No!" We can manage this. You can manage this. I promise.

For all those Optifasting through this holiday, know that I am thinking about you, cheering you on this weekend. Come on over to the Facebook Optifast Chat Support page if you need support. I'll be there. Remember this weekend is about relaxing with family and friends. That's what it's truly about. Not pork bellies. Have a wonderful weekend. Cheers!

Loosening Up

In the 1980s, a popular band, .38 Special, put out a very famous song about male and female relationships. The name: "Hold On Loosely." Here are some lyrics to the song:

Hold on loosely,
But don't let go.
If you cling too tightly,
You're gonna lose control.

I've been thinking about this song recently, not in the context of human relationships, but rather my relationship with food right now. I'm clinging pretty tightly to my very restrictive eating routine all week, but when the weekend rolls around, on a few occasions, I have gobbled up all the food I can find, all throughout Saturday night. Complete reversal of my established routine. And the food I have eaten, in these instances, has not necessarily been low-calorie. Oh, quite the contrary. Out of respect for the Optifasters reading this, I won't list the food. Just know it is the type of food that contributed to my obesity.

So far my weight has remained steady and I am very comfortable, and now that I am up to walking 2 miles every day, I'm sure that contributes to this stability. But you know me -- I can be a nervous, anxious "wreck" sometimes, and that specter of gaining all my weight back hovers over me from time to time, like a dark cloud. In my opinion, when you carve off 80+ lbs. it's kinda hard not to be afraid of gaining it back. This is a massive change, and for me it happened in less than a year. I'm changed now, in good ways, but also in ways (i.e. I'm fearful) that make me uncomfortable too.

This is why I want to be strict. In other words, cling too tightly.

I think .38 Special was on to something I need to explore. Loosening up. As they say, not letting go -- not abandoning any type of healthy eating plan -- just easing up on things so I don't go haywire from time to time. Because of course when I "lose control" I feel guilt and remorse afterwards. And I certainly don't like that. I panic, get dramatic, and wail to my husband. I don't want to do this anymore.

I'm going to ask Millie and Kathy at the clinic for some tips on some slight adjustments I could make to my diet to "loosen up" the guidelines. Nothing dramatic, perhaps just a few special things I'm not thinking about/don't know about that I can incorporate into my eating plan. I also just need a little reassurance that everything is indeed AOK. If there's one thing I'm really happy about, it's that I'm not afraid to ask for help. Particularly now that I am in these initial months of maintenance. You shouldn't be afraid to ask for help either. The clinic does want to see us succeed.

So I will report on my "loosening" progress, as I continue on the maintenance leg of my journey. Imperfect progress. And that's just fine with me.

Keep On Keepin' On!

It's been a busy week for me -- heck, busy month -- and that explains my sporadic posts. I think I will have time to write every day, then something comes up and the next thing I know, it's time for bed. But I'm happy to report I'm doing just fine and my weight is under control. Which makes me feel wonderful.

There's really is no "secret" as to what I'm doing right now to maintain. It's simply just staying focused on making sure my "three legged stool" the clinic talks about is sturdy at all times. For those that haven't seen my posts about this, the maintenance "three legged stool" refers to the calorie counting/portion control leg; the exercise leg; and the emotional behavior leg. If I tend to all three each day, my weight stays pretty darn steady -- in fact, I just naturally swing between 156 lbs. - 160 lbs., actually spending the most time at the lower spectrum of this. (These are my morning weigh-in numbers, done at home.)

The calorie counting is easy for me for the most part, because I still eat very similar things for my breakfast, lunch and two snacks. Things get a little more challenging to calculate when it comes to dinner (because I am making my dishes myself, with some eyeballing), and I get frustrated, but I've eased up on this frantic need to get everything calculated perfectly. I know what to emphasize for dinner: Fish, chicken, and an occasional hamburger patty; and a mixed grain salad incorporating legumes (for fiber) and chopped veggies. So I'm doing quite well.

If I stick to this eating routine, I have found I am still able to go out for a "nice" dinner (you know how much I love good restaurants!) once a week, and even, if I want, have a brunchy type meal on Sundays. I don't have to give these things up, which I'm so, so happy about because they really do mean quite a lot to me.

I am thrilled with my daily "streaking" walks. I started at 1 mile, and I am already up to 1 3/4 miles at a fast clip. I am getting close to exceeding 2 miles every day. This lifts my spirits so much, because as you know, I really struggled with consistent, daily, uninterrupted exercise -- exercise that I really wanted to do -- the whole way through my Optifast fasting phase. I streak outside, around the park perimeter, and I actually don't use an iPod because I like to look at my surroundings and listen to the birds and the park fountains, and focus on all the beautiful flowers. I just don't think indoor treadmills and exercise bikes are for me. I need to be outside, at least right now.

I absolutely must give a huge "Thank you!" to our clinic Director, Kathy, who has kept me focused on the importance of exercise, and how physical exercise, although initially daunting to me, can actually be fun! She cheers me (and all the others) on every time we see her. And Kathy runs the monthly maintenance class, and does an excellent job. I really look forward to it. The class is a highlight in my month.

And on addressing the emotional issues that often accompany overeating, I continue to do my readings on bingeing behavior and emotional eating. Plus I am on my second go-around with the clinic classes, which include sessions focused on how to handle your emotional issues by not turning to food. I am finding that the books I have read so far tend to say that folks with bingeing problems should not go on a diet at all, as "restrictive" diets just lend themselves to eventual overeating. But I'm not sure if I agree with that if you need to turn to Optifast because you are obese/morbidly obese. If you do your reading on emotional eating while you are fasting; attend all of the classes the clinic offers; and get a good talk therapist, you can (in my opinion) complete the Optifast program and bring overeating under control. For good. So I approach my books cautiously, and don't take them as the "final word" on the issue. I encourage you to do the same.

So that's the update on me to date! Today brings weeding, streaking, dog-walking, and relaxing. Have a wonderful day everyone. Keep On Keepin' On!

Picture Time!

I went to the clinic this afternoon for class, and also to have some official "after" pictures taken. I had my hair styled by David, and then came home to find something to wear. I was very, very hesitant to wear anything "figure-hugging." I have hid behind baggy clothes for a very long time, and deviating from this to wear something that actually fits me correctly is -- believe it or not -- uncomfortable.

But I threw caution to the wind and selected a slinky top and some black pants that are somewhat presentable. Except if you look close and see the Basset Hound hairs sticking to my pant legs. But I don't think you can see that in this photo! Actually, this picture is not the one that will go into my file. Millie wanted a photo of me looking "sexy" so I tried my best to "strike a pose!"

My husband had promised to take me out to dinner, but when I got home and he saw me...well, let's just say we had to order in. Glad that I've still got it after all these years (wink, wink). We also took a picture of Millie and me. She has been such a support through my "journey." I wouldn't have made it to goal without her. Thank you Millie, from the bottom of my heart, for all that you do!

And finally, for me and for you, I want to share my "before picture." I am always pained when I look at it, because I was so very sad and had a lot of self-loathing when it was taken. I was scared. I was overwhelmed. But I want the contrast to be seen, so you will know how far I have come. Optifast works if you work it. Friends, I'm living proof. I am healthy and happy and "free." And I'll be waiting for you at the finish line, cheering you on the whole way! The woman to the right is gone now. And she's not coming back. I'm smiling today and "striking the pose." And it feels fabulous!

Rain Or Shine, I'm Making Time

Good afternoon all and Happy Mothers Day! Update on me: I have been diligently walking my mile around the park every day, and yesterday I did two miles because we went out to a special dinner later in the evening in celebration of my birthday later this month and Mothers Day. I stepped on the scale this morning and saw a tiny gain -- nothing to fret about -- and I am so, so happy.

We have had rain this past week, and the temperature has now dropped, but I simply grab an umbrella and don a sweater and do my lap around the park perimeter. I have noticed there are a few other people out as well, and suddenly I feel a "kinship" of sorts with them. Over the years, I would drive by the park and see many, many people out walking and running around the park, and I felt crummy that I wasn't doing the same. But now I have joined them and it feels great! I do sometimes feel a twinge of regret that I wasn't doing the daily "one mile streak" all the way through my Optifasting. But I'm not going to beat myself up. The past is over. Now I live in "today."

I did have a brief, little binge last week on some almond butter. It is very painful for me to talk about it right now, but I am reading my book "Runaway Eating" (the one written for middle-aged women), and watching a video Millie sent me, and that is helping. As soon as I am in a better, stronger place I will explore these isolated binges further. I know this phenomenon is plaguing many of my friends on the Facebook Optifast Support page as well. I am hoping the CONCI clinics can explore adding a psychologist on staff. Many, many people need help with emotional eating habits.

Okay, I'm off to "streak" then get my beloved iced coffee and do my grocery store shopping. Happy Mothers Day to everyone! Here's what I found for me today:

 

Exciting News!

The infamous Yoga Pants!

Thrilled to report that I met with Millie today and she told me the Central Ohio Nutrition Center Inc. (CONCI), which consists of the four Optifast clinics here, is going to profile me in their newsletter! It will be both in print form and online. I am truly humbled -- never did I expect this. I rushed home to tell my husband, who is so proud of me and everything I have accomplished. A picture needs to be taken next week, so I am making an appointment at the salon next Wednesday to have my hair styled. I'll wear one of my new outfits -- a dress perhaps? -- and use some make up to take things up a notch. I'm so excited!

I am hoping my trials and tribulations will serve to inspire others thinking about the Optifast program, just starting the program, and those working their way through it. I would be ecstatic if I help people make it through to goal!

Before I arrived to meet Millie, I completed my second day of walking one mile. Of course I wore my new yoga pants and New Balance shoes. What I'm doing is the "One Mile A Day Streak" that my friend Martha in Arizona told me her clinic advocates. It really is quite easy and I found myself walking at a quick pace. Faster than I expected. Then I remembered I have lost 80 lbs. and moving in general is easier than it has been for years. I walk the perimeter of the beautiful park in my neighborhood. Actually, I was thinking about walking around twice, but time was tight today.

I know now I need to plan my exercise in advance, and that's a good thing for me. I am setting aside 2:30 p.m. - 3:00 p.m. for my "streak" then I add even more walking when I come home to walk the Bassets. Knowing that I am committing to one mile every day -- a manageable distance -- keeps me motivated to streak. And the upcoming camping/hiking trip out West in July "seals the deal" for me. I'm excited and optimistic and enjoying life!

I cannot tell you what a difference a year makes. I am so, so glad I stayed true to the clinic's instructions when it came to the products; compliance; and after seven months, my weekly "special meal" guidelines. I'm grateful Kathy "brainwashed" me about the importance of exercise. I also attended all of Millie's classes; made clinic friends and connected with my Facebook OptiDivas and OptiDudes. And I worked through my emotional issues with my therapist and in this blog. All of this added up to success.

So tonight I celebrate -- with my Pellegrino and lemon wedge. Melissa, you've come a long way, baby. Cheers to you!

 

And Now, The Exercise!

New Goal: One Mile A Day

What's very interesting to me is now that my Optifast product phase is over, and I reached goal and now I am in maintenance, I am able to embrace an exercise program fully. I have begun walking one mile every day and I am beginning strength training. What's most important for me right now is not so much the exercise itself -- it's that I look forward to it, I can move now with ease, I want to do it. It's as if I could not muster the energy -- the focus -- to do both the exercising and fasting full-tilt. It took me quite a bit of concentration to stay almost completely compliant for 9 1/2 months, and I have always been someone who has a little bit of trouble "multi-tasking." By this I mean it's far easier for me to do one thing, finish it, then do the next task, finish it, and so on and so on. I've been this way for a long time.

Now, of course I incorporated walking throughout my journey, but I never liked it. I'll get honest here. I saw exercise as a burden, something I did not look forward to doing. There was no passion, no "drive" to burn off the calories. I would read about and hear about my fellow Optifasters getting off their butts and moving every day, and deep down I felt like a failure because I wasn't doing what they were. Sure, I reached goal just like they did, and I wasn't a complete slug. But I always felt like I should be doing more. That I would be extremely well-prepared for the maintenance phase that awaited me.

I want to say without hesitation that physical activity is an absolute necessity for weight maintenance. Without it, the likelihood of regaining your weight is a very, very strong possibility. It's probably guaranteed. I know this -- which is why I have been waiting, praying for my interest in exercise to kick in fully. As you know, I get very anxious at the thought of gaining back my weight, and without the "exercise leg" of my 3-legged stool, the thing is going to collapse. Which is why I am beyond thrilled that finally -- finally! -- the day has come when I actually want to "suit up" and get out there with everyone else!

It doesn't hurt that Spring has finally come to Columbus. The weather is nicer, things have warmed up, people are out and about exercising themselves. Plus I'm 80 lbs. lighter and that makes moving so much easier. I also have some cute "gear" I purchased and like wearing: yoga pants, exercise shorts, and my New Balance running/walking shoes. (Plus some crazy tie-dye running bras that no one will see!) And there is a very big motivator for me: my husband and I are going out West this summer for hiking in Yosemite National Park and I've got to be fit for that. Period.

If you are on product and exercising regularly I want to give two big thumbs up to you. This is so, so important, and you are positioning yourself wonderfully for a very smooth transition into your maintenance routine. For those struggling like I did, do not give up hope. The time has finally arrived for me, just as I had prayed. It took a long time. But it is here now. I will keep you updated on my progress. I am going to approach my one-mile walking quota just like I did the Optifasting: stay in the day, and look no further than that. Today I am walking my mile. That's all I am asking of myself. I look no further than that. So here's to the next leg of my "journey." One foot in front of the other -- literally!

Wonderful, Warm Weekend

A "Good Evening" to everyone! I normally don't write at night, but it's been a busy, sunny Saturday working in the garden and walking around the neighborhood. Then my husband and I had a delightful, healthy meal on the patio of a Middle Eastern restaurant and went to the movie theater afterwards. All in all in was a fabulous day!

My 70 lb. 3 year-old Basset, Legs, would love to be sleeping on my lap right now (he thinks he's a lap dog), but alas he has been relegated to a couch. Sweet 14 1/2 year-old Basset Nell is slumbering on her giraffe doggie bed. Hubby is engrossed in a hockey game on the television, so I'm free to write away.

I am pleased to report I am in a very good space vis a vis my eating/weight. I have not had any grazing and my meals have been healthy and tasty. I'm allowing myself some bigger portions for weekend dinners, but making wise choices. Subsequently, my weight is holding steady at around 157 lbs., which is where I am very, very comfortable. No big swings like I have had in weekends past. I am also continuing to read my books from the library on emotional eating. I'm planning on going back to the library some evening next week to continue browsing the stacks. Now, at some point, I'll get back to reading some fiction -- steamy romance perhaps? (wink, wink) -- but for now I'm just exploring what's out there regarding weight/food issues.

Tomorrow will bring more garden work and baking another round of the "iDiet" German Rolls. They are packed with fiber and I love them. I have one every day. I replied to an iDiet Facebook post that I was looking for some more iDiet rolls/breads recipes and mixed grain salad recipes. I purchased a small amount of some different grain salads made at a local store, Whole Foods, and they tasted like cardboard. I'm looking for something more palatable!

If there is time leftover, I need to begin packing away my winter clothes. I did a brief inventory last weekend of my summer clothes, and folks, there was pretty much nothing there for me to wear. I gave all of it away to the Salvation Army at the end of last summer, by which time I had dropped 2-3 sizes. Subsequently, this current state of affairs necessitated a run to Target last week, where I purchased ten shirts and two light sweaters. But I still need shorts, skirts, dresses, my summer shoes are too big, I need new bras, and so on and so on. Keep this in mind whilst you are on product and dropping pounds/inches. The clothes shopping never ceases!

All in all, I'm in a "happy place" right now, which is wonderful. I feel like I can handle anything thrown my way. And I'm proud of myself to boot. Hope you are having a good weekend as well. So with that, I bid you an electronic "Sleep tight!"

Imperfect Progress

A cheerful "Good Morning!" to everyone. The Spring sun has been shining down the past few days and I just noticed the birds are singing too. Beautiful, colorful tulips have emerged all over my neighborhood. It's funny how I can get so wrapped up in my frustrations that I forget to acknowledge these wonderful things that are happening all around me. You know I've had my struggles this week, and that can "cloud" my enjoyment of where I am right now in my life. Which is in a very, very good place.

Millie talks to me about "imperfect progress" -- in my case, allowing myself to make "mistakes" (my word, not hers) in this new maintenance journey of mine. There are good days and bad days, the scale goes up and goes down, potholes are encountered, "battles" are won, lost, declared a truce. Just like being on a full "Optifast," 100% compliance is, arguably, completely unobtainable. And most importantly of all, this is a marathon, not a sprint.

Each and every day, I am learning more about maintaining my healthy weight. By tracking my weight day by day, I see there is an established fluctuation range between a low of 156 lbs. and a high of 161 lbs. This is like clockwork for me. It has not changed since I started transition in January. So the certainty that I prefer is indeed in place. My Facebook friends are giving me solid advice for managing my scale abhorrence, and I am getting more comfortable with the idea of weighing once a week.

My exercise routine is getting a boost by the nicer weather, my husband's renewed interest and prodding, and the promise of a hiking trip to Yosemite National Park in California in July. Kathy at our clinic keeps me motivated and is giving me wonderful tips and information. Her constant reinforcement that physical "activity" (I like that word better than "exercise" for some reason) is a cornerstone for weight management has sunk in and I know what I need to do. I also want to give a little "hat tip" to my Facebook friend Martha out in Arizona. She's a true inspiration. Head on over to her blog "Optifast Mom" (link to it on the right side of this page) to see her story.

And finally, my therapist Phil, Millie, my readings, and my Facebook friends (plus of course this blog) help me process my emotions that accompany this "new me." I've got all the supports in place. If I step back a bit, and take a good, hard look at myself, I can see that I'm doing this! Not perfectly, it didn't happen overnight, I have good days and bad days, I learn more day by day. I'm maintaining. And this is what it's all about.

I want to give a big electronic hug and say "Thank You!" to each and every person who is helping me get through this thing called "life." Your support is invaluable. Now, let's get out there today, smell the flowers, and enjoy all the wonderful things happening in our own little neighborhoods! Have a great day.

(Thumbs) Down For The Count

Today's persona non grata

And now a little vent of frustration. I don't think I've had one of these here? Maybe. I'm not sure. But blogs are for vents sometimes so here I go: I am frustrated with counting calories. I'm very unhappy. There I said it. I am having a very difficult time with it when it comes to my dinners and weekend meals. Slogans like "You bite it, you write it" really irritate me right now. I want to pull my hair out.

Now before I go any further, I want to say that the majority of sources I have checked state quite clearly that those who have been most successful with keeping their weight off keep a very close eye on calories going in every day. Stop counting calories and it's slip sliding away. If you eat very similar meals every day, you can probably ease up a bit because your count won't change much. But if your daily diet varies quite a bit, then calorie counters can be helpful, almost necessary. And that's why all these online trackers have popped up; that's why in the good old days they used calorie counting charts.

But put yourself in my shoes for a moment. Yes, I have the same breakfast, lunch and snacks every day. But come dinnertime, it's a whole new story. I create many of my meals on my own -- yes, I use iDiet recipes sometimes, but on some occasions I will "tinker" with them, or maybe just have an evening where I go off and create something of my own. That's what I do. I will make a salad, throw a handful of spinach in there, roast a red pepper with a small amount of olive oil and throw a few strips in there, grill some salmon and put some in there (and feed the rest to my Bassets), toss in a few capers and thinly sliced Bermuda onion, then mix with a very small amount of homemade dressing I make. And probably finish off with a small pinch of Kosher salt. Now how in the heck am I to calculate the calories in that?

And let's talk about last weekend. I made mussels in white wine sauce. I gave my husband the lion's share, and then I had some. Did I count how many mussels I had? No. How about the wine sauce? I made it by sight. How many calories are in that? How many tablespoons did I have? How in the world am I supposed to calculate all of this in MyFitnessPal? You can't. So I don't. But I feel guilty. And then the fear of weight gain creeps back in. I get unhappy. You see where I am going with all of this.

If I can't have some creativity in the kitchen, I am going to go nuts. Calorie counting, for me, is cutting into that. No, I do not want to gain my weight back. But I am not going to give up my cooking. It's one of my greatest joys in life. Good cooking requires some freedom, flexibility and eyeballing. So I am temporarily stuck right now. And I resent that. Yes, I will seek out help and suggestions. And the scale and my clothes can be a guide. But let's not forget I hate scales and I wear clothes that are a little baggy because I'm frugal and don't want to waste money on something that might not fit someday. Boy, what a vent this is!

Sorry to be a little grouchy here, but it's how I feel. I know there is a solution somewhere, some "compromise" to be had. I'll find it. But right now, just color me frustrated!