Slow Down

I have been very under-rested for the past week, and I think that is why I have been frustrated lately. Woke up at 4:30 a.m. this morning and ended up going into work early, but had to leave early. I came home and fell asleep exhausted, then got up and walked the dogs and did my grocery shopping for my husband's dinner tonight. I am going to try and go to bed at a reasonable hour this evening and hopefully I can sleep through the night. Fingers crossed this is just a phase that will end soon.

Also, my stress level at work has ramped up considerably. This is a busy time of year for us and it will continue up through November. So we have the job stress, no sleep, and frustration with my Optifast program, and I am now a bundle of nerves. A live wire. I am trying to practice some deep breathing exercises and that is helping a little bit. I have also been taking hot baths and those feel good. My goal: SLOW DOWN. I'm not any good to anyone in this anxious state. I need to try my best to relax and stay in the "now." It's hard, but I'm going to work at it.

I'm trying to remember that this phase will pass -- I will get back into my normal sleep routine eventually and things at work will calm down. In regards to work, I'm human. Mistakes may be made but I will always do the best I can. In regards to sleep, I will do what I can to get back to a normal schedule. And with my Optifast program, I must go back to that state of patience. I can slip out of it so easily -- and I really mustn't do that. The weight will come off. I will get to goal. I need to keep telling myself this every day.

And The Frustration Sets In

So I am now about 17 lbs. to go until goal. I am coming up on seven months on the Optifast products, and by my calculations and given my average weight loss per week (2-2.2 lbs.), I am looking at roughly two more months of fasting. Some on Optifast might think that this is a heck of a long time to lose 80 lbs., but I guess for someone with a terrible metabolic rate, it's fairly normal. Besides, my brother told me to expect up to one full year on products to carve the weight off, so I guess I am coming out ahead of the game.

But instead of celebrating and enjoying where I am today, an incredible sense of frustration has crept into my consciousness. Come to think of it, it started to take hold when I began having my one limited/special meal out a week as allowed by the clinic. What is happening is I fast all week, interrupt for one meal, then resume fasting. It's throwing me for a loop mentally. Physically, I feel fine, and I am in ketosis and losing weight. My addition of the pickle has brought my sodium level back up and I have energy again. But mentally, I am getting confused and feel out of sorts.

So I am at a crossroads here. Do I cease the meals out, even though I enjoy being served after months of cooking for my husband while I don't eat it? I never take my product to restaurants -- I just cannot do that -- and it has been wonderful being able to go out and order my own meal. Do I cut off that experience? Or do I just grit my teeth and keep doing what I am doing, and suffer silently with the frustration until I ultimately reach goal?

I am full of questions this morning. Importantly, I will be discussing all of this with the dietitian when I go in for my weekly weigh-in on Wednesday. I can get some guidance. I am almost to the finish line, and I can do this. I just try to be strong and positive all the time and today I feel a little shaky.  

More Lessons Learned

It's Sunday, a day for me to relax and read the paper, check up on my Optifast friends, and work on my blog. I was up very early this morning, and as I was making my breakfast shake, I started thinking about all of the lessons I have learned about this program during the course of my journey. I want to point out a few things which might be useful to the newcomer -- things I learned along the way that in some cases surprised me. Better to be prepared than not. In no particular order, they are:

1. Adjust your expectations of how long you will be on product. I thought I'd breeze through the program and hit goal in four months. In reality, it's going to take twice as long as that. Yes, I've got the thyroid issues and accompanying terrible metabolism, and that's the culprit. But for you, there may be cheats or relapses (which break ketosis and you stop burning fat), other medical issues, you may find full fast is just too strict and opt for the partial plan which works more slowly, etc.

To power through the frustration I have sometimes with the longer journey, I keep reminding myself that it took about 10 years to pack all my weight on -- and I'm carving it off in less than a year. That's very encouraging. I also acknowledge that I do love the structure the products give to my day. I know when to eat and what to eat. It's easy. This journey does not have to be torture. Enjoy the simplicity of the program.

2. Prepare to spend a lot of money. There's an old saying I like: "You've got to pay to play." There is no way around it. This program is not cheap. Particularly if you live in the United States. If you are like I was (obese), you looked at your budget, calculated you would only be on product a few months, and reasoned, "Heck, I can afford this!" You signed up, got started, had some good weeks of weight loss, then bam! Slowed down, had some weeks where you may have lost nothing, or had a slight gain, or perhaps got to the last 15 lbs. and the weight loss was maddening slow. You are going to spend more money on product than you anticipated. It's just how it goes.

Also keep in mind that the Optifast program is not just product purchases. There are the medical expenses, and that includes the weekly doctor visits, blood draws, the initial health assessment ($500 for me), EKGs after 50 lb. losses, and with some individuals, other tests that have to be performed. Everything adds up, and before you know it, you have spent thousands of dollars. Is it worth it? In my opinion, absolutely. But worth it if you follow the program exactly as prescribed. I refuse to burn money by doing anything but. Call me cheap, but that's the way I am.

3. Expect side effects! I have not met one person who did not experience some form of a side effect from the Optifast products. Most have multiple effects. Constipation, hair loss, gallbladder sludge, fatigue, low potassium, low sodium, anemia, migrane headaches, chest pains, cracked skin -- I have met at least one person, and in many cases multiple people who have suffered from these and other ailments. Yes, there may be some people breezing through this program with no physical effects at all, but they are few and far between. When you cut your calorie intake to 800 calories or less (I'm just over 600 calories), remove some particular nutrients, and almost completely remove carbs, sugars, salt and fats, your body is going to react. Negatively. Expect this. And follow your clinic's guidelines for treatment.

4. Do not do this program without a physician. Now, this is where I slip into full-blown lecture mode. I have just received word from another friend who has encountered a serious problem that could possibly require her to phase off product. This problem was clarified by a blood test. The blood test was ordered by a doctor. A doctor will oversee treatment. Above, I've listen some -- not all -- of the side effects you could encounter from the Optifast products. Some you may notice on your own and can treat on your own, but the biggies are only caught by blood work. There is no way in God's green Earth I would cut my caloric intake this drastically without a doctor's oversight. You get hospitalized for some of these ailments if left untreated. I'm not going there. This is serious business. No matter how badly you want to lose weight, if you don't have access to a good physician, forget about Optifast.

5. One Day At A Time. Without question, I believe my success with compliance to my Optifast products is a direct result of embracing the One Day At A Time philosophy. I stay in the day -- mentally -- and find if I just focus on that I can make it through product-only. Also, this philosophy starts to reinforce habit, and soon everything becomes second-nature. Everything has become so effortless, so easy. Now, this is not to say I don't have the occasional craving, but I know from my toolbox that those cravings pass. Craving is not hunger. They are entirely different.

I strongly, strongly encourage you to follow this practice. I promise you, it works if you work it. In my opinion, this is the key that unlocks your successful journey to the finish line, and on into maintenance. Actually, this practice has been used in all 12-step recovery programs, some around since the 1930s, and they have had successful results for many. This is not something new. Try it. It works.

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I hope some of these thoughts assist you on your own Optifast journey. As always, I encourage you to reach out to other Optifasters on Facebook and to visit Optifaster blogs to read about the lessons others have learned along the way. You are not alone. Many are trudging this interesting path with you. Oh -- and one last thing: Don't forget to have some fun while you're doing all this. You deserve it! Enjoy today. And the many days to follow!      
 

Staying In The "Now"

Stumbled across this picture on the Internet today and it really made me smile. This is my new philosophy these days: Staying in the "Now" -- the precious present -- because jumping into the future can cause anxiety, and dwelling on the past opens the door sometimes to depression and regret.

My therapist and I have spent a considerable amount of time going over this concept, as when I arrived in his office I was struggling mightily with issues of anxiety and a very low self-esteem. I was also obese at 239 lbs., and that certainly didn't help matters at all. I have worked very hard to embrace this philosophy and I must tell you I am experiencing an inner peace I have not had in decades -- if not ever in my life.

Look at me now: Today I am out of the "obese" range and into the "overweight" range. I weigh 178 lbs., with only 18 lbs. left to lose to hit goal. I have a spring in my step, I am wearing beautiful clothes that fit properly, my skin is glowing, my husband says I look 10 years younger. I feel absolutely fantastic -- and have no regrets whatsoever for doing the Optifast program. In fact, Optifast saved me from a terrible path I was going down, taught me discipline and to respect what I put into my body, got me on a normal routine of eating breakfast, lunch, snack and dinner. I love this program, and recommend it highly to anyone seriously concerned about losing weight.

I also am looking outside right now and it's a beautiful, crisp morning in Columbus. I can't wait to get outside and go for a walk with the dogs. I have energy now and the desire to move -- that had left me, but today it thrives inside of me. I feel so blessed. I am also thinking about all of the new Optifast friends I have made in the clinic and through Facebook. They have enriched my life incredibly. I am not alone as I go through this journey. And that's a truly wonderful thing.

I encourage you to start living in the Now. It's such a peaceful, freeing place to be. Ditch the anxiety and regrets. We don't need that. Treasure today and experience as much of it as you can. That's what I do. And I've never been happier!

On Weighing Every Day

As you probably know by now, I hate scales. Although I have become a little more comfortable with them since I started my weekly weigh-ins at the clinic, I still consider them to be "dangerous" for one simple reason: they invite weight obsession. For some. Yes, there are many people who can utilize a scale for practical reasons. But I am not one of those people. And subsequently, I approach the scale with great caution.

My clinic strongly encourages us to weigh ourselves only once a week, on the clinic scale, at roughly the same time. Weighing at home, every day, is discouraged only because it can usher in disappointment and frustration. Now, certainly not everyone adheres to this advice. Some want a daily tracking of their fluctuations to see if progress is unfolding. They do not want to wait a week for results. They may also trust their own scale over the clinic scale, which often may register differently than your home scale. And perhaps most importantly, for some it is highly motivating to see the number on the scale go down day by day -- that signifies progress and gives one hope and optimism.

Yet it is very likely that while you are on product, the numbers will shift day to day. One day you may show a 2 lb. loss; on another day a 1 lb. gain. Many factors come into play, namely water retention, menstrual cycle, and for some just certain weeks where nothing happens. One friend said her weight loss is sometimes affected by the lunar cycle! So many things can cause fluctuations. And for me, if I were seeing this on a daily basis, it would drive me nuts.

So I have chosen to let go of a need to see my weight number every day. That works for me. I have also made a decision not to have a scale in my home -- I will go to the clinic for my weigh-ins during maintenance. My guide for potential weight gain will be my clothes. I find that to be more comfortable for me. I guess in sum, the choice is yours on weighing when and where. We are all different. Just watch out for obsession -- it can be potentially concerning.

Goodbye To The Blob

And now I deviate a bit to say adios, au revoir, good night and good luck to an old nemesis who's been hanging around for awhile but is preparing to exit stage left. I found a picture of him for you to see. He's there on the bottom shelf:

I am pleased to report that three of his kind are gone for good. Took awhile to get them out, but as they say, they are now history. He's the only one left -- and he's leaving soon. His bags are packed and he's ready to go. Wish I had something nice to say about him, but his upcoming departure has me giddy with excitement. Goodbye, Mr Blob. It definitely wasn't nice knowing you!

The Compliment

My husband and I gathered with my family yesterday afternoon for a cook-out and to watch an exciting football game (our team won!). Before the game started, my brother motioned me to join him outside for a minute. We stood in the cool Fall air and he told me, "Melissa you look good. No, you look really good!" And I smiled, but inside felt a little nervous. "Can you notice a difference since I first started?" I asked. He didn't hesitate for a moment. "Are you serious? Yes! Yes! You look unbelievable!"

Although my two siblings live in the Columbus area, we don't see each other on a regular basis. Busy schedules, they are raising children, we live in different suburbs, it all contributes to not being able to gather often. So some time has passed since I last saw my brother. Perhaps that's why his compliment meant so much to me. But maybe there was more going on -- after all, he has done Optifast and he knows how much effort goes into it. In a way, he is a comrade in arms. So for me, he was acknowledging more than just the way I looked. He was praising me for a job well done.

Actually, I was quite proud of myself yesterday during the party. There was fattening food everywhere. I brought some of it myself! I provided the bratwurst and jumbo cream puffs, because the specialty shop that sells them is right down the street. Everybody wanted it. And I didn't touch it. Not a morsel crossed my lips. There were other heavenly things around as well. But I felt no urge to indulge. I have come far in my journey, but there's still work to be done. Now and for a lifetime.

But oh, I did enjoy my own little meal! We did not have a meal out yesterday, so I had a delightful piece of salmon seasoned and cooked right on the grill; a spinach salad with crunchy red peppers and green beans, green onions, and a 25-calorie tablespoon of honey-dijon yogurt dressing; and assorted roasted vegetables (eggplant, onions, mushrooms, zucchini, red pepper and yellow pepper). It was fabulous. Importantly, I made sure to eat slowly, savoring every bite, and trying to chew each bite as much as I could. I actually couldn't eat everything on my plate, so I left it. All new behaviors for me!

Today I am back to my routine and happy as a clam. It's really getting chilly and I can't wait for my soup with the Indian spice. I had to go to the grocery to get some items for my husband's Sunday dinner and I dug out a warm, black, belted coat from years back when I was smaller. Like the leather jacket, it fit perfectly. I checked myself out in the mirror (something I'm starting to do now) and really liked what I saw. Yes, maybe my brother is right. I look good!

In A Pickle!

Good news: We have sorted out the health problem! It was my sodium level -- it had dropped down to 129 again (with 135 being the norm) and this was causing the exhaustion and disorientation. A new "plan of attack" is in place, which keeps me in ketosis, and I report that I am fully recovered and feeling excellent. My energy has surged back and there is a spring in my step. I couldn't be happier.

Here's what we are doing:

1.) I have either one pickle spear a day OR 1 cup chicken, beef, turkey, or vegetable broth a day in addition to my products. Not the low-sodium broth -- the real stuff you find at the grocery store. Both options are very low in calories but packed with sodium.

The downside: I will initially retain water until my body adjusts to the higher sodium intake. This will probably slow my weight loss, which means I will be on product longer. But that is perfectly okay with me. I love my products, my schedule and I feel so healthy.

2.) I am now allowed one meal out a week at a restaurant! Can you believe it? Yes, it is highly restrictive -- the "special" meal, consisting of 4 oz. of chicken or fish grilled or baked; small salad; and small serving of  vegetables. But after six months, I can now step out on the town. I am absolutely thrilled (and so is my husband). As you know, eating out is one of our main ways to socialize, and we have not done this in a long, long time. Our eleventh anniversary is next Saturday, and I can't wait to get dressed up and head out into the night!

Now, I want to really stress that these changes have been tailored to my specific needs. I am in no way advocating you simply go eat pickles if you are feeling tired or give yourself free reign to have a dinner out once a week. On the contrary, Optifast works because it reduces your sodium, carbohydrate, and fat intake, and if you add pickles into your diet you will retard the weight loss. If you feel exhausted, go have blood drawn and talk to the doctor -- they will tell you how to proceed.

And by no means should you start allowing yourself to have meals out if this is not approved by your dietitian/doctor. You could easily throw yourself out of ketosis, and we all know what that means: you are back to square one, and will have to start all over again. The ONLY reason I am allowed to go out is I have been on a full fast for over six months and have been extremely compliant. I am also 20 lbs. from my goal, and I have clearly shown the ability to follow directions to the letter. In other words, they trust me! In a way, I have "earned" this. I know it is a reward of sorts, and I feel very proud of myself.

Honestly, I may not even go out every week. It will probably get "old" fast, and I've got my goal in my sights now. How hard I have worked for this! As you know, it's been a long journey filled with some frustrations, but my, I feel great! I've dropped from 239 lbs. to 180 lbs. I'm down almost 5 sizes. By next weigh-in, I will be out of the "obese" BMI range and into the "overweight" BMI range. In time, I'll be in the "healthy" BMI range, where I belong. Finally. Finally!

It's a beautiful Fall day here today. Sunny, crisp air, pumpkins popping up on neighbors' porches. I feel so blessed. Oh thank you, thank you Optifast. You've given me my life back. And for that, I am truly grateful.