All Aboard

Sitting here at goal, in transition/maintenance after 9 1/2 months on the Optifast products, gives me some fairly good 20/20 vision about the upsides and downsides of Optifast. Of course the overwhelming positive points are I am at a healthy goal, I have lost 33% of my body fat, and I have tools to employ a good maintenance program to keep the weight off. And the fairly obvious negatives are that it cost a heck of a lot of money to reach this goal and me personally, I'm an emotional wreck, frightened of gaining all the weight back.

I chatted with a friend who was on the Optifast program about whether or not the program "messes with your head." I've been thinking about that this morning, and I've come to the conclusion that whenever you drop a massive amount of weight it messes with your head. Point is, we wanted the weight gone. Optifast is just a vehicle that moves you (somewhat rapidly) to your destination. Other diets can do the same thing. What's messed up in my head is I have never done something like this before -- I have never been on a diet before -- and now I'm sitting here, at the destination, floundering about and trying to figure out how to set up shop and stay awhile.

I hopped aboard the Optifast train, paid my fare, and settled in for a long journey. When the conductor shouted out my destination, I hopped off onto a platform in a very strange place. I don't know my way around, I'm not comfortable, and honestly, I'm a little bit scared.  I've got some survival skills in my luggage,  but they are new and I've never used them before. I only bought a one-way ticket, so I'm here to stay. I need to get a roof over my head and steady line of work. And I'm overwhelmed. In a way, I want to cry.

Now, you are not me. It could very well be that you shed your weight and are happy and joyous and embracing maintenance with gusto. You disembarked the train, immediately set up shop, and are raking in the profits. I know this is how I expected things to roll out for me when I started the program. But it has not come to pass. Maybe it will materialize eventually, and that is what I am hoping for, but as you know by now I've been struggling -- almost entirely emotionally. I'm going to give myself an "A" for admitting this honestly and writing about it openly.

I want to be very delicate here and not put anyone off from the Optifast program. My journey with the products showed me I can bravely board the "train" and dedicate and commit myself 100% to a very rigid program with strict parameters that I must follow. I am so, so proud of myself for sticking with the full fast and following it to the end. Not jumping off the train before I reached my destination. I continue to go to the educational classes, and participate in the dialogue every week. I have bi-weekly sessions with the Optifast dietitian. Some just sit in the waiting room/caboose and don't come into the classroom, and never come back to the clinic when they reach goal. Not me. I am there to succeed, to receive every piece of maintenance information I can get.

The train that brought me to where I am now does come back from time to time to carry passengers back to the place they left behind. Lots of seats are available, for a very low price. Sometimes you can hear it approaching in the distance, if you listen carefully. I know I don't need a reservation to get on board. And it would be so easy to just run away. But I came out here for a reason. To prove something to myself. To "improve" myself. I've come too far to throw in the towel. Besides, there's an apartment available I can rent. I saw it when I was browsing the want-ads. So stay away from the train station I will. I'll keep my suitcase in the closet and (new) clothes in the drawers.

I'm not going anywhere. This is my new home. Things will become more familiar -- in time.