Back To The Basics

Greetings from Ohio!

Good morning dear readers! It's terribly cold, but the sun is out, which makes things a little more bearable. I didn't go to work today so husband took the car -- thus leaving me car-less and I don't like that at all! I will have to bundle up and walk to the grocery store to procure the ingredients for tonight's dinner. It's only three blocks away, but what a chilly walk it will be.

Talked with him last night about going back to the soups and some vegetarian meals and he was okay with that. So tonight I am going to make a kale soup with carrots, onions, celery, navy beans and a small amount of turkey sausage. I'm going to use the crock pot over the weekend to make some sort of veggie/bean stew. I'd love to throw a ham hock in there, but I'm holding off.

I have been thinking this morning about this idea of constant "re-commitment" to a healthy diet. And by this I mean eating well for a stretch; straying off course; feeling guilty; and then shaking myself and getting back on the horse and eating properly again. It's not that I'm not proud of myself for getting the brakes on when it's needed, rather I feel like a scratched CD -- plays well for a stretch then skips. And it's really annoying.

I can't tell you how hard it is fighting off the desire to cook up a storm of hearty dishes right now. Who of us doesn't love the wonderful aroma filling the kitchen, from a fabulous winter dish slowly roasting in the oven? But if I keep preparing and gobbling those up, I'm undoing all my hard work to get my weight off and keep it off. So I must be strong, re-commit, and remember how unhappy, uncomfortable and embarrassed I was when I was obese.

It's very, very important to me to relay a positive message to everyone about staying the course, through good times and bad, always keeping your eyes on the "prize" of being at a healthy weight. But darn it, this is hard for me. And I'm guessing most are struggling right along with me. I remember "chirping" way back in this blog about how Optifasting is the easy part -- it's maintenance where the true trials and tribulations are. And it's so, so true.

I also just bristle when I think about those "statistics" purportedly showing that the vast majority of people who have lost weight through a liquid diet gain all the weight back -- and more. Frankly folks, that scares and upsets me. Who needs to hear such a negative message when you are trying your best to maintain your loss? I sure don't. Grrrr.

Well, off I go to bundle up and face the elements. I know I'll have a hot cup of tea waiting for me when I get home. And hey -- I'm getting some exercise, right? That's not a bad thing. Stay warm everyone!

It's Freezing...And I'm Frustrated!

Mr. Cold Miser Is Here!

Well, I'm a little frustrated today. Maybe more than a little. First, my husband's car died weeks ago and this has caused quite a disruption to my daily routine. It's absolutely freezing (literally) in Ohio right now, and I have to drop him off and pick him up after work. It's not that I mind it, but I haven't been able to get to the clinic; my cooking is slipping to "tried and true" calorie-laden dinners; and all exercise has stopped. It's cold, I'm tired and I just want to be bundled up in comfy blankets, beside the fire, with my Bassets.

There are lots of things I need to attend to and I'm a little overwhelmed. I guess I will start with my dinners. As you know, breakfast, lunch, snacks is no problem for me. It's the dinner and the portion size that I struggle with. Now, I had a long stretch there where I was cooking up lo-cal, high fiber soups. But my husband soon asked for a little more variety, and I wanted it too. So as the temperature has dropped, I have fallen into cooking hearty stews, roasts, different chili and lasagna. Whoops. And I love these dishes, thank you very much, yet I now feel guilt when I eat them.

Not one to give up, however, I woke up today and committed to myself that I am going to rope things in and get us back on track. I know what the hearty dishes taste like -- I've been making them for years. I have to continue my search for new things that will keep our tummies warm, challenge me to create, and not be laden with calories and fat. I feel like I keep "re-committing" over and over again. Is this what people on diets always do? Darn, it's frustrating.

As for my clinic visits, I have not been in a long time, and our car troubles are really throwing a wrench in the whole thing. I go to the clinic south of my house on Wednesdays at 4:30 p.m. and class is at 5:00. But my husband needs to be picked up at 5:30 p.m. downtown -- different part of the city. And then there is of course my concern that I am above goal and I might go to the clinic and leave feeling like a failure. And I don't want to go through that. Would anyone? But in my heart I know going to the clinic keeps me accountable. Oh sigh and sigh some more.

I'm not even going to make any excuses for not exercising. There are none.

So, I don't want to sound like a "negative Nellie" but I guess I feel this way right now. I don't think I've been through a more challenging time? Well, scratch that. I've been through quite a few challenging times in the past year. I just didn't realize what a strong impact cold winter weather can have on my eating choices. Are you dealing with cold weather too? I don't like it! Pass the cinnamon tea. It's time to get my appetite under control!

The Holiday Weight Coming Off!

Hip, Hip Hooray!

Excellent news to report. I weighed myself yesterday and I have dropped SEVEN lbs. from the week before. Which tells me some of that holiday weight gain was water weight. As soon as I got back on track and tightened everything back up, the loss started. Hooray!

Now, I do NOT anticipate losing an additional 7 lbs. in this next week. Ain't gonna happen. But here's where I stand today:

Current Weight: 178 lbs.
Target Weight: 170 lbs.
Original Optifast goal weight I achieved: 160 lbs.

I've thought about things long and hard and I just don't think it's going to be possible for me to get back to 160 lbs. Frankly -- to be honest -- I don't want to go to 160 lbs. because that would require just too much food restriction for me (or Optifasting again) and I don't want to do that. I like my daily eating routine I have set up, which allows for some extra calories at dinner. The binges are gone, I can cook and eat interesting dinners, my anxiety is in check.

Also, given the current dosage of medication I am on, I think it's impossible to get back to my original Optifast goal weight. And you know what? That's okay with me today. I've still kept a significant amount of weight off (60 lbs.!) and I'm very happy about that.

I also like my weekly weigh in on my home scale Friday mornings. I feel so much better checking my weight only once a week. Why didn't I start this sooner? I guess we just chalk it up to a lesson learned. Believe me, if the daily fluctuations in your weight are driving you nuts (like they did for me), ease back to once-a-week weighing. It is so much better.

Not much else to report this evening. Relaxing with my husband over the weekend. The weather should be warm enough tomorrow for my walking. All in all, I feel optimistic and good. Fingers crossed I stay this way!





 

At Issue: My Dinners

My inspiration: Julia Child

Mornin' all! I have not stepped on the scale yet (I'm now doing weekly weigh-ins at home on Fridays), but I sense some of this holiday weight may be starting to come off. My clothes feel just a tad bit looser. I also kicked into high gear with my fiber-based diet and that has cut grazing in its tracks.

The way I see it now, I have absolutely no problem keeping my breakfast, lunch and snacks low calorie. You know I eat similar things every day and I like it. At issue is the dinners -- which to shed weight through calorie reduction, I must keep at around 300-400 calories. This is proving very difficult for me. On some days I am taking in 500-600 calories (estimate) for dinner. If this continues, the 15 lb. weight loss effort will be painfully slow for me. I need to be at around 1,200 calories/day to lose weight.

Now, you all know how much I love to cook. It is very, very important to me. I have a ritual where I go to the grocery every day; select my ingredients; spend time on prep; the dish cooks for awhile; then we enjoy the finished product. This is an entire process that gives me great pleasure and satisfies the creative streak in me. I tried just cooking for my husband while I ate 4 oz. of chicken or fish and a small salad, but folks I reached a point where I could not sustain that anymore.

When I join my husband in eating my creations I am happy as a clam.

I have turned to Eating Well magazine and other publications to get recipes and ideas for things I can prepare that are interesting and sometimes complex (I love a challenge). And I've been testing those out and some are very, very good. I must be careful to measure out my serving size, and I admit this has been a struggle. The dish looks and smells so good that I want to have a hearty portion. Sometimes I've been good, but other times I've given in to my cravings.

Then we have our once a week dinner out (we're committed now to just going out once a week), and as always I view that as a "reward" for watching my calories. Granted, we don't go to fast food restaurants or restaurant "chains." But the places we go to do have highly caloric dishes. And those I want the most!

However, I am not going to just give up and go back to cooking high-calorie dinners and eating with abandon. Been there, done that. I will keep searching for new ideas, do a little experimenting myself, and really target my portion size. I think that will be key for me.

And When Melissa Stops Posting...It's Not A Good Thing!

Back up on the horse we go...

Well hello all, after a long hiatus! This has been a very busy time for me, family gatherings and whatnot. Then we switched our cable company and that ushered in numerous problems and no Internet for a stretch. But I'm back in action for 2014. Happy New Year!

As is most likely the case for many, my eating, starting Christmas week and running through to yesterday, has not been good. It's been terrible. I threw caution to the wind and on some days ate like there was no tomorrow. This time stretch has included Christmas and New Year's Eve, and I love preparing the meals for these occasions. Keep in mind I was Optifasting last year at this time, and subsequently I had a very strong urge this year to let loose and gobble up everything my heart desired. And I gave in to the urge on many days; on others I kept things under control.

Importantly, I stopped weighing in mid-December to cut some stress I was starting to feel about possible weight gain. Now, yes, I am well aware that weighing regularly keeps one accountable, and is very important for weight maintenance. But I wanted to be "free" from the scale, unshackled, if you will. I didn't want to be responsible, be accountable for my eating decisions.

And folks, I've paid the price.

I gained 9 lbs. from this feeding frenzy. Without exercise, how in the heck am I going to get this off? I won't, I can't. But I keep resisting the exercise -- surely there must be others in the same boat? I sound like a broken record when I talk about exercise. I've been bemoaning my lack of it every since a started this blog almost 2 years ago. I need to stop making excuses and just get moving. Now.

So I walked with my husband today. Not far because it is very cold, but I walked nonetheless. I also ate as "clean" as I could. I definitely feel very sensitive about my weight gain, I worry about how I am going to effectively get the brakes on the overeating, and I'm mad at myself for letting things spin out of control for a stretch. But I'll fall back into my "stay in today" mode and give myself a big pat on the back for stopping the frenzy today.

So back up on the maintenance horse I go. If you indulged over the holidays and got shocked by your scale, come on up with me. There's room here for both of us. Maintenance. Grrrrrrr!

Minefield: The Office Kitchen!

I wonder: What's in those cabinets?

So in this weight battle I am waging, I often have to tip toe around land mines -- a sometimes tedious task but one that must be done. When I was Optifasting, it was a fairly easy for me because I was very, very committed to to full compliance, and deeply aware of the money I was spending on product. But now, I am in the real food maintenance world. Which means I must always be on guard for "explosives."

Something very eye-opening happened to me yesterday. I accompanied the Office Manager to Sam's Club, that bulk-buying shopper's "paradise" owned by Walmart. Now, my husband and I cannot have children, so it's just us and we live in place without a lot of storage space. Subsequently,  I don't buy in bulk and hence don't go to Sam's Club. This was a rare visit for me.

Our mission was to buy assorted things for the office. And this included things that are stocked in the office kitchen. And by that I mean candy, cookies, snack cakes, crackers and chips. For an office of 5 people. And wouldn't you know, Sam's Club has all of these things in row upon row, right near the check out counters, so they are easy to spot and reach. How convenient!

What is very compelling to me is, as we maneuvered our cart down these aisles, I started to get very uncomfortable. Huge bags and boxes of very, very caloric, fattening things. I don't buy these things for our home. And I rarely walk down the aisles in my grocery store where they are kept. Suddenly here I was, literally surrounded by this junk. I didn't care if "the price was right." Folks, I wanted to get the hell out of there.

I watched like a hawk everything that went into our cart. The choices made and the sheer volume of it all. And I thought to myself, "Sure, we're saving money, but isn't there a connection between having more and eating more?!" And I thought about the newest employee we have, who told me he gained 10 lbs. in the first month he started working with us. In good part from all the things he was eating at the office. With this kind of selection to choose from, I'm actually surprised he hasn't gained more.

I really do love our Office Manager -- she's a good friend of mine -- and we've been walking together and I give her handouts and articles outlining healthy foods to choose. And when we were at Sam's Club, she asked me what I wanted. I really did sense she wanted me to have something I liked, and actually, I didn't want to disappoint her. Fiber One bars came to mind (even though I have trouble just stopping at one), and we did locate a (big) box of the kind I like. So into the cart went those. At least I'll have something quasi-safe in the kitchen if I start getting cravings.

I do think if I didn't lose all my weight, and I didn't have all my classes outlining healthy foods to select and foods to avoid, and I didn't know about options like having a Fiber One bar for a snack/meal to control calorie intake, I would be darting in and out of the office kitchen all day. So I'm grateful to have this experience and information. Yes, the office has a minefield. But I know where it is -- and that makes all the difference!  

Am I A Failure?

As you know, I stay close to the clinic -- even though I have gained some weight back. I keep attending the free class sessions so I can stay in close touch with program participants and the staff. It motivates them and heck, it motivates me.

Now, it's true that I feel a twinge uncomfortable during these meetings because I could not hold my goal weight and I'm up 15 lbs. I do not want to deter anyone from reaching their goal or give the impression that they are destined for weight gain too. I know how focused I was about hitting goal and holding it forever. And that did not come to pass for me. So there are inevitable feelings of "failure" that I carry with me.

I think that many, many people contend with this sense of being a failure if they gain their weight back after Optifasting. Some of us were on product for a very long period of time and the result was massive physical change, improved health, and dramatically improved self esteem. All positives. There is a great sense of accomplishment and in my case, it was one of the greatest things I have achieved in my life. And of course this feels great.

But -- and this is a big but -- as my weight has crept up, regardless of the valid reasons why, this sense of being a failure has grown. There are times when I am afraid of going to the clinic, and I have talked to folks who felt the same way. For me, I feel like I have let someone down. Millie and Kathy? My frugal husband? Myself? I am fighting a small skirmish here to hold back these failure feelings so they don't keep me away from the clinic. I need to be there, I want to be there.

I know in my heart of hearts if I stop going to the clinic, my weight gain could start really spiraling upward. When I am around my "comrades in arms" and see them working so hard to bring their weight under control, it keeps me focused and committed. Importantly, it reaffirms that I am not alone in all of this. Also, Millie and Kathy provide a wealth of current information that I would not see if I were not there. I'm like a sponge when it comes to this stuff. I can never learn enough about weight management. Yes, the clinic is a resource I must use.

I think it may come down to me biting back these "failure feelings" right now and just keep driving down to the clinic on Wednesday afternoons, attending class, until I feel comfortable and relaxed. There is a Latin phrase, "Repetitio est mater studiorum." Repetition is the mother of learning. Keep going to the classes and seeing my friends. Feel better about myself. Repeat.

If you are gaining your weight back after reaching goal, I strongly encourage you to attend these free sessions if it's an option for you. Let's check those failure feelings at the door. That's what I'm going to try to do. I may find that true freedom and happiness lies within.