Stepping Forward Without The Scale

"I know that I don't know."

A few days ago, my anxiety reached an intolerable level and my husband removed the scale. Things had gotten so bad that I had to miss my clinic appointment, and I spent most of the day and night in bed. I've been moving slowly ever since, sleeping quite a bit because my medication had to be adjusted. My normal "creativity" is not as strong as it usually is, and it's hard to write, but I wanted to give an update on my situation.

Not weighing in religiously twice a day is a very foreign thing -- particularly when you have been doing it for over six months. I feel a little "adrift" and it's unpleasant, but not as angst-ridden as the daily weigh ins were. So I don't regret my decision to not do it. Removing the scale had to be done. Now, there is a small urge to start eating whatever I want, but I've got that in check for now. Blessedly, the urge to binge has eased way off. And I'm thrilled about that, because it scared me and made me feel rotten about myself.

It is strange not knowing exactly what I weigh right now. Not knowing if I've had too much salt, and the affect that has. Not knowing if I've gained 5 lbs. or lost 2 lbs. But this brings some freedom, and yes, some relief. I was so upset, as you know, by the uncertainty of my weight, caused by those wild swings in my weigh ins. For those of us with anxiety/panic/stress disorders, uncertainty is an enemy. It makes an unpleasant situation much, much worse. So I am addressing the problem as best I can, and bringing "certainty" back into the equation, i.e. in the words of Socrates: "I know that I don't know."

Exercise is great for cutting through anxiety. Unfortunately, I've been so groggy that I haven't been able to exercise, but I should be back up on my feet in a few days. My goal is to do some walking with my husband -- nothing too strenuous, I just want to get out of the house and get a little movement going. I'm a little frustrated because my exercise routine had really picked up and now I've been knocked back down. But I won't let this get the best of me.

So that's my update for now. Just keeping quiet throughout the Fourth of July holiday weekend. I'm fortunate to have these days off to rest and recuperate. I'm on the mend and getting stronger every day.