I'm "Back"

The road goes up...and then goes down.

I awoke yesterday morning and instantly realized something was different. I was "back" -- back to thinking clearly, back to an anxiety-free state, back to feeling like myself again. The medicine adjustments and scale removal worked! After a wonderful, vigorous massage, I played tennis with my husband, and we later went to a movie and out to a healthy dinner. I enjoyed myself, was happy, felt good about myself. As the holiday weekend winds down, I can look back and say I made it through the toughest period I have had since I entered maintenance. I don't know what I weigh right now, but my clothes fit and I'm happy. And that's enough for me today.

I have decided I will continue with my weigh-ins at the clinic on Wednesdays. I was hesitant, scared to keep doing so, but I've got to have some idea of where I stand. Last time I checked on my scale at home, I was up to 165 lbs. -- a 5-7 lb. gain due to a number of factors (increase in meds, exercise, it's summer and I gain, etc.). I've kept to my normal eating schedule so wherever the chips fall, I'm going to be comfortable with it. I'm doing the best I can, implementing what I was taught, and the scale is going to show what it shows. So be it. Right now, I'm at peace. And that's what I wanted all along.

You know, when I first started maintenance, I was visualizing a flat road, with some potholes, yes, and maybe a few forks. I never thought it could have some inclines and declines. This was unexpected. There was the thrill of getting down to 155 lbs. (albeit briefly) and then holding mostly dead even at 157 lbs. for weeks. But then the wild increase in weight -- and then down again, and suddenly there I am, lying on the side of the road, wondering what in the heck just happened. But I've stood up. Brushed myself off. I'm getting my bearings. And forward I now go.

I am thinking this morning about the people who gain their weight back after reaching goal. And how vague the reasons for the gains can sometimes be. Of course most probably assume they just started eating poorly again, and stopped exercising. But oh no, there are different reasons behind those gains. Medical and emotional issues being biggies. Sometimes, things cannot be controlled, no matter how hard we may try. Sometimes we hit a stretch of "rollercoaster road" and it gets overwhelming. This is what I have learned. I hope and pray my gain is capped in the mid-160s lbs., but for all I know I'm still on my way up. But I'm still going to fight to keep things in line. I don't have the daily weigh-in any more, but I know how to eat and exercise. This is going to have to be enough, and where my weight ultimately settles is where I belong.

I am so much better today and it feels wonderful. It's early, so I am going to go back to bed and slumber a little bit more. Just wanted to let you all know I'm on the mend and moving forward. As always, One Day At A Time.