What's In A Number?

So every week, I approach it. Slip off my shoes and shed a sweater if I'm wearing one. I take a deep breath. Then I step on the scale.

I know the number will make or break my week.

When you commit to Optifast, spending hundreds of dollars a month on food, and go through months of drinking only liquids, you damn well want to see results when you arrive at the clinic for your weekly weigh-in. A nice, big loss -- maybe in the ten pound range? That's what I thought would happen. Well, things have turned out a little differently for me.

I have a terrible metabolic rate of 1330. The normal rate is 1850, and someone lucky to have that will see bigger losses than I have. Darn it! My first week weigh-in showed a loss of 4.5 lbs. The next week, I lost ... nothing. A big fat zero. I was so upset, I was going to quit the program. The third week, I did a little better: 3 lbs. And this week, I shed 2.2 lbs. So for the month, I lost about 10 lbs. And I'm pissed.

Why? Optifast makes it clear on their website that I am in the normal range when it comes to expectations as to what I will lose on their program. And the clinic gave me a thumbs up and congratulated me on my success. I wailed about the modest number and I was told this is exactly what I should weigh given the amount of product I consume weekly. But it doesn't seem fair.

I realized this week that I had high expectations in the beginning. I would drop my 80 lbs. in 4 months. All would be right in the world just in time for bathing suit season! Hadn't I read on different Internet pages about individuals shedding major amounts of weight in a matter of months? I will be one of them too, I reasoned. I couldn't wait.

In short, I was an impatient dreamer caught up in comparisons of myself with others. Time to take a deep breath and reassess the situation.

One of the most important things I try to remember is we are all different, occupying different bodies with different chemical make-ups. We also are on different Optifast programs. Some call for 550 or so calories a day; my program calls for 640 calories a day; and still others do a combination of Optifast products and solid food. So weekly losses will inevitably vary from person to person. Something to keep in mind when you are feeling down and depressed that you are not losing as quickly as others.

My brother, who did Optifast successfully in 1982, was quite firm when he told me: "Melissa, this is a marathon. Not a sprint. Expect 8 months to a year." A year? Say it isn't so! (I actually don't think it will take me that long to reach my goal, as I have started exercising and that should help.) Sobering words, but I sincerely appreciate his honesty. After all, he has a terrible metabolic rate as well!

Numbers -- particularly when they pertain to weight loss -- are very powerful. They can drive our self-esteem, mood, sense of self worth and a host of different behaviors. I really don't want to fall into the "numbers trap" but it's so hard when you have set a goal weight and your progress is monitored weekly. It must be done, however, and I have to be open to inevitable disappointment. But on the flip side, there could be a pleasant surprise waiting around the corner. I'm trying to keep that in mind.

I do have a good number: I have made great strides in lowering my "bad" cholesterol. In a month, it has dropped from 150 to 99. Something to celebrate! Optifast is focused on improving your overall health -- not just moving you from the obesity range to the "normal" range. There are surprises awaiting me. More "good" numbers. And the weight will follow.

So what's in a number? For me, it's patience!