Inevitable Weight Gain? Diffusing Some Anger

Yesterday was interesting. Importantly, the temperature dropped into the 30s, and just like clockwork every year, my appetite went out the window. Just as I had expected, I ate a little less of my meals. I just wasn't hungry and felt satisfied with less. This is how the winter weight loss starts. And obviously, in a semi-twisted way, I'm thrilled about it. I would love getting into the mid-160s again, having hung out, on average, at 171 lbs. for months. The clothes will fit more loosely. My mood improves when that dreaded scale contraption shows a number I like. My legs cross even better. But...what (emotional) price did I pay to get to this point?

So as I was sitting in front of a roaring fire last night, I started to simmer a bit. Then it grew to frustration. And ultimately into anger. At this point, I am absolutely convinced that weight gain is inevitable when you conclude the Optifast program. I'm not talking about the 3-5 lbs. that automatically come back when you cease the products. I'm talking about the 10, 20, 30 lbs. that come back. Now yes, of course, sometimes this is a direct result from inattention to emotional eating behaviors. Using food to comfort is an extremely hard habit to break, just like smoking or giving up alcohol. But some physical things are going on too. I don't have the proper scientific background to nail this all down, but something is up. And there's something I want to know.

Why didn't my clinic prepare me for this inevitability?

I paid a very significant amount of money to lose my 80 lbs. And I went on to pay more money for counseling sessions. I exercise as best I can every day. I take in, for the most part, 1,400 calories a day. Any less than that and I feel physically sick and start binging. I do therapy once a week. I have read countless books on addressing emotional eating and have made behavioral changes. I journal (i.e. blog) regularly. I interact with my Facebook Optifast friends every single day.

And guess what folks. I gained weight. Despite all of this. Yes, I've got it capped at 10-15 lbs. And yes, with the seasonal change, I will lose some of this. But I have been through sheer hell to maintain this "status quo." Now, perhaps there are some people out there that are breezing through maintenance. Hats off to them. I, however, am not one of them. I also contend with the knowledge that I saw with my own eyes my scale register 155 lbs. one morning -- and today it reads 172 lbs. This is not something where I just say, "Oh well! What will be will be!" Oh no, this is when the negative self-talk starts. This is when I try on those few clothes I bought at my lowest weight and find they don't fit properly. And I only bought them a year ago. Into a storage bin they go. Wasted money. Nothing gets me angrier.

But I know I cannot stay angry forever. That needs to be let go. I do not regret enrolling in the Optifast program. I think if you are obese -- not overweight, but obese -- it is a good way to go. But there needs to be hardcore psychological counseling included in your program (I have repeatedly suggested to my clinic that they bring a psychologist on staff) and more scientific explanation about what really happens to your body when you stop the products. Candid dialogue about the weight gain odds. I think we are up against some scientific factors we cannot overcome, no matter what we do, short of starving ourselves. And I want it explained that yes, you should expect an x gain. This open dialogue would have saved me a heck of a lot of grief.

No, I'm not giving up my fight to stay as close to goal as I can and still feel content and happy. But as for seeing 155 lbs. again, you can forget it. Life's too short, I have to have some pleasure in life. And with that, I'm off to buy some more firewood. Don't want the fire to go out...yet. Have a great day all.