Finding A "New Normal"

As I've mentioned before, I've pretty much got all areas of my life -- work, marriage, family -- under control. The one exception is my weight, well, more specifically, my anxiety about my weight. You know this has plagued me all throughout my maintenance journey, and I've been trying to combat it with medication, exercise, talk therapy, support from Facebook friends -- I'm pretty much pursuing all avenues available to me to get this anxiety stabilized.

If I break this down, I am anxious because my weight now "swings" between 167 lbs. to 172 lbs. This is roughly 10 lbs. over the range I held for the first five months of maintenance. So in essence, 10 stupid pounds is absolutely wrecking my serenity. I restrict what I eat, for the most part, and it doesn't come off. I walk every day, and it doesn't come off. I hydrate every day and it doesn't come off. And I get upset every morning when I get on the scale and it hasn't come off.

Now, I can keep living with this anxiety, keep trying to "medicate" it away, or I can honestly take stock of my situation and say, "Melissa, the buck stops here. Your "new normal" is 167 - 172 lbs. This is where your body wants to be and that is AOK!" I need to not only say this, but believe it, accept it, and find comfort in it.

I do have one Facebook friend who reached goal, put 10 lbs. back on, but successfully maintained that for years. She told me she actually looked better with the extra weight. That gives me a lot of hope, knowing there is someone who put some pounds back on but still successfully maintained. Of course it's in the forefront of my mind -- and most likely your mind too -- that any quasi-significant gain (10+ lbs.) spells disaster. Reaching your goal weight feels so great, is so great, and in my case the desire to stay there is so, so strong. But it could just very well be that my body just doesn't want to be there.

Do I look good? I guess I'd say yes. Do my clothes fit? Yes. Do I feel good, physically? Yes. Are my vitals good? Excellent. Emotionally, I need a lot of work. But am I doing something about it? Yes. What then, is the real problem here? I guess if I analyze it, break it down, it's my perfectionism, vestiges of obsessiveness, fear, "black and white thinking," just a host of things that partially make up who I am. Perhaps some can really relate to this; others not so much. But this is me. The hand I was dealt.

I am going to see if my anxiety lessens this week as I move to embrace my "new normal." I have an inkling it will. This is going to take some time to get comfortable with it, but I've got that. So I guess I'm now on a "journey within a journey." Not something I expected, but I've had my share of maintenance curveballs, so I'm getting much better at reading the pitcher's throw. I'm getting very familiar with the "swing" of things.

As always, onward I go, baby steps all the way. It's the only way to do it!