The Slippery Slope: Am I Headed For A Relapse?

As you know, I had a clinic-approved meal out when I was on my vacation earlier this month. No, I did not gain any weight and actually lost my regular amount. Ketosis remained intact. However, a problem of sorts has cropped up. Since this meal, I have found when my husband brings his take-out dinners home, I cannot stop watching him eat, and craving a bite of his food. Because I have been restricting his diet to lo-cal dishes and cut down his carbs, he indulges on these nights with hamburgers or pizza or Asian food. All a big time no-no for me.

Bless his heart, he has asked me not to torture myself and encouraged me to leave the room and he will call me when he is done. But I become so engrossed in his food that it's hard to break away. I did manage to go upstairs this week and change the sheets on the bed. That got my mind off of it. But I'm flustered because I never really had this reoccurring problem before. Did I shoot myself in the foot by eating out in the first place? Is this why I am struggling and facing a threat of a relapse?

At this juncture, I will congratulate those who have been true to the fast and strongly encourage them to stick with it. For me, putting food in my mouth has apparently opened up a Pandora's Box full of head games. And I really don't like it. For those who have cheated or had a clinic-approved meal like me, I wonder if you are having the same problem that I am. My commitment to the full fast is being tested. I honestly didn't expect this.

Now, I can be a tough cookie, and I've been on this program for over five months. I still have a ways to go, but I've got the routine down pat and I like it. So I think I can overcome this problem and hopefully it will be temporary. But I guess the lesson I am taking away from this is don't take compliance for granted and take care with that "first bite." It could very well bite you back!

Surviving The First Week

For many, the first week they are on Optifast is the hardest. Not only is your body thrown into temporary turmoil from solid food withdrawal, but you might also start strongly doubting your decision to do the program in the first place. I know in my case, my big test came on Day 2. I was hit with such severe hunger pains that night, and the only thing that got me through was sugar-free Jello obtained from an emergency late-night run to the 24-hour grocery store. I gobbled it up in a snap. The first week was rough. Period.

Some have asked how did I make it through? Well, I think the big reason was I had enough of being overweight and suffering with back pain and embarrassment over the way I looked. I was tired of not fitting correctly into the seats at the hockey arena, having to constantly purchase clothes in bigger sizes, tired of dealing with high cholesterol and becoming winded whenever I walked up a simple flight of stairs. I was, simply put, tired of being tired.

I also came to the realization that although I loved rich food, it was only a short-lived period of enjoyment -- that had long-term consequences. There is just no way you can eat the way I was eating and not end up obese. Yes, my thyroid medication added to the problem because it automatically added extra pounds. Plus I have the terrible metabolism. But I was eating loads of butter, salt, sugar and fat. Every night. This madness had to stop. My health was going downhill. And I decided I was going to suffer through whatever unpleasantness thrown my way to break the cycle.

I had to dig deep, but I found my commitment to the products and the program grew as each day passed. Every morning when I woke up, I would say to myself, "Today I am just going to have my products. I don't know what tomorrow will bring, but today I will be compliant." I kept thinking about this over and over as I struggled to get into ketosis and the blessed relief it brings from the hunger pains and desire to eat "real" food. Before I knew it, I was there and safely on my way.

To get through that tough first week and succeed on this program -- and by that I mean not just losing the weight but keeping it off -- I believe you must look at things in the "big picture" perspective. By this I mean choosing to do Optifast not to just look good in a pair of jeans. Rather, committing yourself to the program because you want to improve your health. And keep it that way. Embracing this philosophy can carry you through the entire fasting process. And beyond.

You can and will get through the initial week. And you'll be so glad when you do! You really start feeling great. Give it time and don't give up. The program really does get easier. One foot in front of the other, one day at a time. Optifast works. I'm living proof of it!

A Rant About "Bad" Foods

Oh really?

And now I offer up some thoughts on fast food, processed food, soda and other junk in the American diet:

I saw a post on the Optifast Facebook page about an individual's desire for food that is "bad" for us. You know what I'm talking about: Fast food, food in the freezer section at the grocery store, chips, soda, candy, what have you. Anything sold at a gas station comes to mind. And what do these things have that make them appealing? It's easy. Sugar and salt. And eat too much of this and we're going to get sick. Heck, we get obese, unless you have a very high metabolism. Foods like these trigger the pleasure center in our brain, and we want more. This is why I think we are not necessarily "addicted" to the food but rather how these foods make us feel.

Let's face facts: Fast food is terrible for us. I had a chance to see the documentary Supersize Me last weekend, and I strongly encourage anyone who likes McDonald's to see it. It's about a man who only eats at McDonald's for 30 days, three meals a day, and if asked by the cashier if he wants to "Supersize It," he must say yes. You can probably guess what happens. Rent the movie if you can. It will change your perception of the fast food you put into your body and the effect it has on you.

Now, this is not to say I don't like McDonald's. On the contrary, I love Big Macs. Probably always will. But those evil sandwiches contain over 1,000 calories. Same with the burritos at Chipotle, a company also owned by McDonald's. If we eat them, we are going to get into trouble. The pleasure center gets going from the jacked up sugar and salt, and then it's off to the races. We will eat until the sandwich is gone (and maybe want another one) or to the point where we are stuffed.

Let's steer clear of this madness!

And that madness includes the frozen food section of the grocery store. Have you seen how large it has become? Now that damn near everyone is overworked and pressed for time, we have turned to these processed "quick fixes" for our meals. And in my grocery, the chips, soda and beer are right near the frozen food, so all you need to do is walk 50 feet from the entrance and stock up on everything. Fresh vegetables? Those are all the way on the other side of the store! Who wants to walk the extra steps? They are more expensive to boot, and preparation from scratch takes too much time, we reason. This is a big problem, people. The roots of America's obesity epidemic.

I think we must say to ourselves, "I'm not going to eat this junk anymore!" Say it and really mean it. We need to start allocating time for food preparation -- which does not have to be fancy and complex. Simple menus can taste just as good. And great meals can be whipped up in 30 minutes or less. We can break this trend of taking the "easy way out" and actually find that we like eating healthy. All it takes is being open to the possibility. Don't allow yourself to "yearn" for the bad foods you leave behind. Good riddance, I say. You harm me and I'm not going to allow that anymore.

Yes, the "bad" food is everywhere. But no one is forcing us to eat it. To rehash the 1980s slogan: Just Say No! It's all junk. We don't need it. And seriously -- do we really want it? Let's ponder this for awhile. It could just be we don't after all.
 

Incredible Shrinking Woman, Part II

Yesterday my husband told me something interesting. He said I looked even thinner than I did when we took our trip to Maine. Now, I have only been home a week -- so I was a little surprised by the comment, but of course pleased. How could I not be?

This reminded me of that time months back when I woke up one day and suddenly my pants didn't fit anymore. I felt like I shrunk overnight. This is one of the things that amazes me about Optifast. The scale may show a slow loss rate (in my case) but when it comes to inches shed, the results are amazing. If I were only doing the program to look good in clothes, I'd wager a guess that I'd stop taking the products much sooner. BUT I am not losing sight of the very important issue of getting to the point where I have a healthy Body Mass Index (BMI) as well. I have a goal weight of 160 lbs. that will mark that point. And subsequently, I will stay compliant until I reach it.

This does, however, raise some questions: Is it possible I will look too thin? And if that is the case, will people tell me to stop the program before I reach goal? Is the BMI really as important as they say it is? I guess on the first two questions, we'll just have to wait and see. On the last question, there are some physicians who argue that weight-loss patients should ignore the BMI figure. Others, like the ones at my clinic, place great importance on it. By choice, I have placed myself under the care of the Optifast doctors, so I will follow their advice.

I am lucky to have a husband who loves me no matter how I look. He loved me at 239 lbs. and loves me where I am now, at 192 lbs. So I am not losing weight and improving my appearance to impress him. Honestly, I am doing this for my health -- and I think knowing that and keeping it in the forefront of your mind is one of the key requirements for keeping your weight off. My sneaking suspicion has always been that many who plow the weight -- and then some -- back, lost sight of how important a healthy weight and BMI is to your life. Or never had that mindset in the beginning. I'm not going to fall into that camp.

Subsequently, while I delight in being an Incredible Shrinking Woman, I know I still have a ways to go to hit my proper BMI. And that's okay. This is a journey. And for me, it's for life.      

No, You Don't Have To Live On Salad For The Rest Of Your Life!

I got a chuckle from a poster on the Optifast Facebook page who made a (laughing) comment about completing the Optifast fast stage and then having to eat salad for the rest of her life. Speaking as a gourmet cook, I can tell you that it is not only possible but actually quite fun to prepare healthy things to eat that are not just a bowl of iceberg lettuce, matchstick carrots, celery and low fat dressing! Indeed, if that were the only option available to me in order to keep my weight off, I might as well throw in the towel right now!

But no, we have a wealth of tasty things to choose from when we go into maintenance. When I move into this stage, I'll have a chance to share some actual recipes, but what I thought I'd do now is try to tempt some of you to consider exploring the true joy of cooking itself. Like anything, it requires practice -- and patience because you'll inevitably have mistakes -- but the end result is such pleasure and a wonderful sense of accomplishment. Quite similar to reaching your goal weight.

Now, I did not become a good cook overnight. Yes, I had an interest in it at a very young age (I asked Santa for a hand mixer at age 10), but I have never been to culinary school. I did not begin cooking in earnest until I got married eleven years ago, when I was 35. And I did not just jump in and create masterpieces overnight. I approached things cautiously, and sometimes with trepidation. Many mistakes were made. But the successes started to outweigh them and soon I was on a roll. My confidence grew over time.

Cooking gives us the wonderful opportunity to explore our creative side. For me, cooking is like painting a picture. Picture yourself with a piece of paper and some watercolors (or finger paint if that's easier!). I am bringing together food colors to create something beautiful. To me. I am not striving for perfection -- there is great beauty in a "looser", more free-flowing design. Rule #1: Do not try to emulate pictures of dishes you see in magazines, cookbooks and on television. Those are carefully designed and photographed in certain ways to maximize the way they look. This is not what we are shooting for at all. Yes, the recipe (and the way the creation tastes) is fabulous. But by no means should you place demands on yourself to match the picture. That takes all the fun out of things.

In addition to color, think about texture. The smooth skin of eggplant. The grainy feel of cous cous. The ripply leaves of kale. The sandy features of spices. These are all interesting and pleasurable to touch. Incorporating texture with color changes your picture, makes it even more interesting. What about smells? You can take things up another notch. Spices add exotic aromas -- and maximize flavoring as well. Herbs fill your kitchen with delightful smells as they simmer.

The great thing about cooking is you do not have to be out on a limb, winging things on your own.Yes, we all need instruction and guidance, a good "painting" teacher. Particularly when just starting out. As we delve into the world of healthy, flavorful cooking, fortunately we now have many teachers to follow. Some are good, but some are not so hot. How do we tell the "good" ones from the others? Well, some of this is trial and error. Like cooking itself, you have to sort through the good dishes from the bad ones, and this is done by trying them out. Yes, some money, effort and time is "wasted," but actually, if you think about it, you are gaining experience. And that is invaluable. Remember that making mistakes is AOK, and happens inevitably.

Which brings us back to the concept of perfection. I encourage you to allow yourself to be imperfect. Might that possibly make your dishes better tasting? Good things can come from "accidents." Cooking gives us the freedom to explore -- with no boundaries (save dietary limitations required for maintenance). What freedom! Possibilities are endless. It's as if we have a never-ending supply of painting canvases to use for life. And that's wonderful.

For me, cooking has developed into a life-long passion, and it can be the same way for you too. There's joy in the creating and joy in the eating. It's something I do for myself because it feels good, much like exercising. There's a deep satisfaction that comes from pulling together interesting things to create something special. As I mentioned, that sense of accomplishment you feel does wonders for my self-esteem. Take off on your own culinary journey. You won't regret it. I promise!  

Danger Will Robinson!

Oh no. Something very odd and frankly, quite concerning happened this evening. It's Friday and I didn't want to cook, so my husband brought home take-out Thai food. Shrimp Pad Thai to be precise. The minute I smelled it, fascination took root. And then suddenly I had a dangerous thought: "Well Melissa, you had that meal out and didn't gain any weight, so maybe you can have a small bite of his food and won't have to worry about it." No!

One of my worst fears is threatening to crop up -- the fear that eating a meal, whether prescribed or not, might lead to a relapse in my program. Thankfully, my husband laughed at me when I asked, kidding, if I could have a bite. He wouldn't let me near something that loaded with salt and carbs. But the issue is that I asked. What if he had said yes?

At this juncture, I will say to those who have been 100% compliant in their programs: don't change a thing! Stay on course and do not deviate. To those who have had meals out (hopefully ones allowed by the clinic), I say: watch out for your thinking in the weeks that follow! I find myself in a puzzling situation right now. I had that meal out and felt very comfortable returning to my full fast routine. Heck, I am thrilled about it. But suddenly this crops up. Why? I don't like it!

Perhaps I am taking for granted how relatively easy it has been for me to be compliant. I have been resting on my laurels, so to speak, and not remaining alert. I am going to strengthen my commitment, particularly because I am approaching the 50 lbs. lost milestone. I don't need to sabotage my work. I think "Expect the Unexpected" will be my new motto these days!

Approaching A Milestone!

The Big 5-0!

Thrilled with my weigh-in yesterday. I lost 3.7 lbs., which shows I can go on vacation, have a simple meal (as prescribed by the clinic), and come back and not gain weight! Now at 192 lbs., I am ever-so-close to the 50 lbs. lost marker. Hooray! At our clinic, this is when a new photo is taken and measurements are calculated to show inches lost. Frankly, I can't wait.

So this means I will soon have 30 lbs. left to lose and I will reach my goal. I can't quite believe it. Looking back, it seems like time has truly flown by. Perhaps this is because I'm older. I'm not sure about that, but it is like I started the program a few weeks ago, not 5 1/2 months ago. The Optifast products are a normal part of my day now, and I like it. Strangely, I can't imagine a day without them -- which may or may not be a good thing!

It may be time for some shopping again, this time for tops. But I'm holding off because Fall is coming, and everything on sale right now is either heavily discounted summer items or marked-up fall collection clothes. I did a quick inventory of my closet and all of my sweaters are going to be huge. Yes, yes, this is cause for celebration, but honestly I still haven't donated my "fat" clothes to Salvation Army yet, and as of now, I have no room for anything new.

Why have I held off from getting rid of the clothes that don't fit? Well, some of them are quite lovely -- and I hate to see them go. But the deeper issue is I am still worried I might be one of those people who gains all the weight back. Even though I am rock-solid in my commitment to Optifast's maintenance plan. I feel like I have to store all of my over-sized things in a plastic bin marked "fat clothes" and shove it somewhere in the attic (making sure to add mothballs of course). Sure, maybe it will just gather dust, but it will be there in case of a relapse...

But wait.

This is the kind of thinking that might be counter-productive. Might actually undermine my maintenance efforts. Perhaps I am forgetting that I need to let go of the past and instead stay in "today." I've talked about the gift of the "precious present" before. Today my body is looking great and it will only get better. Who wants outdated clothes from past seasons anyway? This is a new "me" emerging. And I like her.

So anyway, another celebration on my Optifast journey is soon in order. Another chance to take a deep breath and smile -- knowing that I may have been on a slower road to weight loss due to a poor thyroid, but I'm getting to goal. Again, thanks to all who have been supporting me along the way. I dedicate this milestone to you!